Dragon Ball Redux
by DuncanIdaho2014
Summary: When Goku bumped his head as a baby, someone else woke up. Someone that knows the scope of the battles to come, and what he must do to face them. SI/OC-as-Goku, rated M for lemons and language, please don't flame.
1. Chapter 1

**I wrote a version of this long-hand a while ago when I didn't have access to a computer. Since the story is obviously inside me, I figured I should type it and share it with the world like I did with all the others. Hope someone likes it.**

* * *

The line went on for miles. I mean that literally. A queue of people, waiting patiently, stretching out to the horizon in either direction. The floor was a grey tile, the sky a cloudy grey, and the light itself had a greyish tinge to it. If one were to imagine the most boring experience possible in all of Creation, this line in this washed-out wasteland would come close. And I was smack dab in the middle of it.

My name is… huh, I forgot. That's just how freaking long I've been in this line. I've forgotten a great many things while standing here for an eternity. I'm really only certain of one thing: this is Death.

I'm not quite sure how I died. Overdose, perhaps? Car accident? In any case, one minute I have a heartbeat and I'm on… my home planet, the next I'm in this line.

I've given up on trying to start conversation. No one seems to hear me. Either everyone in hearing distance had already forgotten how to talk or some magic kept my voice from reaching them. That was a while ago. By this point, I'm not sure I could make a sound if I tried. It had just been so long.

Every now and then, the line would move and I would shuffle forward a step or two. And then it was back to the waiting. I'd run off into the distance, but what would be the point? I couldn't see anything, and there was no guarantee that anything existed in this limbo except the line. Besides, I would lose my place. I'd have to start again at the back and be stuck here even longer.

I never got tired, or sleepy, or hungry. Guess those things are for the living. I just stood there, numb and dumb and silent, waiting for the line to move again.

At some point, in that timeless space, I made it near the front.

I blinked at the person behind the desk. I had the vaguest memory of a movie. I'd always loved movies, tv shows, anime, really all fiction. Those memories had lasted the longest. I wanted to say the guy looked like an Agent, for some reason. Suit and tie, flat expression, sunglasses.

"Next," he would say in a voice as grey as the surroundings. The lucky soul at the front of the line would step forward. They would exchange words I couldn't make out, and then the person would vanish. This process repeated a few dozen times, during which time I relearned how to count, just so I could measure when it would be my turn.

Finally, I stepped forward when he said "Next."

"Soul 4829A1826M0683Q0175G, you have been selected for a Replacement Reincarnation. Do you accept?"

If he'd asked me to suck his dick while I was lowered into a vat of acid, I would have accepted. Anything, ANYTHING, was better than waiting in this line. "Yes," I said.

"We thank you for your service."

And then… how to describe it? The closest I could put it is that I fell asleep. As I slept, I dreamed. I dreamed of a young boy who grew into a man, the adventures he had, the trials he faced, the battles he won. And as I dreamed, I realized it was familiar. And when the dream reached its ending, it started to go in reverse. I saw it all backwards as the story returned to the beginning. And I realized my purpose.

When I woke up, I knew who I had become, and why I was here.

I was now Son Goku, also known as Kakarot. I was now the son of Bardock and the adoptive grandson of Son Gohan. I was now a Saiyan sent to Earth. And some Power that Was had decided the story should go differently.

* * *

I settled into my second life easily enough.

I had first woken up in Grandpa Gohan's hut, head wrapped in bandages and the old martial artist overjoyed to see me awake. The coma from the head injury was when original Goku's and my souls were switched, it seemed. That thought kept me humble: something had just lifted out the protagonist's soul and replaced it with mine. Whatever R.O.B. had set this up, I had no intention of pissing it off. Whatever its reason for having me take the idiot hero's place armed with foreknowledge of canon, I would give it one hell of a show.

Any 'personality changes' were explained away by the head injury. I spent a few quiet weeks in bed while the gash in my skull scabbed over, with kindly old Gohan hovering over me with all the love of a grandparent for their blood grandchild. It was really very sweet, how much this hermit cared for the alien boy he'd found in the woods. I eagerly got to know him, and was soon reciprocating his love without having to fake it at all.

Memories of my old life didn't bother me or make me nostalgic, because I had none. Other than remembering The Line and having the events of Dragon Ball, Dragon Ball Z, and Dragon Ball Super downloaded into my brain, I was a clean slate. I couldn't tell you if I had a family, or what I did for a living, or even what species I'd been. All I knew was that this was another chance at life, and I was determined to make the most of it.

Adapting to the body of a four-year-old with a tail was no more difficult than adapting to having a body, period. It felt as natural as anything had ever been. I had a vague understanding that puberty would introduce strange and powerful urges, but for the most part I couldn't tell any difference from being a kid to being a disembodied spirit. And my fifth appendage was handy for washing my back during a bath.

When the day came that Grandpa Gohan undid my bandages and was satisfied I was healed, my training began. I had been bugging my caretaker to train me in Martial Arts almost since I woke up. I explained it away as a desire to be 'cool' like my grandpa, but the truth was more to do with survival.

My power level, if I recalled correctly, was a measly 2. Frieza, at full power, was 120 million. While never measured, Beerus was strong enough to kick Frieza's ass with his little finger. For my own purposes, I'd assume the God of Destruction was worth at least a hundred of Frieza, which would put him in the range of 10 billion or more. And the Angels like Whis were at a level beyond even that.

The gist of it was, I was currently a teeny, tiny krill in an ocean with blue whales. I hadn't exactly been given instructions, but I knew this: I did NOT want to die again. Whether I'd go to the Other World or back to The Line, I didn't know. But I was determined to never find out. So, the simplest way to stay alive would be to become the biggest fish. I had a long, LONG way to go, but the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step, right?

My first step was learning Grandpa Gohan's version of the Turtle Hermit Style.

So, I trained. I learned how to throw a punch and a kick. I learned how to push my body to the limits and then go even further. I learned to hunt, and track, and live off the land. Grandpa Gohan taught me well. We spared frequently, as much for fun as for training. As much as he taught me how to fight, he also taught me to be at peace. I had to meditate for hours at a time, which I put up much less of a fuss to than your average kid would do. If I learned one thing from The Line, it was patience. During these times where I emptied my mind and tried to be at one with the universe, I began to feel the first stirrings of what I assumed were ki inside me. I'd yet to manifest it, but I assumed it would come eventually so long as I kept at it.

A few months in, I snuck out after bedtime. I wandered about a mile into the forest until I found a clearing. Once there, I meditated for a good hour, trying to become as serene as possible. When I was ready, and my eyes still closed, I looked up.

I could FEEL the moonlight on my lids. My tail got all tingly, and goosebumps popped up on my flesh. Somewhere deep inside me, I felt a beast begin to stir. I knew I was taking a risk by doing this. But the Oozaru form was just too damn useful and underappreciated. Better to work on it when I was a pipsqueak and relatively harmless even with a 10x power boost than later when I'd be at risk of blowing up the planet.

With great hesitance, and fighting to keep myself as calm and relaxed as possible, I opened my eyes a crack.

Have you ever been angry? Really, truly angry? Seeing red, blood pounding in your veins, hearing a ringing angry? The kind of angry that feeds on itself, taking over every neuron in your brain, until nothing matters but acting on that anger? Combine that with the hazy, liberating buzz of being drunk, and you might come close to how it felt for a Saiyan to look at the full moon. And I wasn't even getting a direct view of it.

I had a split second of clarity and closed my eyes.

My teeth felt too big for my mouth and I had hair in places that it shouldn't be. As seconds passed and I resisted the temptation to just let go and open my eyes, I felt my body return to normal, reverting to its ordinary toddler form.

Right. Well, that was something. It honestly scared me, the power of the reactions that little dose of Blutz waves evoked from me. But if a hothead like Vegeta could control it, I sure as HFIL would!

I snuck glimpses until dawn, meditating after each one and lasting just a little longer before I panicked and closed my eyes before losing control. Exhausted, I made my way back to the hut.

"Son Goku! Where have you been, young man? I was worried sick!"

Oops. Forgot about Grandpa.

It took a lot of explaining, during which I brought up that I had started to 'remember' things from before my incident. Like how I was an alien, and that I had been sent to destroy all life on the planet. I assured Grandpa Gohan that I had no intention of doing any such thing, but one of the keys to doing it was the Oozaru form. Grandpa was against me training something so dangerous, but I talked him around. "It's a part of who I am, Grandpa. I want to master it, the same way you're teaching me to master myself. And anyway, what if I look at the moon by accident and can't control it? I could hurt you and a lot of other people."

"Well… very well. But no more sneaking off alone. We'll do this with me to supervise you. And if you ever lose control, I'm cutting off your tail right then and there. You said that would turn you back to normal, right?"

"Yeah," I said, curling my tail around to cuddle it. "But could you please make sure I'm actually gone before you do it? I don't want to lose my tail."

"Of course, Goku."

The years passed, with my days filled with training and mountain life shenanigans, and one night a month working on safely and sanely transforming into a giant ape creature. There were a couple of near-misses, but I managed to keep my head and stay in control each time. When turning into the Oozaru felt no different than being Saiyan, I worked on transforming back despite the pull of the moon and even on transforming outside the full moon. I wanted to completely master the form. It was the same principle as Super Saiyan Full Power, right? When I could look at the full moon and not even blink, when I could transform in broad daylight and keep my power level as calm and still as a pond, then I would have mastered the Oozaru form.

I had plans to be this exacting and thorough for EVERY transformation. That was one of the things I didn't like about the original Goku. He never repeated what he did with the original Super Saiyan transformation for Super Saiyan 2 or 3 or God or Blue. And speaking of Blue, if it were possible to combine the Super Saiyan and the God transformations, why not Super Saiyan and Oozaru? Oozaru and God? All three at once? I was going to find transformations that no one in canon had even imagined, and I was going to work at them tirelessly until they were as easy and effortless as blinking.

I would train constantly as if the fate of the world, the galaxy, all twelve Universes depended on me, because they kind of did. Or would, at some point in the future provided I didn't change too many things, and probably even if I did. I would work as if Cell would arrive the next day. When I was exhausted and wanted to quit, I'd picture Zen-Oh's smiling face as he wiped an entire Universe, trillions of lives, out of existence. Damn it, I would kick Frieza's ass in base form if I had my way.

Grandpa Gohan was a mixture of proud and concerned at my work ethic. He watched me train until I bled and consider it just the warm-up, and was filled with as much worry as admiration. I would just smile and say "I want to be the best that I can be. How can I find it if I don't go looking for it?" And he would smile and shake his head and caution me to not push myself too far, which I would anyway.

I managed to beat Grandpa in an all-out fight by the time I was 8, including the use of ki attacks. Once I started consistently handing him his ass, he shook his head and declared he had nothing left to teach me. By my own estimation, using my ki sense and comparing it to those around me, I was at 100. That still left me orders of magnitude away from where I KNEW I could be, but it was a start. From then on, I focused mostly on honing my technique and boosting my strength, trying to eke out as much progress as I could from Earth's original gravity.

I could have gone searching for Bulma to build me a gravity room or gathered the Dragon Balls (which I had learned to sense), but I didn't. I didn't want to toss canon completely out the window. And, I admit, a part of me wanted to enjoy my 'childhood' alone with Grandpa for as long as I could. So, I focused on maintaining my strength once it peaked and refining my fighting style. I reverse-engineered all the ki techniques I could. I had fun, when I wasn't hammering myself on the anvil of training.

And so, the days passed, until it was the 1st of September, Age 749.

* * *

Grandpa Gohan and I were having lunch, a fish I had gone and fetched myself. Around us, my Multiforms cut wood, cleaned the hut, and tended to the garden. Incredibly handy, the ability to make copies of yourself. It was a bit of a headache when we fused and I had to process their memories, but it was definitely worth it.

My ears picked up. "I hear something. An engine, I think."

Grandpa perked up. "Oh? Who'd be way out here in the wilderness?"

The noise vanished, to be replaced by vocal complaints. "Ugh! I hate nature! I definitely didn't wear the right shoes for this."

Grandpa and I exchanged looks, anime sweat drops on both our brows.

Then a goddess came walking up the path to our hut.

My jaw dropped. The show hadn't done her justice. Or maybe it was different seeing her in real life rather than as a cartoon. Or maybe puberty was striking fast and hard on my 13-year-old body. In any case, I couldn't look away. Her skin was flawless, her hair was the most dazzling shade of blue, and her legs went on forever. Even in a t-shirt and shorts, her figure was breathtaking.

"Hello there!" Grandpa Gohan called out, snapping me out of my daze. I quickly regained my cool, fighting down certain… physical reactions. When I wouldn't embarrass myself, I stood up alongside Grandpa. We both bowed as the girl came close. "My name is Son Gohan, and this is my grandson, Goku. Who are you, young lady?"

The girl wiped her brow, honestly out of breath climbing the small hill between the road and our hut. "Hi. My name's Bulma. Nice to meet you. You got anything to drink?"

I wordlessly handed her a cup of tea, and paid a lot of attention to her throat as she gulped it down. Grandpa smacked my head too fast for her to see. I looked away, blushing. Damn hormones. "What's a city girl doing all the way up here in the mountains?"

She grinned, wiping her mouth. "I'm on a treasure hunt!" She reached into her bag, pulling out an orange orb with red stars in the center. "Have either of you seen a jewel like this? There should be one nearby."

"Oh my! Goku, it's just like that one I found years ago, before you even got here! Go get it."

"Yes, Grandpa," I replied obediently. I went into the hut, gathering the 4-Star Ball from where it was stashed on a little shrine we'd made for it. I came out and Bulma's eyes lit up.

"Yes, you do have it! Another Dragon Ball!"

"Dragon Ball? Is that what these things are called?" I asked innocently.

Bulma got a calculating gleam in her eyes. Coming to a decision, she pulled out another Dragon Ball and laid them on the stump I'd been sitting on. I walked forward and added the one in my hand. The three of us watched as they began to pulse with an inner light.

"Dear me, it's never done that before," Gohan said, leaning forward with interest.

"These are the magical Dragon Balls," Bulma explained. "There are only seven of them in the whole world. If you gather them all together and say the ancient words, the dragon will appear and grant you a wish!"

"Wow," I said, more taken with how her face lit up than the explanation of the power I already knew about.

"Well, thanks for giving it to me!" she said, reaching forward.

My eyes narrowed and I grabbed the 4-Star Ball back. "Hey, wait a minute. This is my Grandpa's treasure. You can't just take it."

She got an ugly smile on her face. She pulled out a revolver and held it in Grandpa's general direction. "Hand it over kid, or the old man gets it!"

Grandpa's face closed off. Faster than her eyes could see, he raced over and grabbed the gun right out of her hands. He unloaded it and threw it on the ground behind him before Bulma even realized it was gone. "Now that's very rude. You just don't threaten old men with guns, young lady. It's very unbecoming."

Bulma gaped. "What the hell?"

"Grandpa and I are really strong," I supplied 'helpfully'.

Bulma suddenly looked very nervous. "Um…. ha ha ha! Wasn't that funny? The way I pretended to be all evil and you were so awesome? I wasn't _really_ going to shoot him. I was just trying to scare you. Silly me, hee hee hee."

Grandpa sighed. "Let this be a lesson to you, young Bulma. Those who threaten violence will often be met with violence. Had you pulled that act with anyone else with our skills, you'd likely be in very big trouble right now."

She gulped. "Um, yeah. Sorry about that. Thanks for not killing me or anything."

"I have an idea," I spoke up. "Grandpa and I help you gather up these Dragon Balls. We'll be your bodyguards or whatever. In return, we all share the wish at the end."

Bulma gaped. "Wait, seriously? You want to help me, after what I just did?"

"It's not like Grandpa was really in any danger. He could have caught the bullets if you shot at him," I said casually, making her eyes widen. "And yeah. You seem pretty weak, and you'll probably run into trouble gathering the rest of these Dragon Balls if they're as special as you say. It would bother me if we let you go on your way all helpless and something happened to you. So we come along, keep an eye on each other, and get a wish at the end of it. Sounds like a good deal to me."

Bulma smiled, and I had to hide how my heart jumped. Seriously, what was WRONG with me? "That sounds awesome, actually. I'd really appreciate it."

Grandpa Gohan nodded. "I agree. With one exception. I won't be coming along."

"Grandpa?" I asked, confused. He was perfectly able to travel.

"I'm old, Goku. I had my fill of adventure. I'm perfectly happy to stay here for the rest of my days. But you should go with this young woman. Go out, see the world, make mistakes, learn from them. It's time you flew the nest."

I hugged my grandfather in every way that mattered, tears in my eyes. Then I rubbed my eyes, sniffed my nose, and turned to Bulma. "Well, we're burning daylight. Let's go."

Bulma nodded, gathering up the Dragon Balls and putting them in her bag. I handed over the 4-Star Ball, which she took hesitantly. Then she pulled out a case of capsules, throwing one to produce a motorcycle in a puff of smoke. "Oh, darn, wrong one. We need a side-car."

"No need. I prefer to run."

She looked at me like I was an idiot. "This bike can go over a hundred miles an hour."

I grinned. "I can keep up."

And I did. Bulma watched in disbelief as I kept pace with her bike, my legs blurring as I ran faster than a sprinting cheetah. I could have just flown, but where's the challenge in that? Even this was only marginally difficult because I was wearing the heaviest weighted clothing I could produce with my ki. I wasn't the best at that particular technique, but every little bit helped.

"Wow. How the hell are you so fast?" Bulma called about ten minutes into our journey, after looking away from me to consult the Dragon Radar. I kept the fact that I could sense the energy signature on my own a little secret. Let her feel like she's got an advantage over me for her own peace of mind.

"I trained really hard," I said, not even out of breath.

"Are you even human?"

I laughed. "Actually, no I'm not. But Earthlings can get this strong and fast too. It just takes a lot of hard work and ki manipulation."

Bulma almost swerved off the road. "Wait, what? You're not human? Did you say Earthling? What are you, some sort of alien?"

I chuckled, after I was sure I wouldn't have to save her. "Yeah. Didn't the tail give me away?" I waved it at her.

"I thought you'd just glued it on or something. I didn't know it was real!" She shrieked, reaching a truly uncomfortable decibel. I rubbed my sensitive ear.

"Well, it is."

Bulma's eyes lit up and she slowed down. "Wow. I can't believe it. I'm talking to an actual extraterrestrial. This is like one of Tights' dumb stories!" She eyed me like I was a unicorn and she had the tranquilizer gun all ready. "Mind if I ask you a few questions?"

I leaned subtly away. "Okay. Just promise you won't ask to dissect me or anything."

"Of course not," she said, though her eyes looked a little shifty. "What are you? Where did you come from? When did you come to earth? How? Why?"

I mentally ordered my responses. "Um, a Saiyan. Planet Vegeta. In 739, when I was around 3. In a Saiyan Space Pod. Technically, I was sent here to exterminate all life so the Planet Trade Organization could sell the Earth as real estate, but really my dad sent me to escape the destruction of our planet and train to avenge our people."

"Did you say 'exterminate all life'? Are you serious?"

"I'm afraid so. The Planet Trade Organization is the most powerful entity in the universe. They own most of this galaxy. To them, wiping out a pre-interstellar civilization is like squashing an ant hill. My species, the Saiyans, were enslaved as enforcers a long time ago. I was programmed to be an omnicidal maniac, but then I hit my head as a kid. Grandpa managed to make me fall in love with him and Earth before the memories came back," I explained.

"My god," Bulma said to herself. "This is incredible. You're not making this up, are you?"

"Cross my heart and hope to die. A warrior's word is his honor," I said, quoting something Grandpa had said to me a long time ago.

"Alright then." Bulma kept me busy for hours, asking me all sorts of questions about outer space and the Saiyans. I tried to explain that I only had what I remembered as a baby and what I could scrounge from my Pod's computer, but that barely deterred her.

Finally, the barrage stopped when the sun was beginning to set. "Pit stop!" she said, braking the bike.

I turned and fired a ki blast into the forest.

"What the hell was that?" Bulma demanded.

"There was a bad guy that direction. I took care of him so you wouldn't get kidnapped or anything," I answered.

"Oh… Thanks, I guess." Bulma wandered off in that direction, returning when her business was finished. She had a pale expression, so I guess she saw what my ki ball had done to the pterodactyl-like thing I'd shot down. "That guy could have eaten me! Thanks, Goku."

"No problem, that's why I'm here, to protect the pretty lady on her quest."

She blushed. I blinked. Was she seriously reacting to flirting from a 13-year-old? How experienced was she, exactly? Was this wish for the perfect boyfriend she was after a little girl's fantasy and not the last resort of a jaded woman?

We rode a little more, and I paused when we got near a certain 'rock'. "We should camp here tonight."

"Okay." Bulma capsuled her motorcycle and then produced a capsule house.

"I'm hunting for dinner. Would you like anything?"

Her mouth pursed. "No thanks. I'm fine with the food I packed."

Huh. Guess the city girl wasn't comfortable with food that had been moving an hour earlier.

I ate enough to feed a hungry Saiyan, which is to say enough for twenty men. That done, I walked into the capsule house. Bulma was enraptured by the television, where a handsome man was kissing a beautiful woman. "So romantic," she sighed.

I walked up beside her. "Bulma, can I take a bath? It's been a week since my last one."

"Wait, what? Get in there right now! I'll wash your clothes, just get clean right now!" she yelled, once she processed my words and gave me a sniff.

"Don't bother. They're too heavy for you… or the machine. I'll just destroy them and make new ones."

"How exactly do you plan to do that? I doubt you have a sewing machine on you."

I grinned. "I'll show you after you take your bath, okay?"

I shuffled off to the bathroom, where I gathered my weighted clothing into a ball and atomized them with a controlled ki blast. I then took a quick shower before hopping into the tub.

As I was relaxing, Bulma came up to the door. "Goku? Earlier, you said something about ki manipulation? What is that?"

"Ki is inner energy or life force. It's in everything. If you train at it, you can learn to manipulate it. It's how I made that energy blast and part of why I'm so fast. I channel my ki throughout my body and that makes me stronger and increases my perception speed. I can also use it to do a lot of different techniques. Like the one I'll use to make my new clothes."

"I'll believe it when I see it," Bulma called. "So, tell me more about yourself."

"Not much to tell," I said as I washed my hair. "I'm 13, I love my grandpa, and my hobbies are training and training. Got to get strong if I want to beat Frieza."

"That's the leader of the PTO that destroyed your planet, right? Just how strong is he?"

"Put it this way. There's this thing called Power Level that measures a person's ki. You're a 2, which incidentally is what I was at birth. Grandpa Gohan is about 80, and I'm around 1500, give or take if I go all out. Frieza is 120 million."

"W-what? 120 million? Are you sure you got the numbers right? How is that even possible?" Bulma shouted through the door.

"Biology. His race is notorious for being ridiculously powerful. But I'll beat him one day."

"How? Are you going to use the wish to get super strong?"

I stuck out my tongue even though she couldn't see. "Blegh. No way. Power from a wish isn't earned. I don't want to win like that. I want to train myself the old-fashioned way to the point that I'm stronger than Frieza. And then I'll get even stronger than that, until I'm the best that I can be. It'd be a shame to die without reaching your full potential, don't you think?"

"Yeah, I guess. Are you going to be much longer?"

I got out and flared my aura to evaporate all the water on my body. I wrapped a towel around my waist and walked out. "All done!"

Bulma starred. And drooled.

"Bulma? Are you okay?" I looked down and tried to imagine what she saw. My body fat percentage was in the single digits. My body looked like an anatomical chart, each muscle body pressed flesh up against the surface of my skin. My neck bulged like a tree trunk, my pecs were mesas creating valleys and ridges in my chest, and my abs were like bricks in a paved road leading down to a v-belt sharp enough to cut your finger.

I grinned and flexed my bicep. "Like what you see, Bulma?" I asked teasingly. No way she was actually attracted to me. She was probably just trying to reconcile the cognitive dissonance between my baby face and statuesque body.

She blushed up a storm and rushed past me, slamming the door shut.

I frowned. "Bulma? Are you okay? I was just making fun. I didn't mean to make you mad."

"No, no. I'm fine," she said, though her voice wavered slightly.

I cast my mind for a topic to talk about. "About the wish. How do you want to split it? What were you going to wish for before I came along?"

"Oh. I was going to wish for the perfect boyfriend."

I crossed my arms and leaned against the door. "Couldn't you get that the normal way? Why use a magic wish to get a boy to worship you? You must have them beating down your door."

"Yeah, cause I'm rich and my dad's famous." The bitterness in the words made black coffee seem like cola.

I blinked. "I was going to say beautiful and smart. But I'm sorry if you got the wrong kind of attention. You deserve to have a guy treat you nice."

"Thanks, Goku." I could hear her smile. "What would you wish for?"

I shrugged. "Something we can both use, that we couldn't possibly get by ordinary means. Like immortality or world peace." I had a brainwave. "How about a copy of all the knowledge in the universe? You could use all the technology and science and stuff at your dad's company, and I could use the martial arts and ki techniques to become a better fighter."

"That… that actually sounds awesome! I can't even imagine how advanced alien technology is. Though how would it all be stored? Let me think about it."

"Okay."

I waited a while, Bulma naturally taking longer in the bathroom than I had. She came out with a towel around her and wrapped up in her hair. I carefully avoided looking at her. "So, what's this about making new clothes?"

I focused and held out a finger. A beam of light emerged from it, which coalesced into a gi, pants, and underwear. They made a crater as they crashed from mid-air to the ground.

I winced. "Sorry. I wasn't thinking."

"How…" Bulma gaped. "I don't know which is worse, your casual energy-to-matter conversion or the fact that you wear clothes that heavy."

"It's easy once you know the trick. And I need to train however I can. Saiyans evolved for a gravity much higher than Earth's. Until someone invents artificial gravity, I'm stuck with weighted clothing as a substitute."

Bulma grinned. "Maybe it'll be in that copy of everything to know that we wish for."

"So we're going with that?" I asked, dropping the towel as I slipped my briefs on underneath it.

Bulma gulped, but kept talking as I got dressed. "Y-yeah. It's much more useful than my wish for a boyfriend. Besides, in all that knowledge might be stuff about robotics and artificial intelligence. Then I can just build the perfect boyfriend!"

I tilted my head. "Well, if that's what you want. I still say you're giving up on men a little too early. I mean, if you were my girlfriend, I'd try to be perfect for you. I can't be the only one in the world."

She blushed. "Thank you for that, Goku. I'll try and remember that."

I laid down on the floor, curling up like a cat. "Well, goodnight."

"Don't you at least want to be on the couch?"

"I'd probably break it. Besides, I've slept on the ground with rocks for pillows before. This is fine." I smiled at her. "Sweet dreams, Bulma."

"Sweet dreams, Goku." With that, she retreated to the bedroom, turning off the light as she went. I made myself comfortable on the carpet and began to meditate, slipping into sleep within minutes.

* * *

The next day dawned bright and clear. I went outside for my morning workout and to hunt breakfast while Bulma slept. That done, I went to check on the amphibian that had been our unintended neighbor.

"Hello in there!" I called into the head hole of the shell.

"Hello. My name is Turtle. Who are you?"

"I'm Son Goku. How'd you get here? It's a long way from the ocean."

"It's a long story. Do you have any saltwater, by any chance?"

I brought him inside, meeting a bleary-eyed Bulma at the coffee machine. I got Turtle a bucket of artificial seawater, which he guzzled thirstily. He explained that he'd gotten into a race with a hare and gotten lost. He'd been trying to make his way home ever since, but he was very slow on land.

Bulma pulled out a map. "You're out of luck. The ocean is about a 100 miles away."

"That'll take me 10 years!" Turtle wailed, holding his head with his flippers.

"We can take you," I offered.

"What? Goku, we're on a mission here! We can't take a detour for every Harry Hardluck we run into. No offense," she tacked on.

"None taken." This was one chill turtle.

"If I fly us instead of taking your slow vehicles, we can be there in twenty minutes tops," I offered.

Bulma narrowed her eyes. "You're telling me that not only can you fly, but you can fly at around half the speed of sound while carrying that huge turtle and me?"

"Easy."

Bulma eyed us before shaking her head. "Hell, I'll do it just to see what you do. Let's get on it."

Bulma got dressed, which took a couple hours. I bonded with Turtle while we waited. When she finally emerged, she capsuled the house and then looked expectantly at me. I hiked Turtle onto my back and then held him in place with my tail. Standing straight, I offered my arms for her to get into. Looking flushed, she settled into a bridal carry.

"Ready?"

"Ready."

"Just do it before I change my mind."

I lifted us gently. If you weren't looking at the ground vanishing below us, you wouldn't be able to tell we were moving. Once we were at a suitable height, I turned us south and began to accelerate. I did it slowly so they barely felt it. Before you knew it, the ground was blurring below us.

"How are you two doing?" I asked halfway through the journey.

"This is a lot higher than I'm used to." Turtle sounded quite relaxed.

"Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. We're flying. I'm _flying_." Bulma sounded very breathless. "Why isn't there any air resistance?" she demanded.

"I'm holding a bubble of air around us so we don't feel it," I supplied, trying to comfort her. I barely noticed her squeezing me hard as she could, her hold was so gentle, at least to me.

"This is amazing. I mean, it's terrifying, but it's amazing," she said. She closed her eyes and tucked her head into my neck. "Just tell me when it's over."

"We're nearly there," I supplied. I landed as fast as I could while making the descent gentle. Turtle all but sprinted into the water, crying out with joy. I gently set Bulma down on her own feet. She took a few shaky steps, like a newborn colt.

"Bulma? Are you okay?"

"That… that… THAT WAS TOTALLY WICKED!" she screamed. "Goku, how did you do that?"

"Flying is pretty easy, if you have enough ki. You just push against gravity," I explained simply.

She laughed, sounding a little out of it. "A flying alien! I'm friends with a flying alien!" She eyed me with a wild gleam in her eye. "I have _got_ to get you into my lab. There's so many things I want to know about Saiyan physiology and ki!"

Why was she so excited about this? She hadn't given a shit in canon. Maybe because she'd been introduced to it differently, with fun stuff instead of just raw destruction. "Sure. But again, no dissection."

"Will you agree to an MRI and a CAT scan?"

"Sure." There was really no reason for me to train with Master Roshi. Grandpa Gohan had already taught me the Kamehameha Wave and I was the strongest person on the planet, based on my ki sense. Besides, Bulma was my best shot at a gravity chamber.

"Thank you so much!" Turtle spoke up from where he'd been playing in the ocean. "If you'll wait right here, I'll go get my master. He'll surely reward you for helping me."

I turned to Bulma. "Well, Bulma, how about it? Feel like a day at the beach?"

"Sure! Why not? With you flying us, we can get the other Dragon Balls in a snap!"

Bulma and I settled in on the beach while Turtle went off to find his master. She, naturally, had packed swim gear. The sight of her in a two-piece lounging on a chaise in the sun had me very glad that the water was cold. I played around in the water, doing laps and flips and dives, before relaxing on the beach. I built a city out of sand and then rampaged through it like Godzilla or Kong, to Bulma's giggles. After that, I just laid back in the sand next to her. Rest was just as much a part of training as working out. It was good for me to just take a day off every now and then.

"Goku… can I play with your tail?" Bulma asked after a few minutes.

I sat up and turned my back to her. "Sure. Just be careful. It's really sensitive. Squeezing it used to make me pass out before I trained that weakness away."

"Who would squeeze it?"

"Remember what I told you about the Oozaru? Grandpa did it when I started to lose control training it."

"That's another thing about you to study. Turning into a hundred-foot simian just because you get exposed to a particular kind of radiation makes no sense. What kind of evolutionary forces would produce something like that?" she wondered aloud as she stroked my tail, curling her finger around the tip. I about melted into a pile of goo. It was so much better than getting your back scratched. Tailless people just wouldn't understand.

"What's your plan, after we get our wish?" Bulma asked.

"Well, I'll go back with you to wherever you live so you can study me. I'll train like usual until the World Martial Arts Tournament. Grandpa Gohan told me it's a gathering of the strongest fighters in the world. It might be fun, and the prize money should come in handy."

"What about after that? What do you want to do with your life?" Bulma's hands shifted from my tail to my shoulders, but I didn't care. She could touch me however she wanted, I wouldn't care, so blissed out was I.

"I want to get as strong as physically possible, but that'll take years. I want a place I can call home and enough food to fill my belly. I want to find a nice girl and settle down and try to repopulate the Saiyans. I'm an endangered species, after all."

Bulma frowned behind my back. "Have you thought about donating sperm or cloning? That's a lot of pressure to put on one woman."

"No one's raising my kids except me and their mother," I said decisively. "Call me selfish, but I'm not going to have a hundred kids running around I don't know about. Besides, what mother or couple would be able to handle a half-Saiyan? And cloning is just weird. So, yeah, just the one girl and a bunch of babies. Unless she's okay with me having multiple wives, but what are the odds of that?"

Bulma pursed her lips. "Pretty low, unless she's bisexual or not that jealous. Probably both just to be safe."

"Right. So, a nice family-minded girl," I said, leaning back into her hands.

"Or possibly two or more open-minded girls," Bulma added, her tone teasing.

"Yeah, every guy's dream. But not very likely."

Bulma pursed her lips. "You'd never see it the other way around. No one would be okay with one woman with multiple husbands."

"Yeah, that's not fair. Oh, that got me thinking!" I stood up, Bulma's hands' absence felt as I left their embrace. I shook my head and focused, forcing down my erection. Hopefully she hadn't seen that. Anyway, I used the Matter Creation technique to make a volleyball net and ball, and then used Multiform. "This should be fun," the four of me said in unison.

Bulma was drooling again.

About an hour later, while we were having lunch, there was a beeping from Bulma's bag. She went to check, and her eyes shot wide open. "Goku! Another Dragon Ball is moving… towards us!"

I perked up. "Huh. Maybe that's the gift Turtle's master wants to give us."

"This is just the best day! Whoo-hoo!" Bulma jumped up and down in joy. My eyes tracked her jiggling bits for a few seconds before I rushed into the ocean and began swimming off my desires, cramps be damned. Man, the original Goku must have just been asexual instead of brain damaged. My body had no problem reacting to my naughty thoughts.

Now, if only my growth spurt would come earlier than 17-20 like it did for him, that would be nice.

A couple hours later, Turtle appeared on the horizon. There appeared to be someone on his back. "Hey, you guys! This is my master. He's here to give you a gift!"

Master Roshi the Turtle Hermit walked off his underling's back and onto the beach. He looked exactly as I 'remembered' him. Bald head, white beard, sunglasses, tropical outfit, wooden staff, turtle shell on his back. "Hello. I am Master Roshi. I'm very thankful that you helped my companion return home."

"It was nothing, really," I said.

"If you want to thank us, you can give us your Dragon Ball," Bulma said, pointing to the orb hanging by a string around his neck.

"Huh? This old bauble? If you want it, you can have it. Now I won't have to give up the magic carpet."

"Yes!" Bulma cried as he handed it over. She rushed over to her bag, bending over to put the Dragon Ball inside. Roshi got a nosebleed appreciating the view, which I took issue at. Sure, I'd been ogling her too, but she was young enough to be his granddaughter. Great-great-granddaughter actually, given the fact he was over three hundred years old.

I flexed my aura, powering up to the maximum. The wind picked up even as the air seemed to grow heavy, and ripples went out into the water as a white glow surrounded me.

"I wonder how my grandpa would feel knowing that his 'wise' and 'venerable' old master was perving on a 16-year-old," I said threateningly.

"No harm in looking," he countered, even as he sweat bullets. Running into someone even stronger than King Piccolo must be freaking him out on the inside.

I toned down the energy, returning to normal. "Well, look somewhere else," I said, before turning to Bulma. She was staring at me with the oddest look in her eyes.

It wasn't until much later that it occured to me that a powerful, shirtless man defending her honor might have an effect on her.

Bulma and I got dressed and flew off, leaving a gaping Master Roshi and embarrassed Turtle. We wound up collecting all the other Dragon Balls that very day with me flying us from place to place. The fifth we got by beating up Oolong and returning the 'kidnapped' daughters to their village. The sixth was retrieved from the Ox-King, who was just about to send out his daughter Chi-Chi to collect the Bansho Fan from Master Roshi. I offered instead to fly around their castle so fast I created a vacuum, choking the flames. The two heartily congratulated me and freely offered the Dragon Ball from their treasury. Bulma got very rude with Chi-Chi for some reason. The seventh was retrieved from Pilaf's palace. Wanting to avert future hijinks, I looked the little blue man dead in the eye with my most threatening aura and told him that if he ever went looking for the Dragon Balls again, I'd kill him.

By the time the sun set, Bulma and I were looking down at the seven Dragon Balls.

"They're beautiful," Bulma said softly, looking down on them.

"They are," I said, looking at her more than the gems. I looked down at them before she noticed, or at least I thought I did. "So, how do we summon the dragon?"

Bulma cleared her throat. She called out in a clear voice, enunciating carefully "Arise Shenron, and grant me a wish!"

The Dragon Balls glowed until they were impossible to look at. The sky darkened as thunder and lightning appeared from nowhere. Out of the light, a winding green dragon emerged, disappearing and reappearing into the clouds, before coming down to face the two of us, his winding form behind him.

" **You who have summoned me, I will grant you one wish,** " it said in a voice of fire and ash.

Bulma hesitated, obviously scared by the dragon in her face, so I took over. "We wish for a portable, self-powered computer loaded with all the information in the Universe and an easy-to-use search interface." I wanted to cover all the bases. No point of getting all the knowledge if we couldn't use it.

The dragon, Shenron, tilted its head. In a flash of light, a laptop appeared on the ground before us. " **Your wish has been granted.** " With that, it dissolved into light as the seven Dragon Balls floated into the air. In a blast, they were scattered, sent to the corners of the world. I flew as fast as I could and managed to catch each of them before they made it five miles.

"There! Now we don't have to go looking if we want to make another wish in a year," I said, touching down with her duffel bag stuffed in my arms.

Bulma was gaping at me. "Goku… thank you. Just… thank you."

"It was nothing."

She grinned and grabbed the laptop. "I'm going to be studying this thing as much as the stuff inside it! What powers it? How does it have so much memory in such a small space? What coding does it use?"

"How about just asking it? It has _all_ the answers in it, shouldn't it?" I pointed out.

"Oh, right." Bulma hit the power button. A simple search bar appeared on the screen. "Let's try… Son Goku," she said playfully, typing in my name. She hit the 'enter' key. The next page showed a 3D model of me along with an encyclopedic listing of information about me.

"Wow, it really has everything!" she gaped.

I skimmed the page, my cheeks dusting pink. "Including the size of my penis. And the fact I used to wet the bed. That's fun."

Bulma was blushing too. "Well, we did wish for every fact there was. It's part of you."

"Well, let's try looking you up!"

"No way!"

We fought over the Archive for a bit, as we decided to name it later. Then Bulma brought out the capsule house and we went to sleep. Well, I went to sleep. As I curled up on the carpet, I could hear Bulma typing and clicking, delving deeper and deeper into the store of knowledge.

* * *

I woke up blearily, aware of someone poking me.

"Goku? Goku! Goku, wake up!"

"Wha' is it?" I asked, yawning and sitting up. Bulma was crouched by me, eyes oddly bright.

"The Archive isn't just an encyclopedia, it's an answer machine! If you type in a question, it'll just give the answer or redirect you to the relevant page!"

"That's nice," I said, rubbing my eyes. "Did you really have to wake me up to tell me that?"

"Yes, I did! Because guess what came up when I typed in 'Who is Bulma's perfect boyfriend?'"

I froze. My mind reeled. No way. No way, no way, no way. "Um… Prince Vegeta?" I asked as much as said.

She rolled her eyes. "No, you loveable goon. It's _you_!"

"Really?" I asked, my voice going oddly high as it always did when I was nervous.

"Well, technically it said Soul 4829A1826M0683Q0175G, but when I searched for that it came up as you." Bulma grinned. "You know what this means, right?"

"That we can be very happy together," I said, my mouth splitting into a grin. Once I processed the shock, or rather shoved it into a dark corner of my mind to deal with later, I was elated. What do you know, I had found my soulmate!

"Yes, it does." Bulma got a downright hungry look. "It also means I don't have to worry about doing this."

Before I knew what was going on, she was kissing me.

I was overwhelmed by the taste of strawberries, the warmth of her body, the scent of her in my nose. My body moved on instinct, reaching up to cup her face. The kiss lasted a full minute. Her tongue was just starting to tease my lips when I pulled back.

"Bulma… are you sure about this? I mean, we barely know each other."

She rolled her eyes. "Doesn't matter. I want it, you want it, why not? Who better to lose it to than your perfect match?"

"Oh believe me, I want it," I said. "I just don't want you to regret this. We can take this slow, work up to it. Dates and talking and rounding the bases. We don't have to do it right here and now if you don't want to."

She grinned. "That little speech right there, that's exactly why I'm okay doing it right here and now. You're a good guy, Goku. I know we're both young, but you're my friend. Besides, I want to do this now. I want this perfect day to have a perfect ending. I want to be stupid and make love with a boy I trust even though I don't really know him that well. I want _you_."

Her words electrified me. "Bulma…" I sighed, leaning in for another kiss. How could I say no to _that_?

We made out for a while, getting intimately familiar with each other's tongues. Our hands roamed from time to time, feeling out each other's bodies. She made to pull at my clothes, but they refused to budge.

I chuckled. "Let me do that for you." So fast I was a blur, I took off my shirt and pants, folded them, and laid them down so they wouldn't break the floor. I stood before in nothing but my black briefs, my tail poking out a hole and the front tented with my arousal.

Her eyes were locked on my body. "God, you're gorgeous. You look better than a model."

"Why, thank you. I worked really hard to look like this," I grinned saucily. "Why don't we take this to the bed and I can see you in your underwear, hm?"

She gave a smile, confident and sexy, no fear. She had absolute faith that I was perfect for her. Without a word, she turned and walked towards the bedroom. As she did, she pulled off her shirt and shimmied out of her skirt. I trailed behind her, my tongue dragging along the floor. Her ass was sublime, a perfect peach teasing me from behind tight pink panties.

We hopped onto her king-sized bed. Our difference in height would have made things awkward if we weren't so carried away with teenage lust. I dipped her back leaned over, plundering her mouth with my own. With slow movements, meant not to startle, I cupped her cheek before trailing it down her neck before cupping one of her mouth-watering breasts in my hand. It was a perfect fit, even though we both still had some growing to do. She moaned as I rotated my wrist, gently massaging her sweet teat with calloused fingers through the thin cotton of her bra.

"Is this expensive?" I asked after a few minutes.

"Why?" she questioned, looking up with me with lidded eyes.

"Well, I wanted to make sure you wouldn't mind if I did… this." With as much effort as she'd use to tear paper, I ripped the dastardly device keeping her chest contained in two.

"Oh! You can do that whenever you like! It's sexy," she moaned, as my palms finally made contact with soft, delicate skin.

I dipped my head. "Good to know," I muttered before taking her nipple into my mouth.

I suckled and licked and groped, accompanied by the melody of Bulma's moans and cries. I played her body like a flute, taking pleasure from giving pleasure, my cock growing heavy and aching as I tasted and molded her body to my desires. I dipped my tail down below, rubbing her pearly gates through her cute little panties.

"Bulma, you're so wet. Are you wet just for me? Is all that juice for your Saiyan lover?" I asked roughly, slipping into dirty talk on some primal impulse.

"YES! Yes, it is!" she moaned, almost screaming.

I leaned up to give her a quick kiss, before moving down her body until my head was at the junction of her thighs. I inhaled deeply of the bouquet of her arousal, before ripping her panties off with the same casual ferocity I'd used on her brassiere. She yelped, before shrieking as I leaned in to feast on her honey.

My tongue was numb and my jaw was aching before I had my fill of her. I'd driven her to three orgasms, and I was filled with male pride as she trembled and screamed beneath my ministrations.

"Goku! Please! I want… I want you," she huffed, coming down off her most recent high.

"Your wish is my command, Bulma," I said, slipping out of my soaked underwear. Between her dripping liquids and my leaking precum, I was as lubricated as I needed to be. I teased her nether lips with the head of my throbbing manhood. "You want this?"

"Yes!"

"Where do you want it, Bulma?"

"Inside!"

"Inside what?" I asked, teasing her even as I gave some soft thrusts, not enough to penetrate but enough to make her feel me.

"Inside my pussy! I want your fat, hard dick inside my slutty cunt! You happy?" she demanded, locking eyes with me over an embarrassed blush.

I leaned down to kiss her stomach as I flexed my hips and finally, FINALLY entered her. "Ecstatic," I moaned.

Soft as silk, warm as pie, tight as a vice. Bulma's snatch molded around my invading prick like it was made just for me. There was a small bit of resistance, but I pushed through implacably until I was buried to the root.

We waited there, just breathing, as she made me a man and I made her a woman.

"Can I move?" I asked, desperate for sensation even as I was stimulated to the brink just by being inside.

"Yeah," came her reply. She cupped the back of my head, even as her legs came up to wrap around my waist. "Move, Goku."

I began to thrust in and out, in and out, in the ageless rhythm so many first lovers had discovered before. I pushed deep and hard, my balls coming up to slap her ass, the tip of my erection poking at the gates of her womb. Then I withdrew, harsh and fast, the slip and slide of her heavenly warmth against my cock driving me crazy with desire and euphoria. She sang for me, cooing and yipping, and vocalizing as my efforts drove her to new heights and peaks of ecstasy. I never wanted it to end, but all good things must.

"Bulma… I'm close. Where do you want it?"

"Inside! I want to feel you inside me!"

"Is it… safe?" I managed to ask, even as I bucked harder at her words.

"Yes, yes, now just do it! Fill me up! Make me yours!" she demanded as only an heiress could.

"Then here… it… is!" I grunted, pressing my pelvis flush to her's as I erupted, my seed shooting out deep within her body. "BULMA!"

"GOKU!"

We panted in the afterglow, my sated member sliding out of her slit as I crawled up her body to peck her lips and lie my head on her shoulder. We cuddled, her arms coming up to hold me even as I wrapped her in my own.

"That… was…" she huffed.

"Perfect?" I offered.

"Yes. It was perfect," she said, sleepy and content.

I waited a few seconds before asking the question burning in my mind. "Want to do it again?"

"What?" she cried, looking down at me. I rubbed my awakening rod against the creamy smoothness of her side.

"I have a _lot_ of stamina," I said simply.

Neither of us got much sleep that night. But it was worth it.


	2. Chapter 2

**Wow, what a response. I'd just like to thank everyone who gave such overwhelming feedback. To the haters, yes this IS blatant wish fullfillment. But some people want that every now and then, and I'm happy to give it to them. And as for all the cries about Goku's age, I'd just like to silently point to the Naruto fandom and it's overwhelming amount of lewd content for a bunch of child soldiers. Anyway, on with the fic.**

* * *

I snuggled my head closer to the wonderful pillow it was on. I didn't want to wake up. I had the most amazing dream last night. Bulma came onto me and we had steaming interspecies sex all night long.

"Goku, you're poking me. Didn't you get enough last night?" came an exhausted whimper.

My eyes shot open. Not a dream. Definitely not a dream. Or else there was a pretty weird explanation for how I had ended up naked in Bulma's bed and spooning her.

"Sorry," I said absently, tilting my lower half away so my morning wood wouldn't disturb the bluenette in my arms.

"I get that you're, like, superhuman, or not even human at all, but I am. I need some rest after all that. It was my first time, you know."

"First seven times, actually," I corrected, my mouth splitting to reach my ears as my ego inflated at the memory.

"Yeah, yeah, you're a god in bed. I'm still sore like you wouldn't believe."

I frowned. I laid my hand over her, cupping her in my hands.

"What did I just say?" she asked pissily, turning to glare at me.

"Shh, shh. Relax. I'm fixing it," I said. I focused intently, reaching my ki through her skin to feel the damage. With some delicate, gentle coaxing, I got her body to heal itself, speeding up the natural process with my own energy.

"What… what did you just do?" she asked.

"Ki healing. I'm not very good at it, it's very light, sensitive work. I wouldn't be able to fix a broken bone or heart attack, but muscle soreness is easy enough. I did it for Grandpa when he got tired from all our spars."

She turned around, giving me a kiss. "You're amazing. You know that, right?"

"I try," I said, smiling. "Now, unless you're ready for round eight, we should probably get dressed."

"Yeah," Bulma said, stretching out in bed in a display I couldn't look away from. "We need to get the Archive safely to Capsule Corps."

"Not to mention the Dragon Balls. They're just stone right now, but they still need to be protected." I gulped. "Plus I have to meet your parents. That should be… fun."

"Relax. They don't need to know what we did. I'll just introduce you as my friend."

"Yeah, but how am I going to look your dad in the eye?"

Bulma blew an errant lock of hair out of her face. "How should I know? I've never had to meet a boyfriend's parents after having sex before."

"Your support is overwhelming, sweetheart," I said in a deadpan.

She blew me a kiss.

We got dressed, capsuled the house, and then flew to West City. The Archive and the duffel bag with the Dragon Balls were tucked safely in Bulma's arms as I carried her through the air. We touched down in a spacious estate in the heart of the City.

"Welcome to the Briefs Mansion," Bulma said, sweeping a hand at the huge building.

"Is this a house or a headquarters?" I asked, marveling at the sheer amount of room her family had carved out of the urban center.

"A bit of both. There's an office downtown, but Daddy tends to bring his work home with him."

In short order, I was introduced to Bulma's cartoon housewife of a mother, Panchy, and her absent-minded father, Briefs. We enjoyed an impromptu brunch where Bulma regaled her parents with tales of her adventure and I tried to keep my head down and focus on the food. Dr. Briefs was fascinated by the Archive, and I knew that he and Bulma were going to vanish into the lab afterwards to examine it.

"Goku, why don't you explore the city or the house? Daddy and I have work to do," my lover said once help appeared to take away the dishes.

"Sure. Just promise that you'll make a gravity chamber a priority."

Bulma grinned and kissed my cheek. My eyes darted to her parents, but they didn't blink. Must be my diminutive size working in my favor. "As fast as I can build one. I promise."

I spent a few days lounging on the couch, finding out what was on TV, before the promised gravity chamber was built. In that time, I got to develop a taste for professional catering as I was treated to the five-star meals made by the kitchen staff. If I wasn't careful, I'd get back all the baby fat I'd worked so hard to burn off. I tried talking to Panchy, but Bulma had clearly gotten her brains from her father, if you know what I mean. I had no money, and no desire to mooch off my girlfriend and her family any more than I already was by asking, so I didn't really explore the city. The evenings were the highlight of my days, because Bulma usually made it to dinner. We'd talk about what amazing find she and her father had teased out of the Archive that day and get to know each other better while her parents watched with smiling faces.

And every night, if I snuck out of my room after dark and back in before dawn, well, nobody called me out on it. Bulma sure wasn't complaining.

After a week in West City, Bulma came to find me and brought me to a dome-shaped building that hadn't been there when we arrived.

"Here you go, my little warrior. Best we could do on short notice. It goes up all the way to 100x Earth's natural gravity. That should keep you busy until we can take the time to upgrade it, shouldn't it?"

I looked up at her with pride. "Thanks, baby. This is just what I needed." I flew up a couple feet to give her a kiss before dropping back to waist height.

Bulma giggled. "Just make sure you aren't late for dinner. I didn't build this for you just to lose you to it. I know how much you love to train, but I still want to spend time with my boyfriend every day."

"I promise," I said solemnly. "In fact, if you aren't busy, I was wondering if I could take you out tonight."

"Really?" In an instant my genius turned into a blushing schoolgirl. She brought her hands to her cheeks and toyed with her hair and everything. "Well, this is all very sudden but… okay! When will you pick me up?"

"Let's say 8. That gives us an hour after dinner to get ready."

"What should I wear? Where are we going?"

"That's a surprise," I said, winking. "Just dress warm, we'll be outdoors."

"Got it!" Giggling up a storm, Bulma walked away, either to daydream about our date or get back to her father, I couldn't tell.

Smiling after her (and admiring the view from behind), I turned and entered the room. It was bare, about a hundred feet in diameter, just an empty half-sphere with recessed lighting and a reinforced tile floor. I found the control panel on the far wall and worked out how to use it simply enough. Taking a deep breath, I turned the dial to 10x Earth and hit the activation key.

For the first time in my life, I had to struggle just to stand up straight. It probably didn't help that I was still wearing weighted clothing, but I was never one to back down from a challenge. I took a minute to do some simple stretches, feeling the burn of exertion just from these simple movements. With a grin, my Saiyan blood pumping hot in my veins, I started to train.

I spent the next ten hours training, alternating between an hour of effort and an hour of meditation and cool down so I didn't collapse. I spent three of the working hours doing calisthenics as advanced as I could handle with the added gravity, and two sparring against a Multiform. I had managed to tune the technique so that we were a 40-60 split instead of dead even. I had hopes that fighting an opponent stronger than me, even if it was just a ki clone, would activate the Zenkai boost aspect of my DNA. The meditation was spent practicing my ki healing on myself and trying to expand my senses, so I could feel further and in more detail. I could already generally sense the planet at large, but I wanted to be able to follow the path of an ant on the opposite side of the world. I also guided an energy ball up, down, and around the room, keeping it slow and controlled rather than letting it fly fast as it could.

At 6, I came out of the gravity chamber, stinking to high heaven but with a smile on my face. I'd gotten a lot of good work done. I already felt lighter in normal Earth gravity. A few months of pushing myself, upping the gravity whenever things got too 'easy', and my Power Level would soar. I might just pull a Whis and win the World Martial Arts Tournament with one finger. I was already stronger than Radditz, just how far could I climb before my dear brother showed up? I had about 12 years before the events of Dragon Ball Z kicked off. That was a lot of time to train, especially armed as I was with the truth of just how high I could go.

I wasn't saying that I'd reach God of Destruction level before the alien invasions started. But there was no reason not to try, right?

Though I might need to use a wish to make ki from this planet undetectable, lest I attract unwanted attention should I climb too high. Speaking of wishes, would the Archive have information on how to upgrade the Dragon Statue in Kami's Lookout so we could get more wishes from Shenron? I still had still yet to spend much time with it, Bulma and Briefs hogging it for the most part. I also wanted to look up ki techniques. I was especially interested to see if there was some way to beat the 'bad' out of bad guys. Some technique that would banish the evil from a person's soul without splitting them like Kami had with Piccolo. That would definitely come in handy facing off against the villains of the universe. After all, the best way to defeat an enemy was to make them your friend.

Eh, I had plenty of time to worry about all that. What I should be focusing on now was my date with Bulma.

I showered and created clothes a bit fancier than my usual training uniform, a button-up and jeans. Panchy commented on how handsome I looked as the four of us sat down to dinner. I blushed and accepted the compliment, though the woman whose opinion I really wanted had to keep silent lest we give ourselves away. It kind of sucked, having to hide our relationship. But it also made it feel naughty and hot, so I was okay with it.

After dinner, I checked with the kitchen to see if they'd prepared the package I'd asked for that morning. They had, and so I waited until the appropriate time before flying up to Bulma's window and knocking on the glass.

"Goku?" she asked, opening the portal.

I grinned. "Would my lovely lady care to be swept away for a romantic picnic beneath the stars?"

Her face lit up. "I would love that."

The picnic basket held safely by my tail, I held out my arms and helped guide Bulma into the bridal carry we normally used when flying. Once she was secure, I turned us toward the mountains and sped off, Bulma shrieking as I accelerated faster than I ever had before. She nearly caused us to crash when she started to kiss my neck, but I swerved at the last minute and continued on. I don't know if she even noticed. She was a real firecracker, my Bulma. I still couldn't believe that I was lucky enough to be with her.

We landed on the summit of Mt. Paozu, a place I was intimately familiar with. It also had one of the best views in the world, as far as I was concerned.

"Wow! You can see for miles. And there's so many stars in the sky," Bulma gaped as I set up the picnic blanket.

"I thought you'd like it. Now, which would you like? Strawberries, chocolate, cheesecake?"

"How about a drink first?"

"Okay." I popped the cork on a bottle of sparkling cider, pouring some into a glass with barely any spillage.

We settled down on the blanket, eating the goodies and just talking, being together without any barriers or masks. The background of the star-filled sky and the moonlit valley around the mountain was nothing compared to Bulma's beauty. At least that was my opinion.

Bulma leaned back on her hands, looking up at the cosmos. "I look at them differently now."

"The stars?" I asked to clarify, wondering at the topic change.

"Yeah. Knowing there's life out there really makes it different." She looked over to me. "I wonder if we can see Vegeta's star from here?"

"I honestly have no idea," I said. "Not that I really care, anyway. My home is here."

Bulma grinned and looked back at the sky. She finally seemed to notice one crucial detail. "Wait a minute… it's a full moon!"

I grinned. "Don't worry. I've mastered Oozaru completely. I don't change unless I want to."

Bulma regarded me with the bright eyes of a scientist. "Can… can I see? Pretty please?"

I shrugged. "Sure." I unbuttoned my shirt and slid off my pants.

"Why are you getting naked? Not that I mind," she tacked on, looking me up and down while licking her lips.

I smirked as a slid out of my briefs, standing before her in all my glory. "I don't want to rip them when I grow, that's why."

"Oh, right, that makes sense," she said absently. "Wow, you're really a grower, not a shower, huh?"

I blushed but didn't cover myself. "Hey, give me a break. It's cold. And I'm only thirteen, I'll remind you."

"Please don't. I feel like a cradle-robbing perv when I think about it. Then I look at you and you're just so manly I forget."

I chuckled. Then I focused and looked up at the moon. I relaxed the steel control I'd kept on the slumbering giant inside me just a tad, letting him come to the surface and reform my body. But I maintained my will, my ability to reason, my suppression of my full power. I would not give those up to him.

In seconds, it was done, and I was large enough to fit Bulma in the palm of my hand.

"Ta-da!" I said, waving my hands and tail down at my girl.

"Wow! That's amazing!" Bulma gaped. "Makes no sense from my current understanding of biology, but it's cool."

I shrugged. "Yeah, I guess. But it's also dangerous. Most Saiyans, from what I can tell, never gain this level of control over it. They turn into mindless berserkers."

"Yeah, but you're special."

I rubbed the back of my head. "I'd say I'm just more stubborn than is good for me."

She shook her head. "Humble to a fault. You can't even take a compliment, can you?"

"I just don't want to let it go to my head. I'm not better than anyone else. Stronger, faster, nicer, maybe. But not _better_."

She smiled gently up at me. "Turn back now. You're too big to kiss."

I shrunk back down, rejecting the Blutz waves with an effort of focus, until I stood naked before her in my base form. While I'd been changing, she'd slipped out of her clothes. Her nipples were peaked from the cold, and she shivered as much from the air as my lusty gaze.

I tackled her, wrapping her in my arms and tangling the blanket around us, brushing the basket off into the distance to worry about later.

I never did end up returning that blanket. I kept it as a memento, of the night Bulma saw me as a monster and looked at me with love in her eyes still.

The months passed in a blur of training, stretching my limits to the breaking point and then doing the exact same thing the next day, only with the difficulty raised. I took one day off a week to give my weary body a chance to rest, which wound up becoming 'date night'. Bulma usually left them up to me, and I'd come up with simple gestures that took advantage of my powers to arrange. Every now and then, though, she took me out on the town and spent money like it came from a board game, and I enjoyed life as a trophy boyfriend to a billionaire's daughter. Movie premieres, fancy parties, concerts. And I only embarrassed her about one time out of three.

Every now and then, though, I took a break from training to go on 'field trips' as I liked to call them…

* * *

I wandered through the Diablo Desert, waiting for Yamcha to take the bait. I could sense that he was close by, hiding behind a sand dune behind me. I'd packed a backpack and filled it with rocks to give it a bulging appearance, to make me seem like a juicier target. Now I just had to wait for him to come at me.

Any minute now.

Just give it a second.

Right… about… now!

"Halt!" Yamcha shouted, riding in on a hoverbike, leaping from it to stand before me, Puar hovering behind his shoulder.

"Finally," I muttered to myself. Took him long enough.

"I am Yamcha, the Desert Bandit! Hand over your valuables and nobody needs to get hurt," the teenager demanded, getting into an aggressive stance.

I shrugged off the backpack. "Yeah, about that. I don't have anything on me. I do have an offer for you, though."

The thief's eyes narrowed. "Oh? What's that?"

"We fight, right here and now. You win, I'll give you a million Zeni. I win, you train with this guy I know and we have a rematch at the World Martial Arts Tournament. Oh, and you give up the whole bandit thing. And Puar teaches me how to do the Shapeshifting technique."

The anthropomorphic flying cat tilted his head. "How did he know?"

"Who cares? I'm going to take his money and then his life. You're on, kid!"

I nodded, and as my head was down he struck.

"Wolf Fang Fist!"

I channeled ki throughout my body, and he went from speeding at me to moving in slow motion. I walked forward, tilting my head to avoid his fist, and gave a 'light' jab to his solar plexus.

His forward momentum met and overcome, Yamcha fell to the sand. He managed to puke up the contents of his stomach just before he passed out.

"Yamcha? Yamcha!" Puar shouted. The high-voiced feline shook his companion's shoulder.

"Don't worry, he's alive. Now about the Shapeshift…"

I spent an hour with Puar, working out the kinks and intricacies of a technique that let you physically change form. As I'd suspected, since even weaklings like Puar and Oolong could do it, it had more to do with finesse than power. You basically had to take control of the 'frame' of your ki and mold it into a different shape. The body would follow. After a few simple experiments, where I managed not to lose a toe or get permanently stuck as a watering can, I figured I had it down.

"Thanks, Puar. Now, you might want to hop on. We'll be flying a lot faster than you're used to."

I heaved Yamcha's limp form into a fireman's carry, made sure Puar had a good grip, and rocketed off. Within an hour, I was touching down by a beach before a pink shack with the words 'Kame House' written above the door.

"Master Roshi!" I shouted.

"Eh? Oh, it's you Goku. What in the world are you doing here?" the aged hermit asked as he came out the door.

I indicated Yamcha on the sand. "I want you to take this guy on as a student. I have a feeling he's got real potential."

Roshi stroked his beard and regarded the both of us from behind his sunglasses. "I'm sorry to say, Goku, but I've already taken on a student. A young monk named Krillin."

"You can handle two," I argued.

"Sorry, kid, it's against my policy."

I sighed. I'd hoped it wouldn't come to this, even though I'd mentally prepared myself for it. Using my newly learned Shapeshifting, I transformed into a buxom blonde bombshell lifted straight off a pin-up. Roshi's jaw dropped to the floor.

"Won't you please train my friend? _Master_ Roshi?" I purred, fighting the urge to puke while I put on my performance.

"Of course I will!" he shouted to the heavens, blood spurting from his nose, as he charged at me to give me a hug… or maybe to grope me.

In a flash and a puff of smoke, I returned to base form and shot up into the sky. When I was halfway to the stratosphere, I turned direction and made for West City.

"I'm going to need a shower," I shuddered, utterly traumatized.

Still, I had accomplished something today. Yamcha would get some serious training and start the path to maybe being a useful ally one day. And I had gotten my hands on a nifty ability with applications limited only by my imagination. It might end up being little more than a party trick, but I wouldn't know until I got to experimenting. Could I shapeshift into a healthy body while injured? Did becoming a muscle-bound giant give me comparable gains in strength? And let's not discount turning limbs into weapons. I was eager to find out all that and more.

Bulma, when she learned of my new trick, had a quite a different take on it. Let's just say I did a lot of my Shapeshifting practice in the bedroom and leave it at that.

* * *

I stood at the base of Korin Tower. The column extended up into the sky, the top so far away it was beyond my sight. I had already met Bora and Upa, and the two guardians had deemed me worthy of attempting the climb. I felt the two of them watching me, waiting for me to embark on one of the toughest physical challenges in the world.

Well, time to see if all that gravity training was doing anything.

I clicked a stopwatch, and then I powered up to my max and took off. I started off by jumping up, making it a good hundred feet before I got close to the tower. Then it was climbing, foot then hand, foot then hand. I moved as fast as I could, fighting against the resistance of the wind and the pull of my weighted clothing. My blood roared in my ears as I energized every cell of my body with ki. I kept at it, never relenting, until I finally reached the top of the tower and climbed onto the entrance platform.

I powered down and checked the stopwatch. "4 minutes 50 seconds," I read. "Hmm. I'll have to do this again when Bulma makes those gravity belts. It's a great workout," I mused, catching my breath after the intense exertion. I was already up to 30x Earth's gravity in the chamber, so the day-long climb for most was just a quick sprint for me.

I climbed higher into the guts of the tower until I reached the main floor, where I was met by a white cat with a walking stick. He was sweating buckets and seemed to be cowering before me.

"Um, are you okay?"

The cat paused, seeming to stare at me through his closed eyes. "Oh, wow. Psychic AND pure of heart, if not necessarily in body. So you aren't here to challenge me for the title of 'God of Martial Arts?'"

I shook my head. "No. I'm here for three things. A few Senzu beans, the Ultra Divine Water, and a lesson on mind reading."

Korin frowned. "I'll give you the beans. I have dozens of them saved up, no harm in giving you some. But the Ultra Divine Water is far too dangerous. I won't allow you to throw your life away drinking it. And it takes years and years of meditation to even begin to peer into the minds of others."

I shrugged. "I'm not asking for you to let me stay until I get the hang of it, just point me in the right direction. And as for the Water… if I promise not to drink it, could I at least get a sample of it?"

Korin rubbed a paw along his nose. "Oh, that's clever. You're going to have your lady friend use that gift from Shenron and the dose I give you to recreate it or even improve on it. Well, best of luck, but not everything can be broken down by mere science. With your vow not to drink the actual Ultra Divine Water, I'll agree to give you a drop. As for the knock-offs, that'll be at your own risk."

"That sounds reasonable," I agreed.

"As for telepathy… I suppose there's no harm in covering the basics."

I got a very confusing lecture on retreating inwards while also looking outwards, how the mind was the most complex thing in the universe, and many other platitudes and bits of wisdom, but I managed to get the gist. It required a truly daunting amount of focus and willpower combined with delicate spiritual awareness, but mind reading was the art of sensing the structure and make-up of a person's ki and the millions of tiny fluctuations in it to make out or 'hear' their stream of consciousness. Korin was right, it could take years to develop a knack for doing it, let alone mid-combat. But I was determined to know what my opponent was doing almost before they did. You couldn't put a price on the advantage that would bring to a fight.

With a bow of thanks, and with a bag containing a handful of beans as well as a corked vial, I jumped off the edge of the Tower, switching to flight before I reached the ground and returning to my home at the Briefs Mansion.

Hopefully Bulma would find a way to mass-produce Senzu beans and work out the precise function of the Ultra Divine Water. A way to instantly heal from damage would speed up my training exponentially, and I was curious about the Water and its power to 'unlock potential'.

Every little bit helped in my quest to become the strongest being alive, after all.

* * *

"Bulma, you're being a little overprotective. I'll be fine!"

"No!" she shouted, standing between me and the Archive. "I won't let you run off and get yourself killed."

"Darling, baby, light of my life, I'm both bulletproof and faster than a speeding bullet. I won't be in any danger. This is just an afternoon errand."

She grit her teeth. "Taking on the Red Ribbon Army is _not_ an errand, it's suicide!"

We'd been arguing for almost an hour now, going in circles. I'd try to convince her I'd be alright, she'd deny me vehemently. She had grown up hearing horror stories of the Red Ribbon Army, she wasn't able to get past that ingrained fear to realize that with my power, I could take them all on blindfolded and win.

"Bulma, listen to me. I'm not doing this to be a hero or to test my strength or anything like that. I'm doing this to protect you," I tried, going with a different tack.

"What reason would the RRA possibly have for coming after me?"

"I don't know, maybe those," I said, pointing at the safe in the wall where the Dragon Balls were stored.

She grit her teeth. "No one knows they're here."

"But someone could build their own Dragon Radar. The energy they give off is distinct, you know that. Once they wake up after the year-long break, any mid-range spectrometer will be able to pick them up. The Red Ribbon Army is all about power, getting it and abusing it. The odds of at least one of the higher-ups knowing the legend and coming after them at some point are really high." I frowned. "Besides, I'm not okay with waiting another day and letting who knows how many people suffer when I could do something about it."

"Goku…" Bulma said, looking torn.

"Please, Bulma." I looked her dead in the eye, hoping she'd see that there was no talking me out of this. I could have just taken the Archive and run, but I wouldn't betray her trust like that.

"... If you get so much as a scratch, you will be in _so_ much trouble," she finally relented, standing aside.

"Thank you. I promise to come back in the same 'physically flawless' condition as when I left," I said, trying to make a joke out of it.

She blushed. "Knew I shouldn't have let you read my diary."

I took out a map and a pen and typed a simple question into the Archive: "Where are the Red Ribbon Army's forces?" I was shown a map of a world, with a little red 'dot' for each soldier. I worked out all the major bases from the heaviest concentrations. A dozen clusters wiped out should be enough for the whole organization to crumble.

"I'll be back in time for dinner," I promised. And then I went through the eight different doors locking the Inner Sanctum of Capsule Corps from the rest of the world. How Dr. Briefs had gotten permission from the city to construct a bunker that could survive a nuclear warhead under his house was beyond me. I suspected either he hadn't told anyone or there had been a lot of bribery involved. Either way, the most bleeding-edge inventions and research, as well as valuables like the Archive and the Dragon Balls, were stored there.

Sure, I could break in if I really wanted to. But that would just be rude. Plus, going through all the different layers of security was kind of fun, like being in a spy movie.

I spent the rest of the day exercising my right as a walking weapon of mass destruction to wipe out a paramilitary operation. I'd fly to a base, knock out all the men and blow up all the weapons, then tie them all up with rope conjured with the Matter Creation technique and fire a ki blast into the air to draw the attention of local authorities. I went all over the globe, from snowy tundra to blistering desert, and even to a base hidden inside a mountain. I'm pretty sure that was Dr. Gero's lab, given all the robotics equipment and the bald guy with a bushy mustache who raved about the importance of his 'work' once he woke up and found himself tied up. In the end, I found and immobilized every major officer and about 80% of the cannon fodder, as well as blowing up every piece of hardware I could find.

The next day, King Furry made a global announcement. He disclosed that in a major sting operation, the world military had made a major assault on the Red Ribbon Army and detained the majority of their people. Bulma and I watched with amused grins as the animal-type Earthline waxed on about the courage and bravery of the men and women who had engaged in the operation, when we both know they'd just been the clean-up crew. Still, I wasn't surprised that someone else took credit for my work. I didn't really care. Like I'd told Bulma, it wasn't about grandstanding or making a name for myself. I just wanted the RRA gone. That should nip a few potential disasters in the bud.

The day wound up being declared a holiday, 'Scissors Day', in memory of when the Red Ribbon had been cut.

* * *

My life wasn't entirely consumed by training and Bulma. I kept faithful correspondence with Grandpa Gohan, the Ox-King and Chi-Chi, and the Turtle Hermit School. I was sure to only be platonic and proper when I wrote to the princess of the Ox Kingdom. I was with Bulma, after all. That path was, as far as I could tell, blocked off. Even if Bulma and I seperated for some reason, I'm not sure if I could just fall in love and marry Chi-Chi just because an alternate version of me had. I wanted her in my life, but just as a friend, maybe even just a penpal for a little while.

Still, the primary focus of my time was on building myself stronger, faster, better. As I expected, Bulma's natural genius and the power of the Archive had led to her cracking the Senzu bean genome. She isolated the enzyme that had such miraculous healing properties and found a way to synthesize it. Capsule Corps revolutionized the medical industry when it started to make Sage Pills, virtual panaceas that healed every trauma and a great many diseases. Bulma was heralded as a genius, getting a number of accolades and awards. I was every bit the congratulating boyfriend afterwards, getting her gifts and satisfying her every whim. And then I cranked my training up to '11', popping Sage Pills like candy as I set the gravity as high as I could stand it and had my Multiforms stop holding back. Didn't matter if I broke bones or even got blasted through the abdomen, so long as I could pop a little green pill before I passed out.

I _may_ have pushed the boundaries of reasonable safety a lot further than I should have. I was just thankful there weren't any cameras in the gravity chamber, or else Bulma would have my head. You couldn't deny that it was effective though. By the evening of April 15, 750, between natural gains and Zenkai boosts, my power level cracked into 60,000. I was now half the strength of Captain Ginyu, the strongest underling in Frieza's army. Not bad for a kid about to turn 14.

I showered and went down to dinner with the family. I'd really bonded with Panchy and Dr. Briefs in the seven months I'd been here, to say nothing of the bond between Bulma and me. I almost felt like part of the family.

We were eating, Bulma and I playing footsie under the table, when Panchy spoke up. "Oh, Goku dear, I almost forgot to ask you. When is your birthday? I was planning one for my kitten and it occured to me that we didn't know yours."

I stopped what I was doing, my fork held halfway to my mouth. I hesitantly set it down, anticipating an explosion. "Um, well… do you really need to know? Grandpa and I never really celebrated it. It's just another day to me."

Bulma frowned, leaning forward. "Goku, come on, when is it? We just want to know the day."

"Yeah, but then you'll want to throw a big party and invite lots of people, and I'm not really interested in that."

Dr. Briefs chuckled. "Please, Goku. Of course we'll respect your wishes if you don't want a big celebration. But please tell us so we can do _something_. It's not everyday our daughter's boyfriend turns 14."

Bulma and I both turned the shade of ripe tomatoes. "You know?!" she screeched as only a teenage girl could.

"Bulma, honey, your mother and I aren't blind. We see the way you two look at each other. The love is like a neon sign." He frowned behind his mustache. "And the fact that you sneak into each other's rooms every night. Can't say I'm too happy about that, but you're both responsible kids and I'm sure you're being safe and careful even when you're doing the things teenagers in relationships do."

"Oh, they are, dear. I refill Bulma's prescription myself. She's been right on top of it!" Panchy chimed in.

Please, kill me now. My potential in-laws were talking about my sex life. "It's tomorrow! Okay? My birthday is tomorrow!" I blurted out.

"TOMORROW?!" they exclaimed. All three of them.

I looked from the shocked eyes of Panchy and Briefs to the accusing look coming from Bulma. "Like I said, I don't really celebrate it. I was hoping it could just pass by unnoticed."

Without a word, Bulma got up and left. The door slammed behind her when she got up the stairs.

I winced. "Damn. That didn't go well."

"Well, you know what to do about it, don't you?" Briefs asked leadingly.

"Yes, you have to…" Panchy said, "Go to her," she finished just as Dr. Briefs said "Give her space."

I left the two of them to their bickering in the wake of that. I went to my room, and took a peek with my ki sense into Bulma's. She was sad but not crying, laid out on her bed. I sighed, and set about making my apology gift.

A half-hour later, I flew to her window and knocked. It took a couple minutes, but she got up and came over open the window.

"What?" she asked in a dull, 'I-do-not-care-at-all' tone.

I winced. It was worse than I thought. "I'm really sorry. I didn't think about how you would feel about me hiding it, I was just selfish and wanted to avoid a big fuss."

"Apology accepted. Anything else?" she asked, clearly still fuming.

I brought my hand from behind my back to offer my present. "Yes. Will you accept this, as a token of my love?"

She blinked and focused on what I was holding. "Is that what I think it is?"

I rubbed the back of my head. "Well, people say you should get a girl roses or diamonds. I decided to do both."

She took the crystal bloom from me, regarding it. A stem, two leaves, and a blossom with full petals, all clear as glass and sparkling in the light. "Where did you even get this? A stone big enough to cut this from would go for billions."

I shrugged. "I can make cloth out of ki, why not rocks? Very pretty rocks, but it's still just a rock. I only took so long because I had to practice getting the cut just right. There's a few dozen carats of diamonds just laying on the floor of my room right now."

She broke out into giggles. "Goku, you are too much."

"Too much like 'I forgive you for being stupid' too much?" I asked pleadingly.

She sighed. "I don't like it when you keep secrets from me."

I winced, but she didn't notice as she continued. "I already feel unbalanced in this relationship. You're just so powerful. I can't fight, I can't fly, I can't do ki magic. If you wanted to leave, there's nothing I could do to stop you. So when I find out you're hiding things from me, it makes me worried you don't trust me, that I'm not really important to you, that I can't _hold_ you to me."

I sighed and floated into her room. She stepped aside to let me. "Bulma… I could never leave you. You think I have all the power here, but you have a hold on me like you wouldn't believe."

"Really? How?" she asked.

"Your smile. Your laugh. Your brilliant mind. The way you play with your hair when you're thinking. The way you say my name when we're alone together." I smiled and leaned in to kiss her cheek. She allowed it, and that right there was all I needed to know the worst was behind us. "Neither of us are perfect, Bulma. But we're perfect for each other. I'm the brawn and you're the brains. I'm the yang and you're the yin. I love you, and I'll never stop loving you." I'd said it before, and meant it, but this was the first time I really put myself out there, got really vulnerable, and let her see all the emotion behind those three little words.

She smiled, even with tears in her eyes. "I love you too, Goku. Even when you're a real idiot."

"Huge idiot," I agreed. "I promise not to keep something like this from you again." I took a deep breath and sighed. "And that's why I need to tell you something."

We sat down on her bed, and I explained the truth. How I'd died, and then been selected for something called Replacement Reincarnation. How I'd seen the life of the original Goku in my mind like a year-long movie, and then woken up at the start with those memories intact. How I'd slipped into the shoes of Goku, taking over his life, even though I wasn't _really_ him. I talked and talked, until there was nothing left to say.

Bulma sat there, processing everything. Then she nodded. "Okay."

I blinked. "Okay? That's all you're going to say?"

"I asked the Archive who my perfect match was. The answer wasn't 'Son Goku' right away, it was Soul 4829A1826M0683Q0175G. _You_. Whoever you were, whoever originally inhabited the body I'm talking to, the answer was you. So yeah, I'm saying 'Okay'. Because it doesn't matter how you got here, just that you're here now, with me."

"Bulma… you're amazing."

She smirked wryly. "Well, I've been diving into the collective knowledge of the cosmos every day for months. I was bound to mature at least a little, get some perspective. I actually tried to look up 'Love' in the Archive once. There was a lot of philosophy and a bunch of data on oxytocin and hormone balance, but no real answer. So if even a magical computer from a dragon can't define it, maybe I should just trust these feelings I have for you even if I can't explain them."

I hugged and kissed her, because what else could I do? "Bulma, can we just… hold each other tonight? I'm exhausted."

"That sounds real nice," she said.

And so we cuddled, our nightly sex spree given a break, as we focused on and savored the connection behind it.

* * *

Other than a cupcake and one hell of a wake-up blowjob (Bulma hummed 'Happy Birthday' the whole time), my birthday passed without incident. My new family accepted and respected my wishes, once they got over the shock of me hiding it from them. I got some training in, and when the lights went off I made up for the night we lost by giving Bulma all I could without breaking her.

A month went by in a flash, with me training my ass off day in and day out, with the breaks of time with Bulma and my letter writing to stop me from killing myself or going insane. I managed to reach all the way to 100x Earth's gravity in the chamber, maxing out the machine. I could barely walk at that level, but I could still move so I considered it training. Before I knew it, it was May 6 and Bulma was flying us flying us in a private jet to Papaya Island. She didn't want me wasting any energy before my 'big day'. We both knew that was crazy, that the contest was all but won, but I allowed the luxury. It was nice to be able to lay back and eat while being ferried from place to place.

We went from the airfield to the arena where the World Martial Arts Tournament took place. I immediately noticed a key difference from my memories of the future past.

"Bulma… why did you buy the arena?"

The Capsule Corps logo was everywhere.

"Goku. Goku, my love. I didn't buy the arena." She grinned like a sated shark. "I bought the organization."

"Okay. Why did you buy the whole tournament, then?"

"Because I want to write a book."

I blinked and scratched my head, trying to reason that out. "Walk me through it, baby, walk me through it."

"Look, ki is amazing. It can turn an ordinary human into a comic book hero, and I've looked into the Archive at just how many miraculous things can be done when it's properly used. I want to write a book about it, to get the secrets of unlocking it out in the open where anyone can find them. But to do that, I'll need data to back me up so it's not just crazy rambling pseudo-science. And I can't use the information from the Archive, because it's not peer-reviewed and it's top-secret anyway. So, I need empirical data on ki usage to substantiate my claims. Ergo, I need to record it being used. Thus, I bought the WMAT. That arena is going to have every instrument in the book and a few I invented just for the occasion aimed at it. Combined with film footage, I'll be able to prove that ki exists and can be used to do extraordinary things."

I connected the dots while she was talking. "And by putting the Capsule Corps logo on the event, you vastly increased the scope of advertising, increasing the odds that martial artists and other ki-sensitive people would show up. And you'll be able to do the same thing with every Tournament going forward, guaranteeing a steady stream of data. I won't even mention all the profits to be made from tickets and broadcasting."

"You know me so well," she purred. "Make sure you put on a show for the cameras. For all we know, you'll be the only one here that can use it."

"Trust me, I won't be," I said. "The Turtle Hermit School are here. Roshi must at least have taught them the Kamehameha Wave like Grandpa taught me." I blinked and turned. "Speak of the devil…"

"Goku!" Grandpa Gohan called, walking over to me through the crowd. Behind him lumbered the Ox-King with Chi-Chi perched on his broad shoulder. "It's so good to see you!"

I embraced the man who'd raised me, taking comfort in his familiar scent. "It's great to see you to! I didn't know you were coming."

"Well, I figured I could take a break from my hermitage to cheer you on. And wouldn't you know it, I ran into an old friend. I believe you've met the Ox-King," Gohan said, waving at the giant of a man behind him.

"Yep. The castle doing okay, I didn't miss any fires did it?"

"Not at all, young hero! We're still cleaning out all the soot, but the castle is as grand as when we left it! We still cannot thank you enough for what you did!" The Ox-King only had two volumes: loud and louder.

"Hi, Goku!" chirped Chi-Chi, blushing and hiding a bit behind her father's head.

I smiled up at her, unaware of Bulma looking between us. "Hi Chi-Chi. You going to compete?"

"No, just going to watch with Daddy and Uncle Gohan," she said, almost stuttering in her nervousness. I tried not to wince. Guess I hadn't managed to avoid her crushing on me. Then again, I _had_ given her back her childhood home by making a tornado out of thin air. That was a pretty heroic thing for a 12-year-old to witness and be impressed by.

"Well, see you tomorrow. We'll just pop off to the hotel. We'll be cheering you on!" Grandpa said.

"Bye, you guys! Thanks for coming!" I said as the three walked off.

"So… in another life, that little girl would have been the mother of your children," Bulma stated neutrally.

I winced. "Yeah. The real Goku promised to marry her, having no idea what marriage was. When she confronted him on it years later, he caved and agreed. He wasn't a good husband or father, truth be told. He was pretty much an absentee bum, just another kid for her to look after."

"Well, that won't be happening this time around," Bulma stated decisively. "Far, _far_ down the line when we start having kids, I'm sure you'll be a wonderful father."

I blushed so red my cheeks burned. "B-bulma!"

"What? It's true."

"Well, I'm sure you'll be an amazing mother!"

"Naturally."

There was no winning with her… and I kinda liked that. Guess we were perfect for each other.

I walked up to the registration table. The staff gave me a little trouble because of my age, but then Bulma stepped forward with her 'I sign your paycheck' face and got things sorted out. I was put down on the rolls and ready to fight tomorrow.

"Ah, Goku! There you are. I thought we'd be seeing you here," said Roshi, coming up behind me. Both he and his two students were dressed in snazzy suits, while I was in my usual training uniform of a gi, weighted undershirt, pants, armbands, and boots. Per Bulma's advice, I'd gone with shades more complimenting to my skin tone, so my top was blue and my bottoms were cream.

"Nice to see you, Master Roshi. Grandpa Gohan and the Ox-King are here too, if you want to go meet them."

"Oh, really? I just might do that, have a little reunion with the old pupils. But right now, I got to get my current two into this here tournament."

Yamcha struck a most muscular pose. "I've gotten way stronger since the last time, kid. You won't be one-shotting me this time."

"Well, you do seem confident, and confidence is key," I said, trying not to tease but unable to help myself. I was close to cracking 100k in Power Level and he was barely over 100, from what I could sense. He couldn't hurt me if he tried. Sure, he was strong as ten men, and would probably get to the quarterfinals, but against me he had no hope.

A kid just as short as me looked me up and down. He was bald beneath his fedora, and had six incense burns on his forehead. "So, you're the Goku I've heard so much about."

"And you must be Krillin." We shook hands, he trying to squeeze my grip. I didn't even tense, and he's the one who came away wincing. My muscles and tendons were like steel cables. "Good luck tomorrow. I hope to see you in the top 8."

"Yeah, I'll definitely be there," he said, though he lacked confidence. He hadn't seen the effects of Roshi's training yet.

"Well, I won't keep you any longer. Go register." I grabbed Bulma's hand and walked away.

"Wait a minute, that pretty girl is with him?" I heard Krillin gape behind us.

Roshi wasn't able to answer, preoccupied as he was with a nosebleed. I didn't even want to know what filth was going through his head.

The next day, I reported bright and early to the arena. As expected, we went through preliminaries to narrow us down to the top two of four brackets. The scientific equipment was hidden subtly around the room where it wouldn't get in the way, but it was there. As promised, I used mostly ki techniques to deal with my opponents. I used very low-powered rays and balls to knock people out of the ring, when I didn't just use a kiai to blow them away. I drew a lot of attention from the other contestants and staff, but I wasn't breaking any rules so no one said anything.

When I finished off the last guy in my half of the bracket, I surveyed the room. My focus was drawn to one person in particular, the highest Power Level there after me and Roshi (who looked ridiculous in his Jackie Chun get-up, but that was neither here nor there). I'd expected a bit of a butterfly effect from taking out the Red Ribbon Army, and been willing to accept the risks. Still, I hadn't anticipated the presence of Mercenary Tao at the Tournament.

In the end, the quarter-finalists were decided and we drew lots to decide the opening line-up. It was Krillin vs Nam, 'Jackie Chun' versus Yamcha, Ranfan vs Tao, and me vs Giran. We all stepped out into the main arena outside, where the Announcer was waiting for us to sell us to the crowd.

"Ladies, gentlemen, children of all ages! Welcome to the 21st World Martial Arts Tournament! Brought to you by Capsule Corps. Today, the strongest warriors and fighters from around the world will clash to decide who will be number 1! The winner will go down in our hall of fame as champion and receive 500,000 Zeni in prize money. Let's take a look at our combatants this year. Formerly of the Orin Temple, don't let his size fool you, give it up for Krillin!" His bald head looked sunburned, his blush was so broad. "From a far off desert village, our dark horse of the day, Nam!" The turbaned teen nodded politely but retained his deathly serious expression. "A surprise entrant who proves that age is just a number, the amazing Jackie Chun!" Roshi's eyes were locked on the professional cheerleaders Bulma had for some reason hired. "The bandit of Diablo, a fighter more wolf than man, here's Yamcha!" Puar shapeshifted into a banner in the crowd and waved to his long-haired friend. "As beautiful as she is deadly, this rose has thorns, it's Ranfan!" The seductress blew a kiss to the crowd. "The most notorious assassin in the world, if you don't pay the price then prepare to get iced, Mercenary Tao!" Awkward applause, which the man paid no attention to. "Raised in the shadow of Mt. Paozu, master of mysterious and unusual tricks of combat, make some noise for Son Goku!" I waved to the crowd, blowing a kiss in Bulma's direction, which she mimed catching. We really were a sappy couple. "And finally, the giras here to cheer us, it's Giran!" The dragon-like fighter flexed his biceps and breathed fire, which I'm sure would be intimidating if I didn't know for a fact he was a two-digit Power Level. "Which one will be our champion? Let's find out, folks! Would Krillin and Nam please take positions while the other fighters go backstage?"

The six of us left, waiting for our turns to fight.

"So, which one do you think will win?" 'Jackie' asked me.

I shrugged. "Krillin is stronger, but lacks confidence. And Nam has a strong resolve. It's a coin toss depending on if Krillin goes all out before Nam strikes a decisive blow." I eyed him out of the corner of my eye. "Isn't that wig itchy?"

"Like you wouldn't believe. I almost decided to pull out when I saw you were entering. No need for me to humble my students by showing there's always a stronger fighter out there if you were here. But now I'm glad I did. If the drawing went differently, it might be Tao going up against them, and that man would break them even with the ban on killing."

"The medics on standby have Sage Pills. No permanent injury here today… unless, for some reason, they decide not to administer them."

Roshi frowned. "What are you planning?"

"I'm not planning anything, except to give my opponents the match they deserve."

Roshi eyed Tao and sighed. "I see. Well, you reap what you sow."

We stopped talking as the fight started. Krillin pulled off a few sloppy dodges and attacks, but Nam came at him with relentless force. Before a minute had passed by, the monk tripped and fell out of the arena; he hadn't been keeping track of his surroundings, a rookie mistake. Nam was declared the winner, and then 'Jackie Chun' and Yamcha took their places. Yamcha put up a decent fight, even landing a few good hits with his improved Wolf Fang Fist, but his master in disguise had him rush off the edge of the stage with a well-timed Afterimage technique. Ranfan and Tao's match was… messy. Turns out her tactics didn't work on a sociopath. He ended the match by giving a brutal kick to her hip which I'm pretty sure shattered her pelvis. He won by knockout, and Ranfan was carried away on a stretcher. My and Giran's match went as expected. I opened the match with a baby Kamehameha and blew him into the wall separating the arena from the crowd.

"Well, there go the quarter-finals, everyone! Time for the semi-finals, where we separate the men from the boys. First match, Nam vs Jackie Chun!"

Roshi and Nam gave a very good showing, but the centuries of experience paid through. Nam was beaten after his Cross Arm Dive failed to connect. Roshi caught up with Nam after the fight, revealing that water in the city was free and offering a large storage capsule. I grinned at the nice gesture, wishing the young man well in life, before focusing on my own opponent, the infamous Mercenary Tao.

"I'll offer you this one chance to surrender. Nothing will stand between me and that prize money." The brother of Shen had a nasty little grin on his face.

I sighed and got into position, my index and middle finger held against my forehead. "I'm going to give you a taste of your own medicine."

"Begin!"

With a pop of displaced air, I appeared behind Mercenary Tao. Moving surely and without hesitation, I gave him a chop to his neck around the height of his shoulder.

SNAP!

Tao collapsed to the ground. "I… I can't feel anything! I CAN'T FEEL ANYTHING!" he shouted.

I looked away from the man I'd rendered a quadriplegic. "You deserve death, but this should be even worse for you. You'll be totally helpless from now on, just like you made so many of your victims feel. Enjoy life in prison."

The countdown finished, and I was declared the victor. The medics came to wheel Mercenary Tao off, conspicuously not using their provided Sage Pill or any other treatment other than careful handling.

"He's going to the prison ward, just so you know. Now that he can't walk, the courts are suddenly all ready to persecute," Bulma told me. As the owner, she of course had backstage access.

"Glad to hear it." And I was. One less villain in the world.

Jackie Chun and I met on the arena floor, the sun setting in the distance.

"Should I even try?" he asked me beneath his breath.

I grinned and flared my aura to around 9,000 PL, or roughly 30x the Demon King Piccolo.

"I forfeit!" he called out, raising both hands like he was under arrest.

I was declared the winner, and spent all my winnings on a feast for me, Bulma, and the Turtle Hermit School and guests.

With the Red Ribbon Army out of the way, I had three years of training and three wishes to look forward to. The world wouldn't know what hit it.

* * *

 **That should do for now. I'll work on chapter 3 over the weekend.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Finished this early, no reason to wait. Enjoy!**

* * *

I flew to Grandpa Gohan's hut on September 2nd.

"Goku! Hello, my boy. What brings you back here?" Grandpa asked, coming out to greet me.

I smiled, scratching the back of my head. "I'm actually here for the Power Pole."

Gohan blinked. "Really? You always seemed to prefer using your fists than weapons."

"Oh, I still do, for the most part. It's because I want to climb to the place _above_ Korin Tower, if you know what I mean."

"Ah. Well, I can think of no one more worthy to see Kami's Lookout. Hoping to get some training?"

I chuckled. "More to ask him for a favor."

"Well, it's your business. Here you go."

I took the red staff, tucking it into the duffle bag I carried that already contained some precious cargo. "Thanks, Grandpa. See you later!" With that, I flew off to Korin Tower. After greeting Bora and Upa, I turned to regard the giant column.

"Well, let's make it a challenge this time," I muttered to myself. I reached to the white belt I wore, tapping the keys in the miniaturized machine. With a hum and a bit of exhaust heat around my waist, the Capsule Corps Gravity Belt Mk 1.7 turned on. After upgrading the original Chamber to go up all the way to 500x Earth's gravity, Bulma had a billion Zeni idea. Gravity Belts became _the_ new fitness craze almost overnight. Just walking around town or doing chores around the house could turn into a workout. Gravity Gyms with reinforced equipment would soon be available for the real serious athletes of the world. Most people considered 2x to be the maximum and there were safeties built into the standard models to prevent from going over 5x. I, on the other hand, got my own unique version special. It could go up to 25x Earth's gravity, was portable, easily charged, and didn't even clash with my normal outfit.

Of course, 25x Earth was barely felt by me anymore, since I'd adapted to 100x to the point I could do handstand push-ups and fingertip pull-ups. But that was when a handy technique I'd fished out of the Archive came in to play. "Mass Magnifier," I said, focusing my ki in a specific way. With an invisible shift, my personal gravity shifted to 5x that of what should be normal. Combined with the belt, I was now operating under 125 G's, which combined with my weighted clothing made it so I was reduced to a functional strength I had surpassed when I was around 5.

Shaking out my arms and neck, I eyed the climb ahead of me. "Let's get to it."

I tackled Korin Tower with all the savage ferocity and bullheaded stubbornness Saiyans were known for. I climbed and climbed and climbed, sweating buckets as I pushed my body to fight the pull of the planet I'd artificially enhanced. More than once I was tempted to stop to catch my breath or turn Oozaru and make it easier. But that would be quitting or cheating. Quitters never win, and winners never quit; cheaters never prosper. Bumper sticker sayings, but they were true. I was doing this to challenge myself, and by all the Kai I would win or die trying.

The air getting thinner sure didn't help. But I kept at it, ascending mile after mile straight up. My muscles burned and cried, but they didn't tear, continuing to flex and extend at my insistent command. My mind remained focused, keeping the technique active despite all the distractions and outside pressures. This was a trial of the body AND the mind. After hours, though it felt like days, I finally made it to the top of the tower.

I flopped onto the floor on my back, sucking in oxygen like it was… well, oxygen. I let up the Mass Magnifier, which immediately provided relief. I hit the off key on my belt, and suddenly I felt light as a feather. With shaky hands, I reached to the container around my neck. With the press of a button, a Sage Pill popped into my hand. I brought to my mouth and swallowed. Seconds later, I felt a rush of vitality and wellness surge through my body, vanishing every ache and pain. It was like I'd just woken up from the world's best nap after eating a ten-course meal.

I popped to my feet and closed my eyes to meditate for a second.

"Huh. A 12% increase. I might have to make this a daily thing… well, weekly. I'm not _that_ much of a masochist." But seriously, this climb would definitely become a regular occurence. I'd have to bug Bulma about upgrading the belt, which I'm sure was low on her priority list of inventions and tasks, and work on improving the Mass Magnifier technique. Still, you couldn't ignore the gains to be made. I'd just gone from 115k PL to almost 129k. I wasn't the best at math, but if the increase remained consistent, I'm pretty sure I'd crack a million in a little over a year. And that was ignoring my regular improvements from my voluntary self-torture sessions in the Gravity Chamber back home.

I'd gotten around to looking up 'Saiyans' in the Archive. Along with some truly fascinating information about the history of my species and the exact details of my physiology, there had been clear-cut, defined explanations for my various transformations. The Oozaru form was due to an enzyme secreted by a gland at the base of my tail that, for whatever reason, was released when Blutz waves hit my optic nerve. That's why losing a tail prevented the transformation from taking place. The Super Saiyan God thing was actually pretty basic. Either through the ritual or, as Vegeta had done, meditation and a familiarity with God ki, I could trade out my mortal ki for the divine counterpart. The efficiency of the conversion was dependent on a lot of factors, but I got the gist: if I ever truly mastered the God form at 100%, I'd cease to be mortal. A true apotheosis.

But it was the section on the Super Saiyan transformation that was the real gold mine. Turns out, positivity and negativity are actual, tangible, measurable qualities in a person's ki. When a Saiyan had a mostly positive aura and reached a minimum power requirement of 20 killi (or 1M PL), a new kind of cell was produced in their central nervous system. Termed S-cells by the Archive, their only function seemed to be to supercharge ki production and send the body into a hyper-excited physical state. There were two ways to activate them: a rush of negativity which stressed the S-cells ('a pure heart ignited by rage' as the original Goku would put it), or to channel ki directly to the S-cells. This was what the Universe 6 Saiyans meant when they talked about a 'tingling' in the spine. The number of S-cells determined how far the transformation went, with Super Saiyan 2 and 3 merely a question of activating dormant cells once you produced enough of them after the initial transformation. Perhaps the most interesting aspect of S-cells is that they were hard-coded into the Saiyan's genome. This meant that they could be directly inherited by any offspring. That's how Goten and Trunks were able to access the transformation so easily: they already had the S-cells necessary when they were born. It had just been a question of getting enough power to awaken them.

Speaking of the next generation, I did wonder sometimes if they would ever come to be. I was with Bulma, not Chi-Chi, so Gohan and Goten were unlikely to ever be conceived, and Vegeta wasn't likely to steal my girl away from me. Even if Bulma and I ended up with those two, though, there was no guarantee of the exact same sperm meeting the exact same egg and developing the exact same way. There was every chance that the kids I'd seen in my visions before awakening in this body would never come to be. I got a little maudlin at the thought, but reminded myself that nothing was certain. I could die in my sleep from a disease or be hit in the head with a meteor tomorrow. Best not to worry about the future, beyond preparing for the worst and hoping for the best. If and when I had children, I'd love each and every one with all my heart and raise them to be good, strong, upstanding people.

I shook my head. No time for wandering thoughts. I had a job to do.

"Hi, Korin. Bye, Korin," I said to the startled immortal cat as I raced through the tower. I made it to the top, and placed the Power Pole in the slot.

"Power Pole extend!" I ordered in a clear voice. With a glow, the magical stick began to lengthen. I rode it straight up through the clouds, going from halfway to outer space to just this side of it. When I was at the very edge of the atmosphere, a floating building came into sight. The end of the Power Pole I was gripping slid into a corresponding slot on the bottom of it, finally stopping in its growth. I shimmied my way up the side of Kami's Lookout to the top, and turned to look behind me.

"Whoo! That is one hell of a view. You can see the curve of the planet from up here!" I marveled.

"What can Mr. Popo do to help you?" asked a voice behind me. I turned to see a squat, black man with wide eyes looking at me, dressed up like a genie out of Arabian Nights.

"Hello. I'm Son Goku. May I please speak to Kami? I need to ask him to do something about the Dragon Balls," I stated, patting the duffel bag I was still carrying.

"To meet Kami, Mr. Son Goku must catch Mr. Popo."

Outracing my own sonic boom, I held his hand a few hundredths of a second later. "Caught you!"

Mr. Popo blinked. "You are very fast."

"Thank you."

"Mr. Popo will ask Kami if he will see you."

The small djinn walked into the grand temple near the back of the platform. When he reemerged, he was trailed by an elderly Namekian wearing a blue cape and a white robe with the symbol for 'God' on the front in red.

"Greetings, Son Goku. I've been keeping an eye on you. Tell me, what brings you to my Lookout this day?" he asked.

I bowed, as was proper. This guy was the Guardian of Earth after all. "Greetings, Kami. I come with a gift, and a request."

"What gift is this?" Kami asked, peering at me from his wrinkled green face.

I fished into the duffel bag, and pulled out what appeared to be an ordinary electric rice cooker.

Kami's eyes widened. "King Piccolo's prison!"

"Yeah, I fished it out of the ocean. I figured it would be safer all the way up here with you to guard it. And when I finally take the time to learn some kind of Evil Purifying technique from the Archive, you can merge with him and I can use it on your combined form. That way you'll be way stronger and still pure of heart."

Kami leaned heavily on his walking stick. "I would rather never risk such a thing, but I can see the logic behind your reasoning. If ever there comes a time when I am absolutely sure of your success, I will allow it. Now, what is it you ask in return for returning to me my darker half?"

I pulled a sheaf of papers out of the bag, leaving only the seven Dragon Balls left inside. "Here's all the information the Archive had on Dragon Balls, the Dragon Statue, and how the original Namekians made them. I want you to try and upgrade Shenron so that he can grant three wishes instead of just one."

Kami narrowed his eyes at me. "Is one a year not enough for you? You already plan to hoard them. Now you desire to have even more power with each summoning?"

I frowned back at him. "You know that I'm not going to be selfish. These wishes are going to help the world."

"... Forgive me. I've grown a little jaded, seeing the pettiness of man over and over again. I didn't stop to think who I was talking to." Kami took the papers from me. "I'll do my best to grant your request. Wait here while I read these texts and see what I can apply."

I spent the intervening time meditating, growing more and more comfortable with my ki and how it flowed through me and everything around me. I was broken from my quiet reflection when I felt a pulse of energy from the Dragon Balls. I took them out, marveling at them. They'd each gone from the size of a grapefruit to the size of bowling balls, almost tearing the duffel at the seams. They were each a good 50 pounds by my estimation, which was as good as an ounce as far as I was concerned. I laid the seven of them out and waited for Kami to return.

"It is done, as I'm sure you can already tell. As a precaution, I have made an addition to the activation spell." The tall green slug-like humanoid explained.

"They already spend most of their time in the most secure safe on Earth, but you can never be too careful. What's the extra part?"

Kami carefully sounded out a string of what to me were nonsense syllables, but I could tell were actually his native tongue of Namekian. "It means 'I am a friend'. I hope this is not too much trouble."

"No, it was a good idea." I took a deep breath. "Well, here goes nothing." Feeling grandiose, I raised my hands over my head. "****. Arise Shenron, and grant me a wish!"

The Balls grew to a painfully bright luminescence, and as it had a year ago, the form of Shenron emerged from the light and twisted to face me.

" **You who have summoned me, I will grant you three wishes**." It eyed me with its burning red eyes, waiting for my requests with an endless patience.

I let out a breath. Bulma and I had thought long and hard about what to wish for. We'd come up with a ranked list, just in case Kami wouldn't be able to increase the wish count. I mentally prepared myself to change the world and spoke.

"I wish that the Earth was protected from any and all extinction-level events."

Shenron's eyes glowed. " **Your wish is granted**."

There, now a gamma ray or asteroid or rogue ki ball wouldn't wipe out all life on the planet. "I wish that the ki signatures from this solar system were hidden from the rest of the Universe." That way, my transformations wouldn't attract the eye of the PTO or Beerus ahead of schedule.

" **Your wish is granted**."

I licked my lips and went for the big one. "I wish that every person on Earth will have their basic needs for food and water met from now on!"

Shenron nodded. " **Your wish is granted**." The dragon dissolved into light while the Dragon Balls rose into the air. I braced myself and caught all seven of them almost before they launched away. It pays to be the fastest person on the planet.

I turned to Kami. "There. A shield, an invisibility cloak, and a breadbasket for the planet. Trust me now?"

The fellow alien smiled at me. "Indeed, I do."

* * *

The next year dissolved into a blur of hard training, with brief, commercial breaks of time with Bulma or my other friends. True to my vow, I climbed Korin Tower once a week, coming up with new and exciting ways to make it challenging. I raced Multiforms, or had them throw attacks at me that I had to dodge, or tied rocks with their own gravity belts to my back and legs to make the weight even worse. And the rest of the time, I was in the Gravity Chamber. I sparred Multiforms as well as robotic drones Bulma had invented for me. I had to restrain myself a great deal in order not to break them, but fighting them at their level allowed me to practice my technique and hone my abilities as a fighter. It wasn't enough to just be stronger and faster, I had to be better trained, have more body wisdom. Bulma managed to upload the drones with every martial art in the Archive, so I got to fight a great mixture of styles and tactics. When I wasn't doing that, it was simple, brutal workouts at maximum tolerable gravity. I'd push myself until I could barely move or even breathe. And then it was time for a Sage Pill, and I picked up right back where I started.

Bulma got so worried for my health, she set time limits into the Chamber, so I could only be in it a maximum of 12 hours a day. It was just as well. I needed to rest, give my body time to catch up with its own progress, as well as work on my meditation and maintain my relationships. I still kept up 'date night' with Bulma, I enjoyed family dinners with Panchy and Briefs, and I paid visits to the Turtle Hermit gang and the Ox-Kingdom.

Speaking of, Krillin and Yamcha were still hard at work beneath Master Roshi's tutelage. With the help of Gravity Belts, the two managed to outpace Master Roshi's Power Level by a wide margin. The old master was incensed that his students actually managed to surpass him, and took up training himself anew. Within a few months, he was back to a base form of his buff, full-power self. I had fun hanging out with the three and giving them sparring practice. Krillin and I would never share the bond of spending months together like he and the original Goku had, but I considered us friends. Yamcha, in a bizarre twist, ended up dating Launch. She had desensitized him to his fear of women, and he somehow found both sides of her personality charming in their own ways. The two were very happy, from what I could tell.

When I brought up Launch's condition with Bulma, she insisted on flying out and running some tests. She hadn't yet graduated high school, but she had all the practical knowledge and experience of a surgeon with multiple doctorates. Bulma wound up isolating the cause of Launch's split personality. Turns out she had a faulty corpus callosum, and a surge from her olfactory bulb was enough to switch which hemisphere was in control. Bulma came up with a 'cure' within a week, and a newly green-haired Launch thanked her for giving her stability for the first time in her life. She easily settled into the 'mom' role of the Turtle Hermit school, managing to be scary in a nice way, if that made sense.

I wrote to Chi-Chi, even showing up to visit once a month. We found a way of bonding by having me teach her martial arts. Her father was busy with running the kingdom now that the his seat of office wasn't on fire, so he didn't have time to teach her any more. I gently had her go through some kata, and complimented her when she managed to land a hit on me with a PL of 10. I was her friend, but it was obvious that she wanted more. For the most part, I pretended to be dense to her advances, and frequently brought up how I had a loving relationship with Bulma. Still, I knew that a confrontation was inevitable, but I was happy putting it off for as long as possible.

As for my girl, she was on the way to becoming one of the most celebrated scientists in the world. With the raw data she got from the 21st WMAT, she pioneered the field of dunamology, or the study of miraculous power. She proved that ki was a fifth fundamental force, comprised of massless particles she termed 'bulmachyons'. She took academia by storm, coming out with papers and theories that revolutionized the modern understanding of physics and biology. Combined with the 'advances' in mathematics, engineering, and computing taken from the Archive that Dr. Briefs happily let her take credit for, Bulma was set to go down in history.

For my 15th birthday, I took the day off to spend it all with Bulma. We went to an amusement park, caught a movie, and generally were teenagers in love. I kept the public displays to a minimum, but I didn't let anyone think I was her kid brother either. Damn my lack of height. Why did I have to be such a late bloomer with my growth spurt? Was it a Saiyan thing or a Goku thing? Bulma, for the most part, didn't seem to notice the people who starred and pointed. We even managed to get paparazzi, the Capsule Corps heiress out with the most recent World Martial Arts Tournament champion apparently deemed newsworthy.

When we got back to the Briefs Mansion, I sensed a number of familiar ki signatures inside.

"You didn't," I said with a resigned smile.

"I did, and you're going to like it," she countered without missing a beat.

I walked into the dark interior, and pretended to be surprised when the lights turned on and everyone jumped out. Everyone was here: Grandpa Gohan, the Ox-King and Chi-Chi, Roshi, Yamcha and Puar and Launch, Krillin, even Nam and Oolong.

"Why'd you invite the pig?" I asked an hour later, when he was shapeshifted into Bulma in a bunny costume and putting on a 'show' for the single men.

"He was part of our adventure a couple years ago, I figured there was no harm in tracking him down. Totally regretting it now, though. Seems he and Roshi are hitting it off, though," my girlfriend said, watching with a twitching brow as her doppelganger did the can-can in fishnet stockings.

"Okay, knock it off," I said, walking over and bopping the transformed pig on the head.

"Spoilsport," Roshi grouched.

"I've lost a great deal of respect for you, Master Roshi," Grandpa Gohan spoke up, his hand still over his eyes to block out the sight.

"How did I end up training such a prude?"

I left the old men to their bickering. Panchy gave me a hug and wished me good night, leading a texting Briefs out of the room. The Ox-King had taken Chi-Chi with him as soon as the show had started, and Launch had knocked Yamcha out when she caught him watching. Nam had passed out from a nosebleed, the poor sheltered thing. It was really just Krillin left, except he was pretending to be asleep after he saw what I did to Oolong. Puar was happily using his head as a perch.

I looked over to Bulma, only to find she had moved to the staircase. She gave me a wink and walked away.

I grinned and followed a minute behind her. Yay, birthday sex.

I made it to our shared bedroom; once her parents confronted us on it last year, we stopped hiding it and I moved into her room. It was the second-biggest in the house after all. Since most of my clothes were conjured, I took up very little space, and I learned how not to leave too much of a male presence in her sanctuary. I walked in, to find her already under the covers.

"So, does the birthday boy have anything special in mind?" she asked leadingly.

I paused. "Anything?"

"I promise to at least think about it."

I silently used Multiform, creating two copies so there were three of me.

Her smile widened. "Oh, my. Here I was thinking I'd have to wait until MY birthday to get a Goku gangbang."

"Great minds" "Think" "Alike" we said, as we shed our clothes and crawled onto the bed with her.

My cock almost exploded when I reintegrated with them, sense memories of hours of pleasure and pounding hitting me as I reached my own peak for the dozenth time. Sensing she was at her limit, I called it a night.

As we snuggled in the aftermath, Bulma ran her hands over his distended tummy. I'd pumped so much cum in her she'd swelled up a little. "Goku… when do you want to start having kids?"

I was too blissed out to panic at the question. Besides, she didn't ask it leadingly, like it was a trap, more genuine curiosity. "After we're married," I said simply.

"Okay. When are we going to get married?"

"I figured we could wait until I was 18, so there wouldn't be any outcry about legality and such. I mean, I'm not sure I even have a birth certificate, but people should be less likely to say mean things about you if I'm a big boy when we tie the knot."

She sighed. "Fair enough."

I pressed a kiss to the back of her neck. "I promise to make it a surprise, and romantic, and worth the wait."

She wiggled back so she was pressed even closer to me. "I know you will."

With that last thought, I fell asleep, unaware that Bulma was tinkering with an idea.

The next day, I made my goodbyes to my birthday guests. I learned a few interesting things. Krillin had decided he'd learned all he could from Master Roshi, and was going to go on walkabout to seek out new adventures and hone his skills. Yamcha would stick around, mostly because Launch had gotten comfy at the South Sea beach, even with Roshi as a roommate. Grandpa Gohan, having really reconnected with his old buddy, was moving away from Mt. Paozu to the Ox Kingdom. He offered me the hut to do with as I would. I made hazy plans to build my own lodge for when Bulma and I wanted a quiet getaway. Nam returned to his village, with enough water to make an artificial lake. Bulma had personalized his goody bag, aware of his village's struggles.

Them all seen off and breakfast in my belly, that left me nothing to do but train, and train, and train some more. The days blurred together as I pushed myself. The Earth itself might be protected, but someone could still show up and decide to exterminate all life the old-fashioned way. I had no idea how far the ripples of my decisions went. For all I knew, I had inadvertently brought the Saiyan invasion ten years forward, or hastened the revival of Majin Buu. Beings with the power to wipe out the whole universe existed, this I knew for a fact. If I wanted to protect my family, my planet, my Bulma from those threats, I needed to be ready. I had no illusions, I was still years, maybe even decades away from hitting my peak. But I'd climb that mountain as fast as I could.

I started to notice something in July: my gains were diminishing. I'd push myself just as hard as I always had, but I got less and less progress for all the work I put in. Given that I was at 1.5M PL, I took it at a sign that I was reaching the most I could get with just my base form. And so, I flew out to the Diablo Desert, which was utterly deserted except for a few random bandits no one would miss if I got out of control.

I meditated under the glare of the burning sun. I strove for and attained a state of utter and complete peace. Then, when I was as relaxed and free of tension as I could manage, I took my ki and began to channel it into my spine. I felt a strange tingle in the region between my shoulder blades, so I focused the energy there. It got more and more intense until I isolated the exact spot the feeling was coming from. With a breath to prepare myself, I shoved the entirety of my body's power into that one spot, the cluster of S-cells I had managed to produce.

It was like lighting a match soaked with gasoline. Or maybe a firework soaked in nitroglycerin.

I'd never done cocaine or crystal meth, but I imagine what I was experiencing was similar to those highs. Every cell in my body had come ALIVE, filling me with a feeling of unlimited energy and confidence. I could see and hear for miles, I could feel every brush of the wind on my skin, the sound of my own heartbeat was a drum in my ears. I knew, with absolute certainty, that I could turn the desert around me to glass without even trying. I was a god, a titan, an unstoppable force! Nothing could possibly match this level of power! NOTHING!

Except there was. Several, actually. And I _knew_ that.

I fought through the distortion of the euphoria, trying to get my thoughts straight. I suddenly felt the strain of this new form. Every connection in my body felt tense as guitar strings, ready to snap and have me break apart into a million pieces. My heart was pumping a mile a minute and I couldn't get enough air into my lungs. The Super Saiyan form truly was a drug, addictive in its sense of freedom and power, but damaging to my body.

I couldn't imagine ever mastering this, taming it, turning a roaring tiger into a placid kitten. I couldn't imagine shoving down the raging, rushing currents of my power to suppress myself down to the level of your average human. But I knew it was possible. I'd seen the original Goku and his son do it. It took a day in the Hyperbolic Time Chamber, a full year of constant training to master this aspect of Saiyan power, but they'd done it.

I withdrew my ki from that spot in my spine, and it was like jumping from a hot tub to an ice bath. I was left shaking and panting, my body soaked with sweat, as I readjusted to a normal, stable body instead of the demigod that was the Super Saiyan. I looked around and found I was in a bit of a crater, my blazing aura having pushed metric tons of sand away from where I was standing until I was left on the bedrock.

I swiped my brow and focused. "A year? I'll do it in six months."

And then I went Super Saiyan again.

My training shifted focus that day. I now spent every day mostly meditating, while simultaneously trying to maintain the Super Saiyan state. Not wanting to cause collateral damage, I often flew to remote corners of the planet, making sure to get back to West City by dinnertime lest I risk Bulma's wrath. When I was utterly spent from keeping the form up, I would grit my teeth and go back to training in my base form until I could hardly move, only to pop a Sage Pill and repeat the process. I started to get real gains in my training again, reaching 2M before the new year.

I took a break from trying to pacify my blond alter-ego to make the wishes for 751 (and Bulma's 18th birthday, but that went without saying). I had already used magic to end world hunger; famine was now a thing of the past. I used the wishes that year to deal with the other three horsemen of the apocalypse. I wished for an end to disease, that no conflict would ever escalate to murder, and that everyone would live as long as they wanted to. I didn't wish for everyone to be immortal, because I knew that some people truly reached a point where they had enough and needed the sweet release of Death. I wasn't one of them, but I would respect the needs of others. I'd worded the wish so that everyone basically reverted to or stopped aging past 30, and would remain that way until such time as they were truly ready to move on.

King Furry declared September 2nd the Day of Miracles. He made some not-so-subtle references in his speech that he was aware someone had the Dragon Balls, and he wholeheartedly approved of whoever it was. I blushed at that, being complimented even tangentially by the ruler of the planet. Though it was really Bulma and Capsule Corps running things by this point, they'd grown into a superpower on the back of her and her father's upgrades of what came from the Archive.

True to my word, I was able to transition into Super Saiyan and not even blink by mid-January. I spent a full day just lounging around the house with golden hair and turquoise eyes. Panchy commented that she found my dye job and contacts very fetching. Briefs was more aware of the fact I wasn't exactly human but refrained from comment. And Bulma argued that I wasn't fully in control until I could do it in my sleep. So we spent a good few hours trying to 'tire me out' before I went to sleep. Wouldn't you know, I actually woke up still Super Saiyan.

The transformation officially mastered to my exacting standards, it was time to do something… risky. I gave Bulma a kiss and promised I'd return within 48 hours. Then I used Instant Transmission to appear at Kami's Lookout.

"Goku. What is it that brings you here today?" asked Kami, now looking identical to the 'Piccolo' that had been good as an uncle to Son Gohan. With his reclaimed youth thanks to Shenron's magic, he had decided to take up training again. I occasionally challenged him to a spar, giving him a chance to cut his teeth on combat after centuries of peaceful watching.

I looked him dead in the eye. "I need to use the Hyperbolic Time Chamber."

Kami frowned. "I won't even ask how you know about that, you have that magical computer from Shenron that reveals every secret of the universe. For what reason, though? Is there a threat I am unaware of?"

"It's not so much because I 'need' to get stronger. I just don't trust myself to practice this out here on Earth."

"What is this training that you fear so much?"

I blew out a breath. "I want to try and combine the Oozaru and the Super Saiyan transformations."

Kami's eyes widened. "I see. That might prove… dangerous to those around you."

"Which is why I want to go to a pocket dimension with nobody but me."

Kami nodded. "Very well. I will grant your request. Remember, you can only spend up to two years in there in your entire lifetime, and there's only enough supplies in there to support a single person for that long anyway."

I indicated the backpack I was carrying. "I have hundreds of Sage Pills, I won't go hungry. Thanks for the reminder, though."

With little fuss, I stepped through the door and into a place with its own distinct space and time. I laid my pack in the living area and walked out into the formless white void of the room. The temperature fluctuations didn't really bother me, my body able to handle the cold of space or the heat of a sun by this point. And the 10 Gs were as unnoticeable to me as standard Earth gravity.

I flew as far out as I could manage, the air growing denser the further I went. When if felt like I was at the bottom of a lake, I stopped. Hopefully the pressure would keep me from wandering further out, if I lost control.

I threw up a Moon Ball. I didn't really need it, but I figured there was no point in making this even harder than it had to be when I was just starting out. I meditated myself into a Zen state, to a point of total peace and balance. I looked up and allowed myself to transform into the Oozaru. My clothes stretched with me; I was wearing Bulma's new nanofiber armor rather than conjured clothes these days. Then, when I was done turning into a 100-foot giant ape, I focused my ki into the S-cells hidden in my spine.

As it turns out, combining raw animal instinct with explosive ki enhancement is like throwing fire and lightning into a blender. The destructive cocktail that came out proved… quite difficult to control.

It was a good month before I stopped blacking out each time I transformed and waking up somewhere else in the barren wasteland of the Hyperbolic Time Chamber. I actually started to remember things, but the actual moment I lost control remained fleeting and beyond my grasp. After another few weeks, I finally managed to gain a few moments of lucidity at the start of the combination before I lost control.

At the quarterway mark for my stay, I decided enough was enough. "Alright, no more mister nice guy. I'm going to make this thing my bitch! You hear me? My BITCH!" Ironically, after my angry outburst, I spent a good hour trying to attain a state of purity. I found myself thinking about Bulma. I was doing this for her. So I could rise to every threat, protect her from all harm. If the Supreme Angel himself decided to mark her for death, I would have to be able to stop him.

With calm deliberation, I attempted to access both transformations simultaneously.

The writhing, roiling, chaotic mass of energy and emotion slammed into me with the force of a supernova. I met it resolutely. The unstoppable force would meet the immovable object. Every second was a struggle, but I REFUSED to lose. The raging, roided up beast would be caged in by my iron will and determination. Every second, the burning mass of plasma coiled around and within me, trying to burn or enflame me. I did not allow it. Zen-Oh as my witness, I would stay in control.

After a subjective eternity, the power began to abate in its ferocity. It was no less intense or wild, but it had bowed to me. Like a stallion breaking, its will to defy had broken. It still rocked and rattled in the confines I had set for it, but the form was stable.

I opened my eyes, turned, and calmly walked all the long way back to the living area. Each step, I risked losing the thin edge of dominance I had claimed over this new form, but I persevered. At last, I made it to the copy of Kami's temple. I went to my backpack and pulled out a probe Bulma had designed. It flew around me, scanning everything from my blood pressure to my ki frequency to the chemical makeup of my hair. When it was done and settled back into my hand, I send the form down deep within, where it coiled along my spine like serpent awaiting its moment to strike.

I was hit with a tidal wave of exhaustion. I managed to swallow a Sage Pill and I _still_ passed out. When I awoke, I fiddled with the probe to get a hologram of what I looked like.

I regarded the 3D model of my hybrid transformation and the data that went with it. My hair was still black, and fell to my shoulders like a shaggy lion's mane. My muscles were bulging, and my skin was covered in pinkish-red fur everywhere except my chest, hands, and feet. My eyes were a feral yellow with red pigmentation. I had also grown to about 5'9, or my full adult height.

"Hmm, interesting," I thought aloud as I scrolled through the information the probe had gathered. "Power Level off the charts, around 1 billion I'd say. So the multipliers combined to 500. That will certainly come in handy, if I can manage to master it. Now, what to call you? You're stronger than Super Saiyan 3, so I almost want to say Super Saiyan 4. But that makes no sense. You're not a progression of the Super Saiyan form past 3, you're a mixture of Oozaru and 1." I tapped my chin.

"Let's call you Super Saiyan Ape."

I spent the next nine months getting a handle of this new form, and training in a capsule version of my Gravity Chamber. With the higher gravity of the Hyperbolic Time Chamber, I was able to go up to 5000x Earth's gravity, and even more if I used the Mass Magnifier technique. I wound up training _in_ Super Saiyan Ape form as often as my base form, and my progress was phenomenal. By the time the hourglasses told me I'd spent a full day on the outside within the Chamber, I had more than doubled my Power Level all the way to 5M in my base form. I would now be more than twice as strong as Frieza in Super Saiyan form. And if I pushed myself further, explored all my possible transformations and breaking the ceilings on my base form, I just might beat him as I was.

Which would be totally _epic_ , let's be honest.

I stepped out of the chamber a new man.

Kami gaped at me. "How… I've never felt so much potential power in one person before. And you haven't even reached the limits of these new horizons!"

I grinned. "Yeah, but I missed my girlfriend. I'll keep working on it. Don't worry."

"When will enough be enough, child?" Kami asked. "This thirst for power you have worries me, I must admit."

I sighed and looked at him, sad to see distrust from someone I respected. "I don't want to be _the_ best. I just want to be _my_ best. It just so happens that my best is a lot higher than most people would expect."

"... I see."

"See you in September, or maybe earlier if you feel like sparring."

Kami smiled wryly. "If I ever feel like getting my ass handed to me, I'll be sure to contact you."

I laughed. What do you know? The old slug could make a joke.

* * *

I spent the next fifteen months either working to be perfect Super Saiyan Ape or doing my ordinary training routine. I hit 500 G's in my base form in the Gravity Chamber, and started using Mass Magnifier as I had in the Hyperbolic Time Chamber with lesser gravities to keep making gains. I gave Bulma the probe, and she made a crucial discovery: the data wasn't in the Archive. Turns out the computer didn't update itself as new information was created, simply having everything there had been at the moment it had been created. It was important to learn, and led Bulma and Briefs to being more experimental with the schematics and science they gleaned, now knowing they weren't necessarily the absolute best possible.

The wishes for 752 weren't as groundbreaking as the year previous, but they did a lot of good in their own way. The first wish for that every citizen of Earth would be free of depression or anxiety or other forms of mental illness. No more crazies or people locked in their own heads. Not quite perpetual happiness, but at least the worst darkness was locked away. The second wish was that the Earth would never run out of natural resources, everything quietly regenerating in the background. The third wish was a bit risky, but I had Shenron link the power of the Dragon Balls to me instead of Kami. Not that I didn't trust the old Namekian to take care of himself, but I had more confidence that I would survive. I was striving so much to be unkillable, after all. Plus, if they could do so much with his measly power, imagine what they could do with my millions? Bulma and I could start getting into even more outlandish wishes.

My 17th birthday came around. Bulma went all out. She hired carnival rides, performers, no less than ten different caterers, and flew everyone I loved in. Yamcha, Krillin and I had a lot of fun stuffing ourselves silly and riding the Astrospin or Zipper until we puked and then doing it all again. Roshi, Ox-King, and Grandpa Gohan got drunk and started reminiscing and cracking jokes at an out-of-the-way table. I paused in my gluttony to check to see where Bulma was. I saw that she was sipping a drink and chatting with Chi-Chi (whom had grown into a distractingly lovely young woman) and Launch. Curious, wondering what was so special about 'girl talk', I used the Shapeshifting technique to turn into a bird and fly over near their table. I pecked at the ground and tried to stay far away enough that I wouldn't get kicked, yet close enough to hear everything.

"So, Launch, how are things with Yamcha?" Bulma asked the former split personality.

"Pretty good. We're thinking about moving in together," Launch said, scratching a content Puar in her lap.

"Don't you already live in the same house?" Chi-Chi asked.

"Yeah, but there's only so many times you can get cockblocked or walked in on before you start cleaning your old Uzi. We're thinking of getting our own place."

Bulma pulled out her smartphone to make a note. "Look into invisibility cloaks and noise suppressors for public sex," she dictated.

I proved that even a pigeon could blush. Sure, I was up for it, but I didn't realize girls were _quite_ this explicit with each other.

Chi-Chi looked even more scandalized than I was. "How can you… _say_ things like that?" she demanded.

"Sorry, not sorry. I don't have a filter and I'm not looking to get one. I speak my mind and if you don't like it, tough!" Bulma said imperiously.

"Well, you should still keep certain things to yourself!"

"At least I'm not some repressed wallflower that can't even curse!"

"Calm down, you two," Launch said with terrifying smile.

"Sorry," the heiress and princess said in unison.

"Anyway, back to the topic of boyfriends. How's Goku, Bulma?" Launch asked.

My girl got a dopey smile, which would have put one on my own face if it weren't for the fact I had a beak instead of lips at the moment. "Just wonderful. He spends most of his time working out or practicing techniques, but she always drops everything when I ask. We go on a date every week, and it's never boring. He listens to me, and actually _listens_ , you know, instead of just waiting for his turn to speak. I wouldn't change a thing about him."

Chi-Chi was looking down and trying very hard not to seem upset or jealous, but I saw it anyway. I felt a pang of sympathy for her. Unrequited love sucked, but I didn't know how to fix it. Launch nodded and smiled, before getting an alarming glint in her eyes. "That's cute. But how _is_ he? You know, in bed?"

Chi-Chi's head snapped up. "Launch?! How could you even suggest such a thing? He's underage!"

Bulma looked at Chi-Chi with something like pity. "Actually, we had an existing relationship when we were both under 18. Romeo and Juliet laws allow for sexual intercourse without any statutory offenses."

Chi-Chi's jaw dropped. "So you… and he…"

"We've been in love for a long time," Bulma said simply. "We don't have to talk about it," she offered.

Launch rolled her eyes. "Come on, don't mind the prude. I want details! Technique, stamina, girth. Does he do anything with his tail? What's it like doing it with a guy shorter than you? Live a little, ladies."

"As a lady, I don't kiss and tell," Bulma said, before getting a grin. "But a gal also doesn't have sex and shuts up. Let's just say I have no complaints."

"Oh, come on, give me _something_!" Launch demanded, even as Chi-Chi looked like she might cry.

Bulma noticed the latter's emotional state but bowed to the former. "Put it this way: I cum more times than he does."

"Oh, you lucky bitch."

Chi-Chi got up and stormed off.

"Geez, she's uptight."

Bulma sighed. "Honestly, Launch, are you blind? She's in love with Goku."

"Wait, what?" Launch gaped, even as Bulma got up and chased after Chi-Chi.

I flapped after them, worried for both of them. Bulma reached Chi-Chi as she hid behind a big tree. "Hey. I'm sorry, Launch got a bit carried away, I shouldn't have played along," Bulma said.

"That's not why I'm upset," Chi-Chi said, keeping her head down.

"Then what is it? Maybe talking about it will help."

"I don't want to talk to _you_ about this."

Bulma shrugged. "Okay, but I'm the only one here. And I'm pretty sure I already know what the problem is."

"Oh, you do, do you? Genius girl with the big boobs and the rich daddy knows everything that's wrong with sad little Chi-Chi?" There was enough acid to dissolve bones in her words.

Bulma remained unaffected. "Just let it off your chest, Chi-Chi. Get it out in the open."

Chi-Chi seemed to snap, looking up with red eyes at Bulma. "Okay. I can tell you how much I like Goku. How I can't stop thinking about him. That I haven't stopped thinking about him since the moment we met! That I'm so fantastically, over-the-top, want-to-slit-my-own-throat in love with him that for every minute of every hour of every day I can't believe my own damn bad luck that you met him first!"

I looked down from the branch I was perched on, my heart breaking. Damn it, I should have nipped this in the bud. I should have talked to her, been more direct. I should have-

"Good. You said it. Now we can talk about sharing him."

"... Wait, WHAT?!" Chi-Chi asked even as I thought it.

Bulma had a calm, patient smile. "You know he's not human."

"Yes. He told me. I don't care, he's still the best man I know."

"Me too. And I love him. I love him so much. But he's the last of a dying race." Bulma leaned against the tree, looking into the distance. "I brought this up with him a long time ago, the day after we met in fact. He's not okay with cloning, and he feels very strongly that the only ones raising his kids are him and their mother, so artificial insemination is out the window." Bulma shrugged. "Then we made the wishes for everyone to be mostly immortal, and it stopped seeming like such an issue. We'd be together for centuries, we could pop out a reasonable number of little half-Saiyans in that time." Bulma sighed. "And then I realized something."

"What?" Chi-Chi asked.

"I'm not enough for him."

I almost Shapeshifted back then and there to deny her, but she kept talking before I could make the decision. "He loves you, in his own way. I'm not sure he even realizes it, but I recognize the light in his eyes when he talks about you. It's the same he gets when he talks to me. And it occured to me that I was being selfish."

"Selfish?" Chi-Chi asked, voicing my own confused thoughts.

Bulma chuckled. "You know how we got together in the first place? I asked the Archive who my perfect boyfriend would be, and he came up. When I realized that he still loved me and somehow loved you at the same time, I got to thinking. I asked the Archive this question: 'who would be perfect for Son Goku in a relationship?'" Bulma looked to Chi-Chi with an amused smirk. "The list was as long as your arm. He's just that much of a loving, caring, open-hearted person. He could settle down with me, or you, or any of a dozen others and be happy. So that led to a few days of research into polyamory and group relationship dynamics. And finally, I decided that I loved him enough to not ask him to settle for just me when he has more love than any one person could handle."

"So… what are you saying? You want me to… to…" Chi-Chi sputtered.

"I'm not saying that we have to be lesbian life partners and have orgies with him and the rest of his harem. Just that we be sister-wives and keep the relationship open for others to potentially join. I think of it like he's a sun, just so massive and full of energy and life, and I'm a planet orbiting him. Well, there's plenty of room for other planets. He can be in two or more places at once with his Multiform, so none of us would necessarily be neglected or denied one-on-one attention. And I _know_ that he has a bigger appetite for sex than I can satisfy, so more partners wouldn't be a strain in that department."

"This… this is insane." Chi-Chi said weakly.

Bulma patted her on the shoulder. "Just picture it. He comes home from a long day of training. You have dinner cooked and ready on the table. We live in a house I pay for so you guys don't have to worry about work or expenses. A few munchkins running around in the yard, a bassinet in the corner, maybe a few pets. We go to sleep in a big puppy pile on the bed. It's nice, right?"

"It is a nice picture," Chi-Chi admitted. "It's just not one I ever saw for myself."

Bulma shrugged. "It's up to you, Chi-Chi. But if you love him as much as you say you do, then you should take this opportunity. Because I'm never letting him go. I'll die before I stop loving him, and I'd bet my life he'll die before he stops loving me. We _will_ be together for the rest of our lives. I'm giving you the chance to join us. I understand wanting him all to yourself, believe me I do. But it's not fair to him. If I were you, I'd take him any way I could get him."

"... I'll have to think about it. I'll let you know." Chi-Chi got a determined look. "But not a word of this to him! I don't want him to start acting differently around me."

"Mum's the word. I haven't even talked to him about any of this. I should probably have done that before bringing it up with you, but then you ran off and I just had to talk to you." Bulma turned to look towards the party. "Where is he, anyway?"

I flew off into the thick of the carnival set up, Shapeshifting back into my real body between two tents. I walked from there towards Grandpa Gohan and the other two 'dads' at the party, my mind miles away. Bulma found me with them, nodding along as they traded drunken anecdotes and jokes.

"Hey, babe! I was looking for you."

"Hi, Bulma," I said, putting on a smile.

She knew me too well. "What is it?"

"... I think I need to lie down."

"Oh. Did you finally manage to eat too much?"

"I don't think that's it."

"Well, you can't be sick. That doesn't happen anymore."

I stood up. "I just need some time to think. I'll come back when I got my head on straight."

"Goku, what's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong, I just… need to process something." I kissed her cheek. "Love you," I told her, and meaning it with all my heart.

"Love you too," she replied, her brow furrowed in concern. "Don't worry, it's your party, no one will care if you go missing to take a nap or something. Just promise to come back when you're feeling better."

"I will." With that, I used Instant Transmission to go to our room.

I laid down on the bed and stared at the ceiling, the unbelievable conversation I'd heard swirling around in my head.

"I'm not in love with Chi-Chi," I stated. For some reason, it felt like a lie. "Okay, I like Chi-Chi as much as the next girl." Still wrong. "I love her as a friend." Getting closer. "I have loving feelings for Chi-Chi, but I'm not _in_ love with her." A few naughty fantasies I would never admit to popped into my head. "Alright, alright, I have sexual feelings for Chi-Chi but I love her so it's… o… kay…"

I laid there in shock.

"Well, fuck. Bulma was right. Damn it, she's _always_ right."

* * *

I managed to get myself back into a functional state of mind in time to enjoy the rest of the party, including a seven-tiered Saiyan-sized birthday cake. I decided to act as though I'd heard nothing. If and when Chi-Chi got back to Bulma with an answer, then they could approach me when they felt the time was right. Until then, I would continue on in faked ignorant bliss.

A month passed by in a flash, and then Bulma and I were flying back to Papaya Island. The Power Levels of the contestants were much more impressive this time. Most were in the triple digits, and I sensed at least five that cracked a thousand. Maybe this wouldn't be as boring as I thought! I got much less grief from the registration table, even though I was almost the same size I'd been when I'd last shown up. If I didn't stop being a midget by my 20th birthday, I was going to scream.

"Hey, Goku. Great party!" Yamcha called out, coming up behind me much as he had three years ago.

"Thanks. So you and Launch find a place yet?"

"Yup. Bulma actually hooked us up. She's subletting an apartment for us and giving us a discounted rent. It's nice to have friends in high places I guess."

"Hey," said a random passerby, eyeing the black-haired, full-framed Roshi up and down.

"Well, hell-o pretty lady," the 'old' lech replied right back.

Krillin sighed, the weight of his suffering such that his ghost almost flew out of his mouth. "He's been like this since we landed. Turns out he's even worse when girls actually flirt back. I can't take much more of this."

"Well, well, well. Look what the cat dragged in."

Roshi froze, his smile dying as he started to look downright hostile. He turned to look at the three that had approached us. "Shen," he grit out. "What are you doing here?"

I looked between the two sides. It was like a carnival mirror. Two masters, two alpha males, two dwarfs. One side was orange and blue, the other was green and yellow. Yamcha and Krillin looked with confusion at the sneers they were getting from these strangers.

"When I heard that you'd crawled out from under your rock to train some students and have them compete at the last Tournament, I decided that the Crane Hermit School should have it's time to shine." The purple-haired man gave an ugly smile. "Heed my words: one of my boys will be the champion this year."

Roshi guffawed. "Hah! You've forgotten more of our master's teachings than I ever thought possible if you believe that." Roshi hooked a thumb to point to me. "We're all just competing for second."

Curious, I raised my Power Level to 10k, giving no outward signal of my surging aura. Shen didn't so much as blink, proving he was blind to ki, but his students suddenly looked nervous. "Hah! You don't know what you're talking about, Roshi. Tien Shinhan and Chiaotzu have endured some of the most brutal training in the world! They'll make mincemeat of the former champion." Shen looked at me with bored, unimpressed eyes. "Roku, was it?"

"Goku," I said calmly. No point getting angry. That would be like drinking poison and expecting it to kill him.

The triclops stepped towards me. "You crippled Mercenary Tao." It was much an accusation as a statement.

I looked back undaunted. "He was a bad man who did bad things. He crippled a lot of other people or even worse. I don't regret what I did."

"Mercenary Tao is a great man!"

"Perhaps," I said. "But I was greater. And if might indeed makes right, as your master taught you, then you shouldn't have a problem with what I did."

Tien grit his teeth. "See you in the finals."

"We'll see," I said neutrally. The Crane School walked away, apparently already registered… or just shooting themselves in the foot to be dramatic. Either/or.

"Who was that guy, Master Roshi? Seems like he's got a real beef with you," Yamcha asked.

"Shen and I were students of the great Mutaito. There was a time when I considered him a brother. But he grew selfish and arrogant, and began using our master's teachings for dark purposes. He taught his brother how to kill, and that man went on to become Mercenary Tao."

"So, Goku sent that guy's pseudo-uncle to prison in a wheelchair." Krillin whistled. "He must have a real grudge against you, man."

I had a secretive smile on my face. "Yeah, well, I have a feeling that by the time the tournament is over, he's going to feel differently."

This WMAT would see the test-run of the Corruption Correction.

I'd finally got around to digging into the Archive for a technique to cleanse evil from the soul. I went through a few potential candidates before finally striking gold. An order of monks on the planet Thrivfidm had seen evil and immorality as a disease of the spirit, a cancer of the soul. They'd eventually developed a 'cure' that roughly translated as Corruption Correction. The technique had two parts. The first required five seconds of eye contact, where a beam was shot from my eyes into the target's. They would then vomit up a sort of negativity tumor, the accumulation of all the darkness in their heart. It was then up to me to destroy the tumor before it got loose and wreaked havoc. The result would leave the recipient with a pure heart. It wouldn't fundamentally change their personality, and they could dirty themselves up with cruelty and malice all over again if they wanted to, but for a moment they would be restored to goodness.

I had plans to test it out on the Crane School before using it on King Piccolo. If it worked, then I was set to redeem all the villains that came after me in the future. I (hopefully) wouldn't have to kill my fellow Saiyans, I could make Frieza a force for good, and I could make sure Buu remained a soft cotton candy marshmallow.

The next day, we all reported for the elimination rounds. Roshi entered as himself this time, and quickly fought to the top of his bracket. With a Gravity Belt set to 150x and using the Mass Magnifier, as well as making a 90-10 split Multiform to hang out with Bulma, I actually got a decent workout fighting the mass of hopeful fighters.

The drawing for the quarter-finals was rigged, Chiaotzu using telekinesis to make sure we all drew the number Tien wanted us to. I kept my mouth shut and focused on the feel and shape of the technique, hoping to replicate it at a later date. It came down to Tien Shinhan vs Yamcha, Roshi vs. Man-Wolf, Krillin vs. Chiaotzu, and Pamput vs. me.

Tien won his match with a cheap shot, aiming a Dodon Ray at the crowd and forcing Yamcha to take it. Roshi sent Man-Wolf away with his tail between his legs. Krillin got tripped up by Chiaotzu using telekinetic paralysis, allowing the mime to physically push Krillin out of the ring. Pamput was one of the guys with a PL over 1k, and I genuinely enjoyed our fight, but I finally won by grabbing his neck with my tail as I jumped over him and flipped, throwing him out into the crowd.

The Announcer hyped the crowd up, leading into the semi-finals. Roshi managed to plant a seed of doubt in Tien's mind, watering it by forfeiting the match to prove he wasn't just trying to get in the triclops' head. I threw off Chiaotzu's ki and rushed in, sending the surge of ki energy into his body through his optic nerve. He fell to his knees, coughing up a jet-black blob that formed into a copy of Chiaotzu, with blank white eyes and a cruel grin. I atomized it with a ki bomb that swerved into the sky, blowing up like a firework. The Crane School student rushed into my arms crying, begging forgiveness for all his sins. I comforted him, even as Tien watched from the sidelines in shock.

"What did you do to my friend?" he demanded in rage as our finals match started. "It's like he's been brainwashed!"

"You know when you clean a dryer's lint trap and end up with a big dust bunny?" I asked, dodging his blows almost casually. "Well, that thing I destroyed was the dust bunny, and the lint was every bad thought and negative emotion he's ever had. He's still your friend, he just has his conscience back."

"Who are you to do that? What gives you the right?" Tien yelled.

"It felt like the right thing to do. I don't regret it. And I'm going to do the same to you!"

I leaped at his head, grabbing his skull. He closed his eyes, but forgot about his third eye. His Corruption and I had a clash of the Tribeam and the Kamehameha, in a suitably dramatic face-off.

Shen lost two students, his reformed proteges deciding to study under Master Roshi. As I turned away from the Crane Hermit losing his shit, I was approached by my Multiform and Bulma. To my surprise, Chi-Chi was also with them.

"Hey, Chi-Chi! I didn't know you were coming."

She poked her fingers together. "Neither did I. Then I… made a decision, and here I am."

"Merge with your Multiform, Goku," Bulma instructed.

Tilting my head, I reached out with my ki and drew the construct back into my body.

A rush of memories hit me.

I gaped. "Are you serious?"

Bulma grinned and wrapped an arm around Chi-Chi's shoulder. "Tell him, _girlfriend_."

Chi-Chi gulped. "Goku… Bulma and… I… WILL YOU DATE BOTH OF US?!" she shouted, seeming to find her nerve at the last second.

I looked between them. Then I smiled and flew up. I kissed first Bulma, and then Chi-Chi on the cheek. "Sure. Let's give this a try, see if it works."

Steam came out of Chi-Chi's ears and Bulma grinned like the cat that got the cream.

And that's how I wound up dating two women at once.

* * *

 **Yes, this is going to be a harem story. I'm sure some will be surprised by some of the members, but if you don't like it you don't have to read it. I hope you all found something to appreciate about this chapter, and I look forward to your reviews.**


	4. Chapter 4

I touched down atop Kami's Lookout, the Dragon Balls tucked into a lead-lined case. I was immediately barreled into by a small form.

"Goku! Goku! Look how big I got!"

I smiled down at the young, smiling Namekian. "Wow. You've really grown. What you been up to?"

"I do my lessons with Lord Kami, and then I play tag with Mr. Popo. Yesterday, I actually managed to touch him!"

I grinned and rubbed that antennaed head. "Good job! Keep up the good work, and I'll get you a Gravity Belt for your birthday."

"Really?"

The day after the World Martial Arts Tournament, I had come up here to use the Corruption Correction on Kami's darker half. We released him from the rice cooker and I used the technique on him before Shenron's magic could even revitalize him. Given he was nothing _but_ a mass of negativity, the Corruption Correction left him comatose, an empty shell after I blasted the black mass into oblivion. Kami merged with it, and his Power Level skyrocketed. He truly was a Super Namekian; he had no idea how much harm he was doing by ripping himself in half the way he had. We'd enjoyed a spar, which of course I won, and Kami (he decided to keep that name) asked if I would take up his mantle as Guardian of Earth. I was already custodian of the Dragon Balls, which was half the job. I declined, not wanting to spend my days as a glorified sentry, but suggested that he make a 'son' to one day take his place. He'd spat out an egg, and little Piccolo Jr. had been born.

I was pretty much a beloved uncle, and I did my best to be a doting family member. I brought toys, checked in with him as regularly as I did the rest of my extended 'family', and occasionally 'played' with him on my day off. The kid was strong considering he was barely four months old, and was set to become a real powerhouse once he reached maturity. I was looking forward to having another reliable sparring partner.

"Ah, Goku. Here for the annual wishes, I take it?" Kami asked, coming up behind his son.

"Yeah. These last three should get us pretty close to a Utopia. Anything else going forward will just be extra stuff we think of that fills in a gap here or there. It helps that Bulma is already working her own magic with technology and Capsule Corps to do some of the stuff we were going to wish for," I explained, pretending not to notice Piccolo chasing my tail.

"Well, do what you will."

I took out the Dragon Balls and summoned Shenron. Piccolo 'oohed' and 'aahed' at the dragon's appearance. " **You who have summoned me, I will grant you three wishes… again**."

Huh. What do you know? Even mystical wish-granting serpents have senses of humor. "I wish for all the pollution in the biosphere to be magically vanished, for everyone to have the chance to get an education, and for a stable climate."

" **Your wishes have been granted**." I made a game of it and gave the Dragon Balls a five second head start. I still caught all of them before they touched the ground.

Kami regarded me with questioning eyes as I packed away the stone orbs. "I notice that you haven't wished for an end to crime. Why is that?"

"Because that would infringe on free will." I stood up. "Look, I'm okay with subtly brainwashing everyone into not killing each other. But not hurting each other seems just a step too far. Even the Corruption Correction doesn't take away the capacity for evil; a person could turn right back into a black-hearted scumbag if they really wanted to. I'm not a god, and I don't even agree that they should have the right to dictate our actions. If people still want to steal and fight and poison themselves even with all the opportunities these wishes and Bulma's work with the government give them to live wholesome lives, that's up to them. And they have the _right_ to choose."

Kami smiled. "There is a wisdom to you I do not appreciate. So, already know what you'll wish for next year?"

"Actually, yeah. Bulma thinks we should terraform the moon, Mars, and Venus. There's been a real population boom now that only a handful of people are dying each year and everyone is eternally young. We could sure use the extra space down the line." I suddenly moved two feet to the right, letting a pouncing Piccolo fall flat on his face. "Too slow, kid."

Piccolo pouted. "I'm going to grow up and get real strong. And then I'll fight you for real!"

I grinned and acknowledged his vow as a warrior. "I'm looking forward to it, Piccolo."

* * *

I was relaxing on my day off, just flipping through the channels. To my delight, I could lay my feet on the table. I'd finally hit my growth spurt, in the weeks leading up to my 18th birthday (though I was technically turning 19 due to my time in the Hyperbolic Time Chamber). I was just thinking about getting something to eat when there was a knock on the door.

"I'll get it!" I called, going to the door. I opened it and had to blink. "Fortuneteller Baba?"

I could be forgiven for my confusion. The woman before me bore little resemblance to the hunched crone from my memories. She stood 5', her black robe clinging to jaw-dropping curves. Her face had the clear, cute lines of a cheerleader, and her black hat was perched atop pink tresses that fell like a waterfall of sakura petals. She looked like she had been lifted off the pages of a witch girl manga.

She noticed me checking her out and winked. "I understand that I have you to thank for my reclaimed youth."

I scratched the back of my head. "Bulma came up with it. I just said the words."

"Well, in any case, you have my thanks. But that's not why I'm here."

"Alright. What is it, then?"

She cleared her throat. "King Kai, Lord-Sovereign of the North Galaxy, Keeper of Souls and Master of the Ancient Ways, cordially invites you to lunch."

I blinked. Huh. Guess even with the ki barrier, I'd caught his attention. Then again, an awful lot of magic was used on the planet every year, which was a different energy entirely. "I see. Can you give me a lift to Other World?"

Baba slumped. "I was expecting more of a reaction. Kids today, so desensitized by movies and television." A blue glass orb floating out from her robe. "Place your hand on this."

There was a weird pulling sensation that was nothing like Instant Transmission. I blinked, and I found myself to the side of King Yemma and his giant desk. I looked at the line of soul clouds leading up to him and felt a shiver. Never again, in any way, shape, or form. I didn't even eat fast food because there was a line.

"Hmm. Live ones? What are you doing here?" questioned the massive red ogre.

Baba shrugged. "For some reason, the King Kai wants to talk to this hunk." She turned to me, holding up a finger. "Now remember, this time was as a favor to the Kai. You want another trip to the land of the dead, it's a billion Zeni, cash upfront."

"Got it," I said, hiding a sweat drop at her legendary greed.

King Yemma summoned an ogre assistant, who led me to the start of Snake Way. "King Kai's planet is at the end of this road. I'm afraid the journey takes several months, and your appointment with King Kai is for noon. If I were you, I'd book it," said the helpful oni.

I grinned, and powered up to my maximum. Paying no heed to the gaping assistant, I shot off at my fastest speed. I never got the chance to really cut loose and fly. I soared over the winding path of Snake Way, traveling at thousands of miles per hour. Within ten minutes, I made it to the end. I banked upward and flipped, coming down to land on the tiny sphere of the North Kai's planet.

"Hello! Anyone here? I was invited for lunch!" I shouted.

A strange blue creature wearing black robes, a cap, and sunglasses came out of a small, dome-shaped house. He had pointed ears and cricket-like antennae. "Oh, Son Goku. You arrived sooner than I expected."

I nodded and, remembering my manners, bowed. "Hello, King Kai. Sorry if I'm too early."

"No, no, it gives me a chance to give you a test while lunch finishes cooking." The Kai walked around me, surveying me from head to toe, nodding and mumbling to himself. He stopped before me. "Well, I have nothing to teach you in the physical realm. You've done quite well for yourself in that department. However, if you want to learn from the many legendary techniques I have mastered, you must do one thing: make me laugh."

I scratched my head. "Actually, the Kaio-ken and the Spirit Bomb are in the Archive, this computer I wished for with the Dragon Balls. I just haven't practiced them out of respect to you."

The Core Person stumbled before catching himself. "Yes, well, if you wish to earn the right to perform them without suffering divine retribution, you will pass my test regardless."

I searched my mind for a good joke. For some reason, I could only think of ones Roshi told me. Well, here's hoping the Kai was a bit of a pervert. "Okay. What's the difference between a breeze and a nun?"

"I don't know, what?"

"A breeze will blow you!"

Dead silence.

"Ha! Ha! Ha!" King Kai went, clutching his stomach. "Oh, that's a good one! I'm going to be telling that one to the other Kais! Well, not the East Kai, she's a woman and would get offended. But nice one, kid!"

I blew out a breath. I can't believe that worked. Well, just goes to show. With the exception of my Grandpa, all old men were perverts.

We settled down and had a nice lunch. Turns out King Kai had been eavesdropping when I had explained my 'vision' of the future to Bulma. The reason it had taken so long for this meeting to happen was because the King Kai had to find space in his 'busy schedule'. For the most part, the King Kai approved of my actions with the Dragon Balls and encouraged me to keep on getting stronger. It would be a real feather in his cap to have the strongest warrior alive in his quadrant. I got some stern warnings to never intentionally draw the attention of Majin Buu or Beerus, but was otherwise given free reign. The fact that I outpowered the Kai even in base form probably was a factor, but neither of us mentioned it.

I took a chance when lunch was coming to a close. "King Kai… may I hold your hand?"

The divine being tilted his head. "Um… okay?"

With a grin, I took his offered hand and sank into the lotus position. I closed my eyes and focused, using all the practice I had put into mind reading to help my ki sensitivity to good use. I 'looked' only at the space where King Kai should be, on the body I was holding, on the skin I was touching. I sensed… it wasn't nothing. It was more an absence. Like when you look up at the sky on the new moon and can't see the moon exactly but you can make out the empty space where it should be. That's what it was like trying to sense King Kai. There was something there, I just wasn't able to see it. I strove harder, looking further, deeper, from different directions. Almost… almost…

"There!" I shouted. "Huh. So that's what it feels like."

"What? What feels like what?" King Kai demanded, taking back his hand.

"Godly ki. Thanks, King Kai. Now I don't have to wait around for the ritual to become Super Saiyan God! Thanks for lunch! I'll come visit every now and then!"

As I reached up to engage Instant Transmission, I heard his last words.

"I feel so used."

* * *

It wasn't that different, dating Chi-Chi and Bulma compared to dating just Bulma. I spent my mornings with Chi-Chi and my evenings with Bulma, and on my day off I used Multiform to take each of them on their own individual date. It took a little while to master keeping the technique up at such distances, but training was training. It probably helped that Chi-Chi wanted to save herself for her wedding night, so I didn't have to juggle keeping both of them physically satisfied.

I was very much in love with both of them. They made me happy in different ways. Chi-Chi was so gentle and caring, with a backbone that came up whenever those she loved were threatened. Time with her was soothing. A walk through the garden with her had me smiling for the rest of the day. A gentle spar with her reminded me why I fought and inspired me to do better. Plus her cooking was to _die_ for. She was my safe place, a calm retreat that healed my soul. Bulma, on the other hand, never let me have a dull moment. She was constantly challenging me, changing how I saw the world, making me think and constantly on my toes. She got my blood flowing in all the right ways. She was also much more sensual than Chi-Chi; once she insisted we go to a nightclub while she was in a skimpy dress, and I got so worked up at guys ogling her that we had the hottest sex of our relationship afterwards.

They were two extremes, chaste and sinful, peaceful day and exhilarating night. Since the way to my heart was my stomach, I'll use a food metaphor. Chi-Chi was a nice, full glass of chilled apple juice, refreshing and light. Bulma was chocolate cake, rich and bitter with just a touch of sweetness. I couldn't get enough of either of them.

The two of them were cordial, swiftly warming up to genuine friendship. Bulma called Chi-Chi every day, trying to find common ground besides me. They bonded well enough, and on occasion even went out together on outings in either West City or the Ox Kingdom, just the two of them. As Bulma had said, they'd never be lesbian life partners, but they could spend time together and enjoy it. I'm sure our household would be a happy one.

On my 18th birthday, we went on our first group date. I flew both of them to a hot spring tucked away in the mountains. We spent hours just enjoying the water, talking, and getting used to being naked together. Well, Chi-Chi got used to being naked. Bulma and I were already intimately familiar on that front. Afterwards, when the sun was setting, I flew both of them to the summit of Mt. Paozu, one in my arms and the other safe on my back. Bulma rubbed herself against me while Chi-Chi clung to my head, unintentionally shoving her breasts into my face. I landed with a raging hard-on that I fought to suppress.

"This is where we had our first date," Bulma said fondly.

"Yes, it is." I said. "If you look carefully, you can see Grandpa Gohan's old hut from up here."

"Oh, I see it!" Chi-Chi said, coming near the edge of the cliff without fear, pointing at the right clearing. "Wow, what's that right next to it?"

"I've been sending Multiforms to build us a house. I'm not saying we have to live all the way out here, but it would be nice to have a place to retreat to, away from the city."

"Great idea, Goku!" Bulma grinned, eyes alight with anticipation. "So, why are we up here?"

"I figured I should do this here, where we can look on where our private getaway will be." I got down on one knee. Chi-Chi's hand flew to her mouth, while Bulma actually started to tear up.

"Bulma, you are the light of my life. You're the most gorgeous, smart, sexy woman I've ever met. Chi-Chi, you make me happier than I ever thought I could be. And if you let me, I'll spend the rest of my life trying to make you feel the same way." I pulled out two velvet jewelry boxes. With a flick of my fingers, I opened them both. Bulma's had a small diamond rose, in memory of the one I'd given her after our first fight. Chi-Chi's was a princess cut diamond surrounded by sapphires, her favorite gem. Both were set in 24-karat gold bands. "I love you both. Will you marry me?"

"Of course, you idiot," Bulma said, wiping at her eyes and sniffing.

"... Yes." Chi-Chi had a smile on her face that outshined the sun setting behind her.

I put Bulma's on first, in recognition that we'd been together longer. Then I put Chi-Chi's on her finger. They both hugged me, tucking their heads into opposite shoulders. I kissed both of them on the hair. My tail wagged happily behind me. The three of us were engaged!

Bulma got a tad frisky, reaching a hand to rub the base of my tail the way she knew I liked. I sent her off with a Multiform that IT'd her back to the Briefs Mansion. I flew Chi-Chi along the scenic route back to her castle.

"Goku, it's beautiful! Where did you find it?" Chi-Chi gushed, unable to take her eyes off her ring.

"I made it, actually."

"Really? Where did you get the stones?"

I chuckled. "No, Chi-Chi. I made it, with my Matter Creation technique. Gems and all."

Chi-Chi blinked. "... You can make gold and diamonds out of thin air?"

"Yeah. But I don't really use it much. Bulma's already rich enough for all of us to share, and it would feel like cheating to sell the stuff I created."

Chi-Chi grinned and snuggled in. "Always so noble."

"It's kind of my thing," I joked.

We touched down, and Chi-Chi dragged me to her Dad's office. "Daddy! Daddy! Goku proposed!"

"CONGRATULATIONS!" my future father-in-law bellowed, loud enough to be heard by the town at the base of the mountain the castle was on. I endured a back slap from the giant of a man, which oddly enough managed to hurt. Must be the power of family. "So, when is the wedding?!"

Chi-Chi and I exchanged amused looks. "We'll have to ask Bulma. If I know her, and I think I do, she's going to want to plan the wedding of the century," I answered.

"It'll take at least a year, maybe even two. We'll probably end up fighting over styles and themes and colors and everything," Chi-Chi said.

"But it'll be worth it."

"So worth it."

After a few more questions from the Ox-King, I escorted Chi-Chi to her royal bedchamber. I leaned in for our usual quick peck, but she surprised me and wrapped her arms around my neck, pressing herself up against my body. I responded with enthusiasm, wrapping my arms and my tail around her waist, carrying her over to her bed and laying her down, following her with my lips attached to hers the whole time. We made-out for a few minutes until the need for oxygen finally got the better of us.

"Chi-Chi… what brought this on?" I asked.

"My one true love asked me to be his wife, that's what," she said breathlessly, leaning up to nibble on my neck.

"So… how far do you want to take this? Did you change your mind about waiting?" I asked, unable to disguise my hope.

Chi-Chi groaned in frustration. "I don't know! I want to wait, like I was taught. And I want to make our wedding night special instead of just another night. But then I look at you and I want to just… attack you, and I know you and Bulma are doing it so…" she trailed off, clearly conflicted.

I smiled and gave her a close-mouthed kiss. "You know… there's plenty of stuff in between kissing and making love."

She blinked up at me with virginal confusion. "Really? Like what?"

I shared a naughty grin with her, and trailed my hand down her side before cupping her womanhood through her dress.

I taught Chi-Chi things about her body she had never even known, my fingers teasing and touching her with all the grace of a concert pianist. I swallowed her moans and cries with my mouth, while I luxuriated in the feel of the softest thing in the universe. I left her panting and sated, with one final kiss, before using Instant Transmission.

I found Bulma bent over the bed, her breasts rubbing against the mattress while her lower half was held aloft by the thrusting body of my Multiform. I grinned and, moving so fast she didn't notice the lapse, vanished the Multiform and took his place balls-deep inside her.

After I finished off that round, I set Bulma down and crawled onto the bed with her.

Bulma sniffed. "Goku, what's that smell? Did Chi-Chi spray perfume on you or something?"

I chuckled deep in my throat and held my fingers up to her nose. "In a manner of speaking."

Bulma, my queen of the bedroom, managed to blush. "Oh. _Oh_." She got that look when she was thinking about something. "Goku… I don't suppose…"

I Shapeshifted into a female version of my body. My breasts were A-cup at best and I still had an eight-pack, but my crotch had inverted and that was all that mattered. "Way ahead of you, _fiance_."

Bulma and I did things that night that would make the most hardcore yuri authors blush. The next day, Bulma stated she'd come to the conclusion she was definitely not a 0 on the Kinsey scale. Which opened up all kinds of possibilities, which filled me with primal hunger and curiosity.

Bulma and I had a late morning that day.

* * *

My training continued as always, aided by a new breakthrough. Bulma had finally managed to crack the Ultra Divine Water. It took a lot of research, but she finally managed to work out the magic behind it… and pioneered yet another new branch of science, thaumology. Whereas ki was the energy of living things, magic involved using energy from another dimension. Most of it flew over my head, but the point was that Bulma came up with a new way to improve my training. The Ultra Divine Water was the case of a cure being worse than the cold, forcing the body to cannibalize its own resources to grow stronger. The toxicity was abated only by an extremely positive aura, or someone of 'pure heart'. I'm not quite sure I met that standard without hopping on the Nimbus, but luckily I didn't have to find out. Bulma manufactured a much weaker version that also worked with the Senzu bean extract, healing the damage as soon as it happened. She started customizing my Sage Pills, and my gains had never been higher.

When Super Saiyan Ape was actually easy to maintain, I figured that I'd milked all I could from that form. I flew off into the Diablo Desert yet again, actually managing to find the same depression I'd created with mere blowback from the first Super Saiyan transformation. I flew down into the bottom of it, and got into the lotus position. With nary a flicker in my aura, I went Super Saiyan. Where once it had felt like an overdose of stimulants, it now was no different from being in my normal body.

I blew out a breath and focused on the slight burn in my spine, where the engines of this transformation were running deep inside me. Gathering all my ki into a single surge, I sent it all into the S-cells, forcing them to kick this transformation into the next gear.

There was a small explosion, in the way that 15 kilotons was a 'small' nuclear warhead. The little sand that had fallen into the hollow with me was burned to glass, while the dunes around me were blasted away with the force of the energy my body was giving out. I sat still, afraid to move lest I break the very air. The power flowing through me was a pale shadow of Super Saiyan Ape, but it was still considerable. I got the thought that I had run before I had walked, mastering the hybrid form before expanding on the Super Saiyan transformation. Well, no use crying over spilled milk. In any case, I now had a brand new form to try out and adapt to. I held up a hand and watched the bio-electricity flicker around my fingers.

"Hello Super Saiyan 2."

Time continued to fly by as it always had. I trained for most of the time I was awake, either on mastering Super Saiyan 2, meditating to try and alchemize my mortal ki into the divine counterpart, or trying to crush myself into a pancake in the Gravity Chamber. Speaking of, my favorite room now went up to 1000 G's and Bulma told me it was as far as it could possibly go for a while without risking destruction every time it turned on. There simply weren't materials strong enough to handle that level of force. Of course, that inspired her to try and develop and produce them. She spent most of her research hours doing that, when she wasn't planning the wedding.

I had very little input on that front, by the way. I acknowledged that weddings were mostly for the wives, and took getting shut out by both my fiances in regards to the arrangements with as much grace as I could while feeling left out. It was my day too, after all, I should be more involved than just showing up in a tux at the right time. Briefs, Ox-King, _and_ Grandpa Gohan all chuckled when I complained to them and advised me that I was better off staying out of the whole thing. Women, supposedly, went absolutely insane when it came to nuptials.

I kept track of all my other friends. Krillin and Yamcha, as two-time quarter-finalists in the WMAT, lived off endorsement deals when they weren't training. Yamcha and Launch seemed perfectly content to play house, while Krillin went back to touring the globe in search of adventure and training opportunities. Tien and Chiaotzu trained under Master Roshi for a year before leaving to start their own dojo, the New Crane School. They were very happy together (and 'together' together, as I learned from an ill-timed Instant Transmission. Wouldn't have thought Chiaotzu had it in him). Of course, they might have left for the sake of their sanity. Master Roshi, in a bizarre twist, became a fitness model, releasing a line of work-out videos like the ones he used to 'watch'. His little shack on the island turned into a playboy mansion, filled with toned, tanned women in swimsuits that helped him 'inspire' his viewers. Oolong crashed with Roshi, the two perverts getting along swimmingly.

Kami and Piccolo were progressing at literal inhuman pace. The Guardian of Earth had caved and ordered for his own Gravity Chamber from Capsule Corps. The supercentenarian was determined to at least be in the top 10 of the fighters on the planet. Piccolo just wanted to be as strong as me, his hero. I sparred frequently with the two, and found myself taking time to play with the younger, developing a real friendship with the Namekian youth. As he went through the accelerated development of his species, he 'matured' to a 'teenager' within a couple years. When I deemed him ready, I invited him down to the surface, so he could learn more about the planet he was born to protect. He got along great with me and my friends, especially with Bulma and Chi-Chi. Bulma discovered a keen intelligence between those pointy ears and tutored Piccolo in science until the two were having long, drawn out debates about theory and experiments. Piccolo also proved to have a domestic side, asking Chi-Chi on how to make clothes the 'old-fashioned' way. I often walked in on the two of them with needles and thread, making new capes and gi's to fit Piccolo as he grew to his adult height in fits and spurts.

Bulma had a weird little smile on her face one day after Piccolo visited. "So, Piccolo's nice."

"Oh yeah, he's a good kid," I agreed.

"I looked up Namekians in the Archive. Fascinating species. They live on just water, you know. They can process a Senzu bean or other solids in a pinch, but for the most part they live off liquids."

"Yep, pretty neat," I said distractedly, cleaning up the living room after the impromptu hanging out session we'd had that afternoon.

"They're hermaphroditic too. Not only can they reproduce asexually through eggs, but sexually with compatible species."

"Huh. You learn something new every day."

Bulma sighed. "You're an idiot."

I blinked. "We've established that, but what brought this on?"

"Nothing. Nothing. Oh, I need to call the florist about the centerpieces."

I blinked after her. "Okay… what was that about?"

Before I knew it, it was September 1st, 755. I was in the middle of an intense workout in the Gravity Chamber, the gravity set to conditions roughly that of the core of a star. I was really stretching my muscles, exercising while in Super Saiyan Ape 2. I looked damn badass in this form, if I do say so myself. My hair turned Super Saiyan blonde. My eyes were an acid green as if the yellow of Super Saiyan Ape and the turquoise of Super Saiyan had merged. My muscles bulged even more, yet remained small enough not to impact my speed. And the fur that covered my body had gone from red to a burnt orange. I imagine that if and when I achieved Super Saiyan Ape 3, I would be blonde all over. But that day was a long way off. I was only about a fifth of a way into mastering the 1000x multiplier form.

In the middle of my jumping one-legged squats, the lights began to flash red. I paused, turning towards the door. Why would someone interrupt me? Had something happened? I wordlessly reverted to my base form, dropping the Mass Magnifier as the room's gravity augmentation vanished. If I hadn't, my aura would have surged outwards without the weight pressing it down and possibly damaged the Chamber.

Bulma walked in, smile on her face. "Hey, Goku. I wanted to talk to you about the wishes tomorrow."

"Hey, babe," I said, coming over to kiss her cheek. She'd gotten over her aversion to touching me when I was all sweaty from a workout. Now she found it sexy instead of gross. Women change for love, too. "What is it? It must be important."

"Goku, you've been in here for 8 hours already, it wouldn't kill you to take a break." Bulma handed over a piece of paper, a low-tech way of keeping the wishes secret. Bulma, in a touch of paranoia, had set her supercomputers to scrubbing the internet of any reference to the Dragon Balls, Shenron, or wish-granting magic. The only computer with any information on them was the Archive, which spent all its time locked in the Inner Sanctum.

I unfolded the sheet, reading Bulma's precise handwriting. "Soul marks? Aren't those a trope from romantic fiction?"

Bulma shrugged. "Sure, it's a little girly. But an easy way for everyone to find their soulmate, or even mates as the case may be, should make everyone happy."

"Yeah, except for the couples that won't have matching tattoos." I smiled at her and moved down to the second wish. I blinked. "Protect the solar system with the same magic as Earth? Are we sure that counts as just one wish?"

"Can't hurt to ask. If it turns out Shenron can't do it, just protect the moon. It has the largest colony, has the most lives to lose should something happen. Protecting Venus and Mars and even the Sun can come next year."

"Sensible." My eyes tracked to the last line. My tail stopped its absent-minded swaying.

"I wanted to discuss it with you," Bulma said.

I sighed, conflicted. "It's a nice gesture. But is it really a priority?"

"We've been selfless for years, we can afford a selfish wish. And when you think about it, this isn't even that self-serving. It's bringing an amazing, fascinating species back from the brink of extinction." Bulma grinned. "Plus, I want my parents-in-law to be at my wedding."

"What makes you so sure that the wish will apply to them?"

Bulma cupped my face and grinned. "They made you."

And so it was, that the next day, my third wish was "I wish for all good-hearted Saiyans killed by the PTO and Frieza to be resurrected here on Earth."

Shenron nodded " **Your wish is granted** ," he said, before vanishing. I caught the Balls in less than a second, returning to the Lookout before any of the new occupants noticed. I surveyed the crowd of people, which was disturbingly small. I knew that Saiyans were a savage and war-like people, but less than a hundred meeting the standards of Shenron's magic was a bit depressing.

"Everyone!" I shouted, flaring my aura so that they all could feel the force of my power. Heads went down and tails curled between legs. I was a bit surprised at the response. I'd half expected having to beat them all into submission, not scaring them into not even fighting with a little flex. "I understand you might be confused, but everything will be explained."

"What the hell's going on?" questioned the man at the front, one of the few to not bow down.

I walked forward to face him. It was like looking in a mirror. He had a few scars, and a much more hostile aura, but we were clearly related. "I just brought you all back to life… Dad."

The man's eyes widened. "... Kakarot?"

I shrugged. "I go by Goku, these days. But you can call me that if you really want. It's the name you and Mom gave me."

"Kakarot?" asked a woman, walking forward from where she'd been cowering behind Bardock.

I smiled, tail wagging. I had never seen her before, but a small part of me seemed to recognize her. "Hey, Mom."

"Oh, Kakarot!" she rushed forward, hugging me. I cradled her as she sobbed into my shoulder. Bardock seemed embarrassed at the show of emotion, but he didn't try to stop her. "My boy! My baby boy! You're all grown up! Oh, this is a miracle. How did this even happen?"

"It's a long story," I said, pitching my voice so most of them could hear me. "The short version is, Earth has these magical items called Dragon Balls that grant wishes. I wished for all the good Saiyans killed by Frieza to be revived." I looked them over. "It looks like this is it."

Bardock shrugged. "I recognize some of these men and women. They were from the servile caste, those deemed too weak to serve in the Army. Their hands aren't stained with blood, it makes sense that they would count as 'good'. It's a wonder how I'm here."

"Or us," spoke up a man with a long face and spiked-up hair. Next to him stood a Saiyan woman in a leotard, a man with the build of a sumo wrestler, and a hulking giant.

Bardock's eyes lit up. "Tora! Fasha! Shugesh! Borgos!" He seemed to 'recover' from his emotional outburst and adopted a stern expression. "Nice to see you alive."

"Captain!" they all saluted.

I chuckled. "Are all Saiyans emotionally constipated or is that just Dad?"

"A little of both, dear," Gine replied.

I had them all fly with me to a colony Bulma had already set up in a mountainous desert, a region most closely resembling Planet Vegeta. It proved sadly too large for the party, but that just meant there was room to grow. Everyone had their pick of the houses, and each came with their own Gravity Gym and a selection of Gravity Belts. Most of the Saiyans happily put them on, feeling 'uncomfortable' in such low gravity.

As things settled down, the colony of New Sadala proved to be unobtrusive neighbors to Earthlings. Most of the reborn aliens were gentle-natured and were content to enjoy this second shot at life. They took up hobbies, what with all the food and other resources being provided by Capsule Corps. The others, chief among them my dad and his team, couldn't sit still without going insane. They trained for long hours in their Gravity Gyms, and had colosseum-like battles once a month. Bardock was the undisputed champion, except when I decided to join in. It was nice to have sparring partners as nuts for combat as I was.

I was something of a Messiah-like figure, much as I tried to present myself as just a normal guy and friend. Not only had I brought them all back from the dead, but I was ridiculously strong. I had lost my sense of perspective, but Bardock had been considered elite with a PL of 10k. I was over 10M and closing in on 20M every day. Let's just say I always was greeted with a smile and got anything I asked for.

As they settled in and started to think of themselves as actually 'living' on Earth, their soul marks came in. The soul marks had become something of a culture since their arrival. They appeared as tattoos etched over the heart, with two or more symbolic representations of the people who shared them. Some people swore by them, refusing to even date anyone except their match. Others discounted the whole thing, insisting on being with whoever they wanted and damn these weird magic bits of ink. Capsule Corps, naturally, set up a database of willing volunteers to help match up the billions who suddenly had a sure-fire way of finding their perfect half, or thirds, or even more. The existence of multiple matches led to a surge in public awareness and acceptance of polyamory, as well as new laws to redefine the structure of family and next of kin.

The Dragon team, as we had taken to calling ourselves, were not unaffected. Bulma, Chi-Chi, and I naturally had matching marks. Ours was of a man inside a fiery corona, with a brain the same blue as Bulma's hair and an ox head with a tiara surrounding it on marked orbits. It looked like a model of a solar system, making Bulma's metaphor for our relationship very apt. Bulma was confident that additions to the mark would happen over time; due to the wording of the wish, only those that were physically mature and considered themselves denizens of Earth were affected by the magic. Given that everyone was functionally immortal, that meant quite a few May-December romances might prove to be the real thing as time went on, which I'm sure would cause controversy on the world stage, but that was an issue for another time. Tien and Chiaotzu got married soon after, a small affair with just us and a wedding cake shaped like their mark: a mime with three eyes. Yamcha and Launch had a messy break-up over the fact that she didn't have a mark, which meant one of two things: her match was still a kid or an alien. Krillin didn't bother looking up his match just yet, not ready to settle down. Master Roshi took the fact he didn't have a mark as an excuse to continue his usual womanizing. Ox-King and Grandpa Gohan, as it turned out, shared a mark with Fortuneteller Baba. The three were currently dating, and she had moved her castle next door to theirs.

"You know, there's something a bit weird about this whole eternal youth thing," Chi-Chi spoke up one day, when the three of us were enjoying a picnic in a park.

"What's that, doll?" I asked, looking up from her lap.

"I'm probably going to have half-siblings younger than my children." Chi-Chi combed her hands through my hair.

Bulma patted her shoulder. "There, there, dear. I know the idea of parents having sex is icky. But it's beautiful… in its own way. Just focus on the positive: your family is growing, and there will be someone new to love." Bulma chuckled. "Not just for you, but for Goku here. If Gine isn't pregnant at the wedding, I'll burn my dress. They're all over each other, from what I can tell."

"I hope it's a girl," I said idly. "I already have a brother out there. A little sister would be nice."

"Of course he doesn't have a problem with it," Chi-Chi muttered to herself.

"Let me take your mind off it," Bulma said, leaning in for a kiss. We'd introduced the idea of intimacy between the two, and Chi-Chi wasn't opposed to it. They mostly did it to rile me up, because it had a serious effect on me. Case in point, I growled low in my throat, split into a Multiform, and leapt at the two.

The 23rd World Martial Arts Tournament had a record low attendance of 72. Rather than fear over the whole King Piccolo murder spree, it seemed to be because people knew I would be attending. With a proud smirk, Bulma explained that she had leaked a few of my 'low-key' workouts on the internet, showing me moving faster than the eye could see and throwing energy blasts like they were free candy. When I asked why she would do such a thing, she got a fire in her eyes. "I'm not going to let that Mr. Satan poser take all the credit in this timeline. If anyone is getting hailed as a hero and getting cities named after him, it's my future baby-daddy!" I just nodded, afraid of setting her off further. With the wedding just a couple days away, she was extremely high-strung.

Anyway, the preliminaries were short this year. In the spirit of fairness, Chiaotzu didn't rig the drawing this time. I fought my way to the top, naturally, and the others did their best with who they got. The line-up was a bit different from what I 'remembered'. For one thing, Dr. Gero was on parole and happily working as a consultant at Capsule Corps; I had used the CC on him personally. He was ethically working on bio-android research as the next stage in evolution, and was one of the few Bulma and Dr. Briefs could carry an actual conversation with. The point of all this was that Mercenary Tao was still getting meals through a straw in prison, so he wasn't there. And Chi-Chi, while health conscious, had no desire to fight. Bardock and his team had entered, though, and were finding themselves pleasantly surprised at the quality of Earth's fighters. Kami and Piccolo had arrived as well, eager to test how their training had gone. Master Roshi opted out, acknowledging that he was out of his weight class.

The top 8 came down to Chiaotzu vs. Tien, me vs. Kami, Krillin vs. Piccolo, and Yamcha vs. Bardock. The other four members of the Planet Elite Force had fought valiantly, and within an inch of breaking tournament rules, but the Dragon Team had beat them down. As 'friends of the company', they all had state-of-the-art Gravity gear, and most of them were in the 6-digit PL club. Even with Zenkai boosts from brutal fights allowed by Sage Pills (a handy replacement for rejuvenation pods, I'd been told), the Saiyans lost since most of them were brawlers with no technique to speak of going up against trained martial artists. The exception was my Dad, whom I personally sparred with once a week and pushed himself the hardest out of all of them. I felt sorry for Yamcha.

"Please tell me your dad knows the meaning of the word restraint," Bulma begged me when she came to visit before the quarterfinals.

"Not as well as you would hope. He's a born and raised Saiyan. If he doesn't give his all, it doesn't count as a fight," I answered.

Bulma got alarmingly red, before she took a deep, cleansing breath and let it out. "Fine. It's fine. We could use a bigger arena anyway."

The Announcer hyped us up before the matches started. Bardock seemed to get a following just because he was my dad. Then the fights began. Tien managed to defeat his husband, winning something I would guess based on the blush he got after Chiaotzu whispered in his ear. Kami and I bowed to each other, grins on our faces, before facing off. This was the first tournament where I wasn't using Gravity gear; I'd decided it would be an insult to the other fighters now that they were at such a high level. I'd match their PL and win with technique, I had decided. The Guardian of Earth proved his might and mastery of fighting, but all my experience with Bulma's droids and the other fighters proved its worth. Piccolo proved to be a fast learner and dedicated disciple of my teachings, managing to beat Krillin and make it look easy. Yamcha reached the achievement of lasting a full minute against Bardock, before being going into shock from so many broken bones.

I made sure Yamcha got his Sage Pill soon after, and then spent the time leading up to the semi-finals cooing at my mom's baby bump. Bardock looked liable to crawl out of his skin at his son behaving so 'emotional' (he said the word like it was a curse word).

Tien was easily the most powerful human on the planet… which unfortunately for him didn't do much against the most powerful Saiyan. We had a good proper rematch, and I finally took him down with a pressure point barrage. We shook hands afterwards, which got real cheers and camera flashes from the crowd. Piccolo and Bardock had a real knock-down, bare-knuckle fight; somehow, they'd gotten it into their heads that this was a showdown between Namekian and Saiyan. Slug went up against monkey, both putting on a real showing, especially since both had a PL of over 1M. Bardock finally won more from luck than anything, tackling Piccolo and managing to force him to fall on the ground outside the arena while my dad flew just enough not to touch it and get a double knockout.

I comforted my protege with a hug, while Bulma gave him a Sage Water and Chi-Chi wiped his sweaty face. Bardock seemed a bit put out that we were showering attention on the loser instead of the winner, but Gine managed to distract him with the baby kicking.

"Can't believe I lost from a damn ring-out. I can fly!" Piccolo grumbled.

"It's okay, you were both pretty exhausted by that point, dumb mistakes will happen," I said reassuringly.

"What matters is that you did your best!" Chi-Chi chirped.

"Come on, drink this and you'll feel better," Bulma prompted.

Piccolo took the liquid with the Senzu extract added and guzzled it down. "Ah, that hits the spot!"

We all paused, aware of an itching sensation on our chests. Bulma got a triumphant grin and manic gleam in her eyes. "Yes! I knew it, I knew it, I knew it!"

"What was that?" Piccolo asked, pulling aside his gi to look down at her left pectoral.

Chi-Chi and I gasped. It was the mark we knew so well, with a new addition: a green slub with a turban on the third orbit around the 'sun' or me.

Bulma was already pulling out her phone. "We'll need to rush order your tuxedo. Good thing you're marrying into obscene wealth!"

"Wait, wait, what are you talking about?" demanded the Namekian that, apparently, had just reached physical maturity.

I grinned and, on impulse, leaned in to plant a kiss on that sharp green cheek. "It means that you're part of the family, Piccolo. You're stuck with the three of us forever."

Chi-Chi was chuckling. "And here I was thinking you'd be the perfect babysitter. Turns out you'll be making babies with the rest of us!"

I left Chi-Chi to comforting Piccolo through a small nervous breakdown while Bulma coordinated last-minute wedding alterations. I stepped out onto the arena, which had taken a real beating so far. My dad stood opposite me.

"So I take it that some of my grandkids will be green?" he asked neutrally.

I smiled at him, too high on life from the new revelation to worry whether he approved or not. "Yep!"

"Congratulations, I guess. To each his own. Now, let's fight the way Saiyans were meant to!"

We started off at full speed and didn't let up. The video cameras had trouble picking up on us even with frame-by-frame analysis. I was told that later a team of animators pieced it all together to make a movie for the world to watch and be amazed by. Dad and I spent about ten minutes trying to beat the crap out of each other, with me mostly blocking his obviously telegraphed moves and him wildly dodging my own counterattacks. About ten minutes in, he got desperate and sent up a Moon Ball. I shrugged and followed after him in transforming into an Oozaru. He'd probably been banking on having more control, but he was sadly disappointed. It was the first time in decades that two Oozaru fought with actual technique and self-control. I finally sent an energy blast out my mouth up at the artificial disc when Dad seemed to be losing it, pounding him down into a crater of the arena as we phased back. The terrified but brave Announcer made it all the way to '9' in his countdown when Bardock roared "I… will… not… LOSE!" and went Super Saiyan. My response was to go Kaio-ken x 5 and put him in a chokehold. No need to have him go crazy on the surge of energy and cause even more damage.

I was declared the winner for the third time in a row. Sadly, the only ones there to witness it was the shaking Announcer, the aliens, and the Dragon team. Everyone else had fled once the giant monsters started throwing around destructive blasts.

"As I expected. It'll be cheaper to just tear what's left down and build a new arena. And this one will be sized for the crowds and designed to handle this level of punishment! Heed my words, I WILL keep getting my data and my money!" Bulma roared, crushing her cell phone into parts in her grip.

"Now might be the time to release that book, honey," I said from a safe distance. "Maybe if everyone had ki, the results wouldn't be so… predictable. And it would make things more interesting for the crowd AND get you more data for your research."

"That's actually a good idea. And it'll give people time to learn while the new arena is built and we get used to being parents. Which sounds like a better title: _Forgotten Art_ or _Groundbreaking Science_?"

Chi-Chi spoke up. "I like the second one. It's appropriate, considering that it will be teaching people how to break the ground."

"I'm getting married tomorrow," Piccolo said in a daze.

I hugged him from the side. "Yep. And admit it, you love us, it's not that bad. We're going to be an awesome family! How about I be 'daddy' and you be 'papa'?"

Dad was still fuming to the side. He'd finally achieved Super Saiyan, something legendary for our people, and I'd immediately beaten him down without even transforming. Gine was chuckling at his grumbling and beaming at my own happiness. "Oh, this is just so perfect! If only Radditz could be here."

I looked over at her. 'And he will be' I thought to myself, 'In about 65 months.'

A lot could happen in almost five and a half years…

* * *

 **And there you go. Yes, Piccolo is in the harem. Ever since I found out about Namekian biology, confirmed by Word of God from Toriyama, I haven't been able to see Piccolo as a man. I see him as just a really masculine Futa. And this way, he'll have an excuse for being like a second father to Goku's kids. Next chapter will be mostly filler, leading up to the Z saga. I hope everyone found something they liked. Please review and be patient for the next update. Happy Thanksgiving to my American friends!**


	5. Chapter 5

I woke up, and realized something. "It's my wedding day."

Which explained why I was alone in my bed. Bulma had insisted on us not seeing each other after midnight until the ceremony.

"What to do, what to do…" I mused aloud. "... Oh, who am I kidding? I'm training until it's time and then I'm hitting the shower and getting dressed."

Apparently, I was predictable, because I found a note slid under the door.

"Dear Goku, I know that you'll want to be using the Gravity Chamber. I've already warmed it up and given a slight upgrade to the drones. I've also programmed it to turn off at 2:00. That gives you an hour to get showered and show up at the museum. The attendants will guide you to where you're supposed to be. Love you, Bulma. P.S. If tonight doesn't make the top three, I'm replacing you with a robot. Don't strain anything." I chuckled. "Classic Bulma."

I navigated through the chaos of staff running around to make it to the Gravity Chamber. I went in and immediately cranked it to the max of 1000 G's, using the Mass Magnifier to triple it. Challenging, but not really pushing it either. Had to keep in shape for the wedding night, after all! Wife's orders.

I spent a good six hours working on my katas and form, sparring with the drones at gravities they could function at and meditating while under pressure. A gentle workout, at least by my standards. True to her word, the lights flashed red at two hours past noon. I was surprised to hear a recording; I hadn't realized the place had speakers. Must have been recently added.

"Hey, my monkey man. I'm sure you've had fun since you woke up this morning. Now get clean, slip that sexy ass into your tuxedo, and fly or teleport or whatever to the wedding. Remember, in just two hours, I'll be Mrs. Son Goku. Oh, and Chi-Chi and Piccolo will be there too. Hop to it, soldier!"

I chuckled. "Yes, ma'am," I said to the room.

I took a shower in our obscenely over-large bathroom, enjoying the jets from four different directions as well as the ceiling. And somehow, it actually saved water. Don't ask me how it worked, that was for geniuses like my fiance, soon to be wife. I dried off with my ki trick, and then went through the laborious process of slipping into my wedding suit without breaking or tearing anything. It had been expertly tailored, I was just bad with fancy clothes.

Once I'd put everything on in the right order and slotted every button and clasp into its slot, I looked in the mirror.

"Damn. Not bad," I marveled. I cut an impressive figure, if I do say so myself. Bulma and her wardrobe team had found a way to emphasize my warrior build while still managing to look gentlemanly and clean-cut. I'd look worthy of being next to the visions that would be Bulma and Chi-Chi. And I'm sure, even brought in at the last second, Piccolo would be very handsome.

I mused on my feelings for the green Earth-born alien as I idly flew to the museum where the wedding would take place. He was a good friend, one of my best. I'd loved him in my own way, mostly as family. And then the mark had appeared and I had to reexamine my feelings. I realized that our spars left me feeling warm afterwards, as I took pride as a teacher as well as enjoyment from an honest challenge. I remembered how he had fit so easily into things with me and the girls, as if that's where he'd always belonged. As for sex, I admit I was a little weirded out by 'him' also being a 'her' at the same time. But Bulma had gotten me to look at futanari porn when she'd tried to talk me into pegging. It was basically the same thing, and I was pretty sure that I'd be 'topping' for the most part. That was just part of my personality; I didn't like not being in charge. I could give up power for the ones I loved, but the instances would be few and far between. And I could hardly feel jealous for another cock going into 'my' women when I let my Multiforms do it. Sure, I got all their memories at the end, but it was still something to adjust to, seeing 'another' man with the one you love.

In the end, it wasn't that big a deal. I'd be having babies with Bulma, Chi-Chi, AND Piccolo. And Bulma and Chi-Chi just might have babies with Piccolo some day. In either case, I'd love the children as my own, because they came from those I loved.

I touched down outside the Capsule Institution, a museum that technically wasn't open to the public yet. Bulma wasn't going to settle for a venue that was close enough to her standards when she had the money to just build her own. And when the museum opened, it would be the largest and have the most diverse collection in the world, including an entire wing of extraterrestrial art lifted from the Archive. She'd gotten three different world-famous architects to collaborate on the design. It was a thing of beauty, as much a piece of artwork as those stashed inside it.

"Ah, Mr. Son. We've been expecting you." A man in a suit and wearing a headset walked up to me. "You're needed in the main atrium. T-minus 22 minutes to first processional, plenty of time but no need to lollygag either."

I walked through a glass pyramid into the main hall, complete with grand staircase leading up to the other two floors. I was politely herded to a spot at the end of a white carpet beneath an arch made of crystal flowers. I smiled at the reference to Bulma's engagement ring. I'd given Piccolo's his yesterday after the Tournament and before the rehearsal dinner. It was a gold band with an amethyst set in the center and diamonds along the band, in keeping with his favorite color. I'd also made sure it was a masculine size and reinforced to be a miniature brass knuckle, so it was practical as well as beautiful.

"Ah, Goku, my boy. I was getting worried you wouldn't show up," spoke up Grandpa Gohan. Most people just called him Gohan once he became young again like most of the world's population, but he would always be a grandfather to me. "Thank you for making me your best man. I'm touched, truly I am."

"Well, who else would it be?" I hugged the man who raised me, keeping an eye on my birth father loitering in the seats. Gine had her hand on his arm, so I assumed he would be civil throughout the ceremony. It was the other Saiyans I invited that I was really worried about. Thankfully, alcohol would be kept from being served until after the ceremony, so we shouldn't have to worry on that front.

"I'm so proud of you. You've become a fine young man, about to marry three amazing people. I'm sure you'll be a spectacular husband and terrific father one day."

"You'll babysit whenever we ask, right?"

Gohan nodded, blushing a bit. "Yep. Just might give Baba the nudge she needs to consider it. She's oddly against the whole institution of parenthood."

I passed the time chatting with Grandpa, nodding and waving to my friends in the crowd. Between the whole colony of New Sadala, the top brass of Capsule Corps and their families, the nobility of the Ox Kingdom and the Dragon Team, there were over three hundred guests.

And then signals were exchanged by the staff, the officiant took his place next to me, and the choir began to sing.

Bulma walked down the aisle first, in a strapless ballgown that flowed around her like a cloud. Dr. Briefs gently laid her hand in mine before taking his seat. Second came Chi-Chi, in a conservative dress that covered her in white satin and gave her the appearance of an Angel descended from Heaven. The Ox-King was already blubbering like a baby as he gave his little girl over to me, but Chi-Chi didn't seem to notice, so focused was she on me. And finally, Piccolo came down the white carpet, accompanied by Kami, in a snow-white tuxedo that highlighted his tall, lean frame. Kami gave his son over with a peaceful smile, Piccolo swallowing nervously as he took his place beside Chi-Chi and Bulma.

The ceremony was basically each of us making our individual vows followed by a brief exchange of kisses and then that was it. I vowed to "love, honor, cherish, and protect each of you with every breath in my body and every drop of my blood, as long as we all shall live." Bulma gave a rather humorous speech about how she'd never make us breakfast in bed or do our laundry, but she'd always be ready to pay someone to do it for us. Chi-Chi gave a rather emotional speech about true love and swore to adore and obey me until her dying day. Piccolo, who only had a few hours to come up with his vows, managed a bit about friendship becoming something more and how he'd always covet that bond. Then we exchanged wedding bands, I kissed the three of them individually, and like that we were a married quad. Taking Bulma's arm and Piccolo taking Chi-Chi's, we walked down the aisle and out the doors. A crowd of those invited who'd already left the ceremony and other well-wishers cheered us, showering us with rice and birdseed as we walked into a hover-limo.

I sighed and opened the minibar to start on the salted cashews. "Well, that was oddly draining. It's exhausting to bear your heart in front of a room full of people."

Bulma popped the bottle of iced champagne. "Who cares? We're a married quartet now! The finest catered and planned reception in history is waiting for us, and then it's a month at my family's villa in the tropics!"

Piccolo loosened his bowtie. "I feel dehydrated after that. I was sweating so much. Overnight, you guys have gone from my friends to my life partners. I still have whiplash from how fast this went."

"You got the soul mark, the conclusion was inevitable," Chi-Chi argued, detaching her veil from her elaborate hairdo. "Look at it this way, you were part of the original marriage pact. If and when Goku makes some alien princess or divine being fall for him, they'll have to be added in. Much more secure to be one of the original three, in my mind."

I blushed. "I'm perfectly content with just the four of us for now. Any future additions to the family, we'll figure out as they happen."

The limo, having been moving the whole time we were talking, settled down just outside the banquet hall, the largest and most expensive in the city. Bulma had spared no expense on her, excuse me, our special day. The West City Philharmonic was our band, the five most famous chefs in the world had been hired to coordinate the menu, and a master of ceremonies for a traveling circus was going to manage the whole affair.

We followed the event staff to a waiting room, where we'd wait until the guests had all arrived and been seated before making our grand entrance. I eyed the closed doors and turned to give my new brides and groom a lurid eyebrow wiggle. "So, how'd you like our first time as married pairs? Romantic lovemaking under the moonlight on the honeymoon, or quickie in the reception hall closet?"

Bulma grinned saucily. "What do you think? Quickie, of course."

Chi-Chi blushed. "Um, well, it's just that I've been waiting so long for this…" she dithered.

Piccolo gulped but shrugged. "Sure, why not? I'm curious what it feels like when it's not my own prick in there."

We all paused to look at him. "Wait, you can do that?" I asked incredulously. "Cause that's even better than blowing yourself. Which I can just barely do, by the way. Thank you, flexibility training."

Piccolo blushed. "I was a horny adolescent with nothing but my dad and an asexual djinn for company. I got creative. Blame whatever God made my species hermaphrodites."

I shrugged and made two Multiforms. I led Chi-Chi and Piccolo off to their own closets while Bulma and I settled on the first one we found. The next five minutes were a steamy, mutually pleasurable romp with my pants around my ankles and her dress hiked up to her waist. My Saiyan cock plowed her human pussy with sure familiarity, driving us to a shared orgasm. I leaned my forehead against hers afterwards, still balls-deep inside her. "I love you, Mrs. Son."

"And I love you, Mr. Son," Bulma purred back. "You know, I stopped taking my birth control a week ago. We may have just conceived our first child."

"That's the plan. I'm not resting over the honeymoon until all three of you are implanted with my babies. We're going to have a big family, and the sooner we start the better," I said with a steamy grin.

"You were serious when you said you wanted over a dozen kids between the three of us, weren't you?" Bulma asked as she pulled away from my embrace, straightening her dress and giving no sign my seed was dripping down her legs underneath.

"Again, endangered species, love. Plus, it's not like we can't afford a whole bushel of them. I plan to keep the three of you barefoot and pregnant for the rest of the century," I said huskily as I used a handkerchief to wipe off my dick and tuck myself back in my pants.

We came out of the closet and were joined by our other two spouses and my Multiforms. I got a smug grin when I saw their dopey grins. "So, how was it?" I asked even as I assimilated my Multiforms and found out for myself.

"We are doing that again. And again and again, for the rest of time," Chi-Chi said with a slightly manic gleam to her eye. I had the sudden feeling I'd just introduced a junkie to their preferred drug.

Piccolo smirked and shrugged nonchalantly. "It's a pleasant form of exercise, I'll admit. It'll be nice to settle spars like that in the future."

One of the attendants Bulma hired opened the main door then. "We're ready for you, Messers and Misses Son."

"Perfect timing," I crowed as I hooked an arm with Bulma and Chi-Chi while the latter hooked one with Piccolo. "Let's greet our guests and get this party started."

The reception was a blast, naturally. Chalk one up to the power of Bulma's checkbook and meticulous planning. There were dance numbers, 12 courses, entertainment acts, and a number of embarrassing toasts from our friends and family. As I'd feared, the Saiyan contingent of the audience proved quite rowdy, but I was too buzzed on champagne and deluxe food to care. Anything they broke would just be charged to my new wife's bottomless pockets. Baba and Gine ended up catching the bouquets, earning them panicked looks from their respective significant others. Guess technically my dad had never married my mom, just grabbed her one day and declared her his mate, which was as close to marriage as Saiyan culture got.

At the end of the night, we stopped in a closet to actually change into our honeymoon clothes and, under another round of rice and birdseed, made it to the hover-limo outside. It led us to an airport, and there we hopped on the Capsule Corps private jet which would take us to our honeymoon destination in the South Seas. The flight was quick, the top-of-the-line engines no joke, and I swept my three new spouses into bridal carries as me and my Multiforms walked from the private airstrip to the massive villa that belonged to Bulma's family.

The next thirty days dissolved into a blur of sea, sand, and sex. Robots cooked and cleaned for us so there was nothing wrong with all of us wandering around naked full-time. I took each of my wives and husband whenever I pleased, to their often vocal approval and encouragement. When we weren't screwing like bunnies on meth, we were playing in the ocean, on the beach, or just lounging indoors.

The evening before we were set to return, I paused in sipping my piña colada and grinned. "Congratulations, the four of us. We're all going to be parents in about nine months. You're all pregnant."

"Really?" Chi-Chi asked breathlessly, her eyes alight with maternal glee.

"Wondered why you started allowing me to fuck the girls," Piccolo mused, rubbing his stomach where his oversensitive body informed him a zygote was gestating.

"I just wanted dibs on the firstborns. We can leave it up to chance now," I told my Namekian lover.

Bulma grinned. "Well, you fulfilled the original purpose of a honeymoon. Northern tribes used to lock newlyweds up for a month and wait for her to get pregnant so they could be certain who the father was. As if there were any doubt who was going to knock us up. I think my snatch has seen over a gallon of your cum this month."

"What can I say? Saiyan stamina and virility. And since I'm already a Super Saiyan 3, these babies will be born with a high amount of S-cells. They might just be born able to sit up and fly," I said dreamily as I imagined little bundles of joy with Saiyan hair.

Bulma and Chi-Chi exchanged looks. "Guess it's a good thing we got Kami on the list of babysitters. He's the strongest after you two and Bardock. He can have fun chasing them down when they fly away from getting a clean diaper put on or break the bath throwing a tantrum," Bulma mused.

"I find it odd, the idea that my newborn will probably be born stronger than me due to his or her genes," Chi-Chi mused as she chewed on a piece of fruit on the skewer of her cocktail stick.

"Father will be happy to come down and look after them. He gets lonely up there on his Lookout, even with me there. And now I won't be living up there anymore," Piccolo explained, taking a sip of ice water.

"So, bit early to ask, but how soon you want the ones after this batch?" Bulma asked me.

I shrugged. "We'll just have sex when it feels right and let biology take its course. We're effectively immortal, after all, it's not like there's a rush to fill the Mansion with an avalanche of tiny feet. We can go a few years between each pregnancy easy. It's not like there's a time limit on repopulating the Saiyans."

"Speaking of, when's your little sibling due?" Chi-Chi asked curiously.

"September, so still a couple months off," I answered my gentlest spouse. I looked up at the sky, where the night stars were beginning to come out. "Shame Radditz won't meet him or her for years to come."

"Well, he's off massacring 'lesser' lifeforms for the PTO. When he arrives, you'll give him a quick CC and he'll be good as new," Piccolo assured me.

"By the time he arrives, you just might be a living, breathing God among mortals," Bulma teased.

I rolled my eyes. "Babe, I haven't even transformed into Super Saiyan God yet. And when I do, it could take decades to get the conversion rate all the way to 100%. I doubt I'll manage it in the next five years."

"But with your work ethic, you'll get it done. And you'll have your apotheosis and become a true divine being. Neither a God of Creation or Destruction, but a neutral player on the heavenly board," Bulma mused as she chewed on her straw. "And I bet you anal to pegging that you do have it done by the time Radditz gets here."

"That's a hard bargain, Son Bulma," I pursed my lips, Chi-Chi and Piccolo watching our banter with amusement. "Can I use the HTC?"

"Only for one day. That gives you six years instead of five to master the SSG transformation," Bulma counter-offered.

"Done. I feel sorry for your ass, dear. You'll be cleaning bits of my cum from your colon when I'm done," I said with a cheeky grin.

"Remind me, what's next on your training schedule, besides working the kinks out of Super Saiyan 3 and discovering God form?" Chi-Chi inquired.

"Super Saiyan Ape 3, Super Saiyan Blue, Oozaru God, possibly attempting to create Super Saiyan 4. And if I manage all that, Super Saiyan Mega: all three transformations at once." I sighed. "Saiyans are crazy powerful once you know the trick to our transformations."

"And don't forget the possible pinnacle of your transformations: Ultra Instinct Super Saiyan Mega 4. If you ever master that, you'll have more power in your little finger than the rest of the Universe combined," Piccolo mused, eyes off on some distant future where I attained such an outlandish transformation.

I shrugged and chugged down the last of my drink. "Whatever. That's all years down the line. Here and now, I have three sexy partners that need a good dose of Son loving."

Suffice to say we didn't get much talking done the rest of the night.

We returned home the next day, and life as the Son Family began to find its groove. Bulma continued to do her research with the Archive and general experimentation. Chi-Chi was in full pregnancy mode, knitting and sewing enough baby clothes to open her own boutique and faithfully keeping up with every prenatal appointment. Piccolo was at a bit of a loss. He couldn't train without risking the pregnancy, so he helped Chi-Chi in her nesting rampage and tried to find hobbies to occupy his time. He wound up finding Bulma's draft for Groundbreaking Science and edited it so it was much easier to read for a layman. Bulma declared that Piccolo was a genius with words and should become an editor or maybe even a writer. Piccolo refused though, content to be a simple bookworm, working his way through the Briefs Mansion's massive library.

Meanwhile, I was training like a maniac as always. Other than forrays to my friends and family to keep in touch, I ate, slept, and breathed training. I was just putting the final touches on the Super Saiyan 3 transformation when I finally had the critical breakthrough in converting my mortal ki into divine ki.

I stood patiently as Bulma walked around me with sensor probes as my newly ruby hair moved in the invisible wind given off by my aura. She regarded the scan results on her tablet even as I let the oddly draining transformation go. "Well, you're PL was roughly 15 billion, or over 100 of Frieza. But divine ki is 50,000 times more potent than mortal ki, so that means only 300k of your reserves was actually coming through. With a baseline of 30M PL, that gives you a starting rate of exactly 1 percent."

I shrugged. "Least it wasn't half a percent. Now time for me to work on our deal."

"I'll keep my strap-on ready in case you fail to make the time limit, stud," Bulma teased me. She'd let the confidence of her pregnancy boobs really go to her head.

I spent my one day in the HTC next day to give me a headstart. I got the conversion rate all the way up to 40% in my time inside. In theory, I had just spent all my available time in the Hyperbolic Time Chamber. But a few pages printed from the Archive, and Kami managed to adjust the room so anyone could enter an unlimited number of times for an unlimited amount of time.

That was the first year we didn't summon Shenron. There simply weren't any more wishes we could think of. The Dragon Balls would remain on lock in the Briefs Inner Sanctum, where no one but the Dragon team would have access to them. Nevertheless, September proved a momentous occasion in any case. At 6 pounds 11 ounces, baby Parnip was brought into the world, a healthy Saiyan boy. His Power Level at birth was over 20,000, which made him stronger than even Prince Vegeta if my future memories still proved accurate. Not too surprising, given his father's PL at his conception was roughly 1M. Still, Bardock was slightly put out his newborn son was twice as strong as he was upon dying.

A few months later, the Dragon team and the Bardock family all gathered at the Briefs Mansion for Yule. Parnip, already able to walk at 3 months old, marveled at the tree and all the moving ornaments festooned upon it.

"This is what you have to look forward to," Bardock told me as Gine foisted my baby brother smelling to high heaven into his father's arms.

I grinned and looked at my three mates, all of whom were entering the third trimester. "Can't wait!"

"Goku! Get my juice," Piccolo whined piteously from the beanbag chair he'd gotten stuck in.

"Right away, handsome!" I answered as I grabbed the canteen filled with the special cocktail and handed it to my sluglike spouse.

"What's in that?" Chiaotzu asked with his disconcerting blank face, peering at the liquid Piccolo was tilting down his throat.

"Lemon water, coconut milk, jalapeno juice, barbeque sauce, and a spring or two of mint for flavor," Piccolo answered. On seeing the mime turn green beneath his pale complexion, the Namekian protested "Don't blame me, blame my mutant child's cravings!"

"No blaming Xylophone. It's not his fault," I chastened.

"Xylophone? You've already decided on names?" Krillin asked, looking up from his poker game with Yamcha, Tien, and Roshi. I was convinced Oolong and Puar were subtly helping their companions cheat. And you had to wonder about Tien's third eye.

"We go back and forth depending on mood, but we've honed in on the final result for the most part," Bulma said, one of my Multiforms massaging her feet. "For example, these twin terrors are Boxa and Shorts. I swear, they're sparring in there."

"That's actually common with Saiyan twins," Gine offered, patting her granddaughters through the skin of Bulma's belly.

"I don't know why you two are complaining, pregnancy is a blast," Chi-Chi said loftily, rubbing her belly with a look of bliss. She was practically glowing in the dark.

"Silence, heathen," Piccolo hissed while Bulma shot her sister-wife a death glare.

"And what will Chi-Chi's little one be called?" Kami asked from where he was standing in the corner.

"We thought about Kakarot Jr, but I wanted to keep the naming convention with Grandpa Gohan and myself. So Goka, boy or girl," I answered the Guardian of Earth.

The day passed with happy family fun time, and the next day it was right back to training. The next break I took was the week my children were born. Goka came out March 11 of Age 757, a tad small but otherwise a beautiful firstborn son, looking like my clone. Boxa and Shorts arrived on the 13th, holding hands tightly even as they came out the womb. They seemed to have inherited their mother's straight hair but my inky color, and were identical down to the last iota. And Xylophone came on the 16th, looking like a typical Namekian baby, just with some Saiyan fur on his head. All four naturally had tails.

Words cannot describe how happy I was every night to look in on the nursery and see my flesh and blood sleeping peacefully, for whatever brief interlude they elected to sleep. All three had PLs nearing a million even just a few hours old, proving that S-cell concentration in infants really had a strong effect. I just considered it lucky none of them had damaged their mothers on the way out.

From that point on, I kept a Multiform with my babies at all times. Even with Chi-Chi and Piccolo happy to shoulder the burden of childcare while Bulma and I did our important work, I insisted. My children would never doubt that their daddy loved them. I refused to be an absentee bum like the Goku of canon. Halving my power made my training more difficult anyway.

Time began to fly, and before I knew it a year had passed. Bulma naturally threw our babies a bash for the record books. It was as big as my 17th birthday in scope. We proud if exhausted parents watched our fully-walking toddlers play in the ballpit, beneath the dubious watch of their uncle Parnip, who was just half a year older.

"So, how's parenthood?" Grandpa Gohan asked us, clearly fishing for tips he could use to convince his and the Ox-King's wife Baba.

We exchanged glances and burst into giggles. "It's the hardest thing in the world to do but also the easiest," I stated.

"So rewarding, but so punishing," Chi-Chi reflected.

"Say goodbye to sex, except for special occasions when you get a babysitter," Bulma moaned.

"All that said, we wouldn't trade it for the world," Piccolo said with a proud grin.

Gine walked over with Bardock obediently trailing behind her. "Are you sure they're all safe in there?"

"All five are stronger than about 99% of the population on this planet, I doubt a few plastic balls will do them any harm," I argued.

As if on cue, Goka did a summersault and landed painfully on his tail. "Daddy! Ow!" He cried.

Faster than sound and possibly light, I was at my boy's side. "There, there, Goka. Your tail is sensitive, but you got to get used to it. Don't want a weakspot, do we?"

Boxa and Shorts watched impassively, uninterested in their brother's plight. Xylophone, though, looked over with concern in his wise young eyes. "Goka ok?" Our little hybrid asked.

"Yes, Xylophone, your brother will be okay. Good for you for being concerned," I praised, patting his head. Wiping the last of Goka's tears as he self-soothed by sucking his thumb, I returned to my mates and family.

The day passed unhurriedly, and then it was back to training. I worked and worked until the day I felt I reached 99% conversion rate for Super Saiyan God. Then I paused and gathered my mates.

"Whatever happens, I want you all to know, I love you. I will always love you. Nothing's going to change," I assured them, really trying to assure myself.

Bulma rolled her eyes. "Oh, get on with it. I want to say I slept with a literal God!"

"Bulma! Be respectful of his fears. We don't know what's going to happen," Chi-Chi protested.

Piccolo crossed his arms impassively. "Just do it, Goku. Waiting won't make it any better."

I sighed and went into Super Saiyan God. My form bulged and slimmed in different places until I had 'perfect' proportions, my hair turned the red of a dying star, and a corona of energy surrounded me. I went into the lotus position and focused on my ki, which was mostly divine with just a drop of mortal ki still waiting untapped inside me.

I took a deep breath. "Well, here goes nothing," I breathed. And then I focused, and forced that last bit of mortal ki to alchemize into divine.

And then…

I opened my eyes. "I don't feel any different," I told my mates confusedly.

"Well, you're still in God form. Try turning back to normal," Bulma suggested, the probes ready at her side.

I flipped the mental switch in my head between base form and Super Saiyan God. My hair changed back, and muscles returned to a slightly different configuration, but my ki didn't react at all. "Okay, my ki is staying divine. That's about the only difference I feel."

Bulma went to work. "Okay. Your PL is off the charts. Guess all 30M are permanently converted, leaving you at approximately 1.5T as a base Power Level."

Chi-Chi gaped. "Gods above. You could kill Frieza with a finger flick right now."

I chuckled as the reality of the situation dawned on me. "I never have to transform again except for the Gods of Destruction and the Angels. By mastering God form, I've transcended weight classes. Why did the original Goku never do this? His conversion rate was probably a little above 10% and he compensated with Blue all the time."

Piccolo shrugged. "We'll never know. We've got you in the driver's seat for this go around. And I for one am very pleased about that."

I grinned and kissed him sweetly. Then I turned to smile salaciously at Bulma. "Now, I believe there was a bet involving a certain genius's ass if I managed this feat before Radditz arrived…"

Bulma had trouble sitting for a week. She had trouble stopping her perpetual grin, too.

Around the First Four's second birthday week, all three of my mates began exhibiting morning sickness. I was slightly daunted at the thought of 4 half-Saiyans in their terrible twos with handicapped mothers to help. Still, this is what I signed up for as a father.

We got through the whole pregnancy as well as the trial of four constantly tantruming toddlers easily enough. And by New Year of Age 760, Son Goyi, Son Longjohn, and Son Flute were born. Their PLs were significantly higher than their siblings despite their greater ages, probably due to the fact they were demigods. 7 half-Saiyans in 3 years was no mean feat, but luckily we had a very supportive family network as well as all the help money could buy. Sure, Bulma had to make the nannies sign NDAs so they wouldn't blab about Boxa flying after Shorts for stealing her stuffed bunny or Flute's tendency to crack the windows when he screamed for a bottle. But that was just how things worked in our household.

I didn't let up on training, not even for a moment. Super Saiyan Blue, Oozaru God, Super Saiyan Ape 3. I alternated working those transformations, even as I went for higher and higher gravities. Bulma had at last cracked the materials necessary to get all the way up to even 10,000x Earth's gravity. The Ultimate Gravity Chamber almost crushed me to an atom-thick pancake more than once, and that was without me playing around with the Mass Magnifier Technique. Safe to say I had a LOT of fun.

When the First Four as we'd taken to calling them had their 3rd birthday, I began training them. Just simple exercises and drills, not even true kata so much as how to throw a punch and kick and block. Chi-Chi worried that I was spoiling their childhood with work, but I assured her their Saiyan blood made Family Fighting Fun-Time a blast. It was really no different than a kids' gymnastics class, if you squinted.

The time passed even faster now that we had seven little mouths to feed and love and keep entertained. But Bulma, Chi-Chi, Piccolo and I managed.

In other news, the Bio-Android Volunteer Program kicked off. Among the test subjects that came forward were Lapis and Lazuli, the twins who in another life almost wiped out all life on the planet. Luckily, Dr. Gero was including no such programming in his subjects in this reality. I subtly arranged to have Krillin visit on a day Lazuli was in the lab and it was love at first sight. Learning that they shared a soul mark was a formality, having bonded and talked for hours after first meeting. The two were happily dating. Tien and Chiaotzu became the most popular dojo on the planet. Their offers of autographed copies of Groundbreaking Science to each new student was certainly a draw as well. Yamcha went into baseball, and Launch opened up a combination fashion boutique and gun store. Kami and Mr. Popo continued to man the Lookout, with the ancient Namekian coming down to babysit his grandchildren frequently. Bardock and Gine had a little girl when Parnip was three and a half, naming her Turip.

Finally, the day came when it was October 12th Age 761, and Master Roshi decided to throw a barbeque…

"Is everyone ready?" I asked the Son clan as we stood in the front lawn of Briefs Mansion.

"Ready," Bulma said, strapping on her antigravity jetpack. She'd finally found a way for ordinary people to fly. She had Longjohn cradled in her arms, his pink locks getting a bit long, he was due for a trim.

"I still don't know how to fly, so you have to carry me and Goyi," Chi-Chi reminded me, as she tickled our daughter and made her giggle uncontrollably.

Piccolo cracked his neck, adjusting his turban. "Flute and I are prepared." Behind his leg, our youngest son clutched his Papa. Flute was a gentle soul, I truly didn't see him ever desiring to fight even with a Saiyan tail egging him on.

Goka, Boxa and Shorts, and Xylophone were deemed old enough to fly themselves. They were hopping around, eager to get moving. "Daddy, who's going to be there again?" Goka asked, balancing on his tail like a snake curled up and rearing.

"All your Aunts and Uncles, Grandpas and Grandmas except for Mommy's mom and dad, and this guy named Master Roshi. He's an old family friend."

"Then why haven't/ We ever met him before?" Boxa and Shorts asked. Ever since they'd hacked the TV to get past the parental block and saw a certain scary movie, they'd endeavored to speak in unison. They found people's reactions amusing.

"He's a pervert, that's why," Bulma answered. "But he's promised to keep it PG for today."

Xylophone blinked slowly. "Uncle Parnip will be there?" Xylophone and Parnip were the best of friends, the hot-headed brute meeting a calm mastermind in his nephew.

"Yes, along with Aunt Turip, Grandma Gine, and Grandpa Bardock," Chi-Chi elaborated for the boy that was her son even if they shared no direct blood relation.

"We like Grandpa Bardock/ He's scary," Boxa and Shorts giggled.

I clapped my hands. "Alright! Everyone, prepare for takeoff! We need to get there by lunch!"

"Yes, Daddy!" my kids and mates called out.

As easy as breathing, I rose up into the air, two of my princesses in my arms. The First Four followed me gleefully, with Bulma and Piccolo lifting off shortly after. With my internal ki sense acting like a compass, I led us out over the city and towards Roshi's island. Within the hour, we were touching down.

The party was already well underway. Chi-Chi stepped out of my arms and set Goyi down to stand on her own. "Remember, kids, be on your best behavior!" She declared imperiously.

"Yes, Mama," they chorused.

"But don't forget to have fun!" Bulma said, capsuling her jetpack.

"Yes, Mommy."

"What are you waiting for? Go nuts!" Piccolo encouraged.

"Yes, Papa."

I began to run at a comically slow pace towards the buffet. "Last one there's a rotten egg!"

"Daddy!" My brood of seven exclaimed as they chased after and passed me. The lot of them flying up to reach the table, they all descended on the food like a school of piranha. They were, after all, growing children with Saiyan blood.

While the kids are their fill before finding some other way of distracting themselves, I made my way over to our host. "Master Roshi. Glad to see you gave your 'co-workers' the day off."

"Eh, most of them can't handle kids anyway," Roshi shrugged. "Cute tykes. Are all of them yours again?"

"Yeah. Bulma and I have the twins, Boxa and Shorts, along with little Longjohn. Chi-Chi gave us Goka and Goyi. Piccolo had Xylophone and Flute."

Roshi whistled. "My God. Imagine when they're all angsty teenagers."

"I'm taking things one day at a time, that's a long, LONG way off," I said vehemently. After a few more words, I went looking for my parents, both biological and adopted. I paused as I came across Yamcha and Launch acting cozy. "Oh? Are you two back together?"

Launch shrugged. "More like long-term friends with benefits. Until my mark comes in, I might as well have some fun. And Yamcha has commitment issues, so he's fine with no strings."

"Well, hope you both… have fun," I wished lamely. I walked past them to find Krillin giving Lazuli a tour. "Oh, hello you two. How are things? And Lazuli, Bulma wants to ask you about the latest augments when you get the chance."

"You can tell her they're purring like a kitten," the blonde bombshell stated. "I feel ready to compete in the next WMAT. When's that coming back, anyway?"

"The stadium should be done next year. Whether we host that year, Bulma is still making up her mind," I answered. I turned to Krillin. "How about you, Krillin? Feel like going for the title?"

Krillin snorted. "Even one of your kids could kick my ass. No, I'm perfectly happy to cheer my girl on while she learns that beating you is hopeless. I mean, you're so strong you turned yourself into a freaking GOD!"

"Quirk of Saiyan biology that I ruthlessly exploited to the maximum," I waved away. "Anyway, got to keep up the meet and greet. See you guys."

I walked over to the hulking form of the Ox-King, finding Grandpa Gohan and Baba in his shadow. The fortuneteller with the legendary greed was nursing a small bundle. After my own children, seeing an infant so helpless was a bit jarring. "Hey, you three."

"Oh, Goku, Chi-Chi just came over, you must have missed her. Jiji's doing swimmingly, before you ask," my grandpa told me.

"I was going to. I thought you were firmly against motherhood, Baba," I inquired.

"I already lost this sweet rack once, I wasn't going to risk it. Then I found out how big they get and suddenly I was all onboard," Baba declared cheerfully.

"Queenie, that's not the only reason we had him," Ox-King protested.

"Hush. It's what motivated me and that's all that matters."

I nodded and moved along. I found Bardock and Gine watching over a playing Parnip and Xylophone, Turip tucked into Bardock's arms. He looked vaguely uncomfortable being so paternal out in the open, but that was just Bardock.

"Hello, Mom and Dad," I greeted.

"Kakarot," Bardock acknowledged. "You know, I had a vision about today. Radditz showed up."

I blinked. "I forgot about your foresight. You never indicted you had it after being resurrected."

"Well, it's little more than a bunch of waking daydreams. I rarely get anything coherently useful. I saw you confronting Frieza before my death, and now I saw Radditz showing up today," Bardock chewed out, his tongue seemingly paralyzed from overuse. He really was a man of few words.

I debated revealing the truth and figured to HFIL with it. "He will show up, in about an hour. His Space Pod should be entering the atmosphere any minute now."

Gine perked up. "Oh, won't that be lovely! Then the family would really be all together."

I raised a finger to my brow in the stance of Instant Transmission. "Might as well intercept him as he's falling. No need for him to slaughter an unfortunate bystander. Save some food for me!"

With that, I vanished from the island and appeared in the stratosphere. Repeated visits to Kami's Lookout would have acclimated me to such an environment, but I'd made an interesting discovery. Since my apotheosis, I didn't need oxygen. I suppose I didn't even need food or water, but my body retained the ability to process them. Anyway, I had no trouble breathing this high up.

I spotted the Saiyan Space Pod easily enough. Grabbing hold of the alien ceramic and metal, I guided the Pod to a remote corner of the world, where there'd be no chance of Radditz hurting someone before I could perform the Corruption Correction.

I touched down and waited for my big brother to emerge.

The door popped explosively, jettisoned from the craft. A Saiyan with floor-length black hair rose up out of it, wearing a truly ridiculous looking uniform of rubber and armor. He had a Scouter covering his left eye, in standard PTO protocol. I wasn't sure my inherently divine ki could even be sensed by an non-upgraded Scouter. Feeling distinctly odd, I consciously forced a small portion of my ki back to mortal form. It felt unnatural, but I persisted. I needed it for my plan to work.

"Kakarot," Radditz said with recognition as he regarded me, stood in my usual gi and pants, my tail waving behind me. My arms were crossed in an aggressive stance.

"I don't answer to my slave name," I told him, aware we had an audience via the Scouter. "Call me Goku. I'm guessing you're here to bring me in?"

Radditz smirked. "Whatever your name is, I'm your big brother Radditz. I did indeed come to bring you in." He frowned. "You've done a shit job, little brother. I'm picking up MILLIONS of life signatures just from here!"

"I hit my head as a kid. That knocked me out of the programming. A local man took care of me, loved me, treated me like family. By the time I remembered my 'mission', I'd decided to ignore it. Screw the PTO. This is MY planet, and may the Gods help anyone who tries to take it from me."

Radditz grit his teeth. "It's such a shame when the programming doesn't take. No matter. I'll deal with you then exterminate the dumb life on this expensive rock myself!"

I smirked. "I'd like to see you try. I could beat you with my eyes closed."

Radditz snorted and activated his Scouter. His eye visibly widened and he began to sweat as the number went up… and up… and up. "15k?!" He demanded in disbelief.

It was a carefully calculated number. Strong enough to cow him, but not stronger than Vegeta. I needed the Prince to come willingly, and he'd only do that for an assured victory. He'd come for the challenge I presented, but I was no real risk. Especially with Nappa to back him up.

I grinned. "What was that about dealing with me, again?" Dashing forward, I lodged a fist in my brothers gut. Call it playful roughhousing. Radditz coughed up blood and rocketed off into the distance. By the time he touched down, I was already standing behind him.

I tapped his face with my bare foot. "You know, we really shouldn't fight. Mom and Dad are waiting at a party for us with our siblings."

"Our parents are dead. They died with our planet," Radditz spat.

"They were. Then I used these magic items on this planet called Dragon Balls to wish them back to life."

Radditz gaped. "W-what?"

"Mom and Dad are alive. They've even given us a baby brother and sister since they've come back. If you get your head out your ass about the genocide of the locals, we can meet up with them and have some good food and fun," I said nonchalantly.

Radditz blinked. "Are… Are you serious?"

"Cross my heart. The Dragon Balls grant three wishes. Any three wishes. Bring back the dead, make you immortal, conjure the softest pillow in the Universe. Stuff like that." I cricked my neck. "Can we get a move on? My kids are missing me by now."

Radditz considered it, I saw it in his eyes. I saw him decide to take a chance on me. "Alright." He held out his hand. I lifted him back to his feet.

At that moment, a cold voice came from the Scouter. "You're a traitor to the PTO, Radditz, and a spineless emotional weakling besides. I'm coming for these Dragon Balls. And once I'm the strongest in the Universe, I'll deal with you, your brother, and your whole cursed bloodline."

I rolled eyes. "Blah, blah, blah." Grabbing the Scouter, I crushed it in my fist. "Don't worry, we can deal with him easily."

Radditz gaped. "Are you mad? You're ten times the fighter I am but Prince Vegeta could squash us like bugs!"

"First thing you need to realize is Scouters only measure ki level in the moment. Someone trained in energy control can fake their results on a Scouter. I'm actually a LOT stronger than 15k PL. I just did that so Vegeta wouldn't be intimidated and not come," I explained.

Radditz blinked dumbly. "Ki?"

I rolled my eyes. "The energy behind your attacks. A true martial artist can manipulate it as easily as another limb. Like I said, I faked the score when you measured me."

Radditz gaped. "You can do that?"

"Yep. You can also do things like this." With that, I enacted the Corruption Correction. Radditz vomited up a blob of negativity that even Flute could have beaten. I blasted it into oblivion, and I watched as Radditz struggled with his newfound conscience.

"So many deaths," Radditz moaned. "God, I was a sadistic bastard."

I rubbed his shoulder. "Frieza made you that way. What matters is what you do going forward. Now come on. Let's fly to that party I told you about."

The two of us flew over to the island, touching down at the edge near Bardock and Gine. Mom rushed forward to embrace Radditz, whom broke into tears when he felt a mother's embrace for the first time in decades.

Bardock came over, swallowing uncomfortably. "There, there, son," he said, patting Radditz uncomfortably.

Radditz regained control of himself and wiped his eyes. "Sorry… don't know what came over me."

"No need to apologize, dude. You're only a man, after all. We all need our moments of weakness," I said. I whistled, and my seven ran over to stand before me. We trained them well. "Kids, this is your Uncle Radditz. He needs a group hug. Go!"

"Whee!" Screamed my horde as they descended on the unprepared Saiyan man.

"ALL these brats are yours?" Radditz demanded when he emerged for air from the puppy pile of young half-Saiyan.

"Well, I have three wives, if that makes it easier to understand. Well, two wives and a Namekian husband," I explained.

"Still, seven? How do you feed them all?"

"One of my wives is the richest woman on the planet. Plenty of food to fill even Saiyan bellies." I plucked a giggling Goyi off Radditz's head. "Come on, kids, that's enough. Go back to playing."

"Yes, Daddy," they chorused as they went back to playing in the sand or playing in a game corner Roshi had set up. I helped Radditz back to his feet and slapped his back. "Come on, let me introduce you to Earth food. It's to die for."

We wound up having a decent afternoon. Radditz listened to Earth 101 and admitted the planet seemed oddly enjoyable. He fell in love with barbeque ribs, soon assembling enough bones to make a large chandelier. He eagerly met Parnip and Turip, concluding they were adorable little siblings. Towards the time I was getting ready to return home, he paused. "Wait… if you faked the 15k reading, how strong are you really?"

I rubbed the back of my head. "What you have to accept is that I found a way to turning mortal ki into divine ki. I literally made myself a God. And divine ki is much more potent than mortal ki. And I was pretty strong even before the change."

Radditz narrowed his eyes. "Kakarot, how strong are you?"

I sighed. "2 trillion, give or take, using Scouter terms."

Radditz fainted.

"I suppose I should take that as a compliment," I mused as people rushed to check on my big brother.

Radditz settled into Earth life easily enough. As he did, his soul mark came in. An ape wearing a pair of yellow tights. I'd shrugged along with Bulma when he came in to have the mark cataloged in the Capsule Corps database. "Who'd a thunk, my brother with your sister," I told her. We got Tights in touch with the Saiyan and they hit it off as only soulmates could. They started dating, Tights moving closer to New Sadala to make it easier on Radditz in terms of transit.

His training progressed slowly but steadily. Not everyone could be me, after all. He made steady progress up through the Gravity Chamber's settings, his Power Level escalating at a respectable pace. I offered to fatally injure him in a fight and then give him a Sage Pill so he'd get a major Zenkai boost, but he wasn't quite so suicidally determined to get strong as I was.

The kids continued to grow, developing into upstanding if mischievous young people. Each one was distinct, even Boxa and Shorts, and I loved each of them with all my heart. As Goyi, Longjohn, and Flute started to get into the terrible twos, I began to feel an itching in my heart for littler ones. Guess I truly had baby fever.

Valentine's Day weekend of Age 762, I had one day each with my individual mates. I managed to wine and dine and woo all three of them into having unprotected sex, and within a month I sensed budding presences inside them. Chi-Chi shared my joy at our family growing again, but Bulma put her foot down. "No more after this batch! Not until the First Four are old enough to babysit!" Piccolo merely shrugged and transitioned back to gentle maintenance rather than aggressively building himself. He might be a mother, and there was the conceit that I could handle any threat, but he still wanted to be capable of defending himself and his family in dire times.

I was finishing my work on Super Saiyan Blue, Super Saiyan Ape 3, and Oozaru God when November rolled around. My PL was now closer to 3T than 2T. I was really just getting a headstart on facing Beerus and Whis and the Tournament of Power rather than preparing for any mortal fighter. As Chi-Chi had put it, I could kill Frieza with a finger flick. I had truly overprepared for the events of canon. I'd just tried to get as strong as possible as soon as possible. Vegeta would be the equivalent of one of my kids in a tantrum. Less so, actually. My kids were all so strong it was a wonder they hadn't accidentally activated Super Saiyan the way Goten and Trunks had in my future memories. In fact, I was going to let Bardock and Radditz work out their frustrations against Vegeta and Nappa and then swoop in with the Corruption Corrections.

The Dragon Team decided that the Prince and General of all Saiyans arriving was a Saiyan affair and elected to stay out of it. Even Chiaotzu could beat Vegeta in Oozaru if pressed, but they still had this idea that Saiyans were invincible, an illusion I did no good in dispelling.

So when the two Saiyan Space Pods came down on November 3rd of Age 762, I directed them to New Sadala and waited alongside my family to wait.

Vegeta and Nappa emerged from their pods, floating out to land on the ground, conveniently facing away from the colony arranged to meet them. "Blue sky, low gravity, excellent air quality," Vegeta mused aloud. He grinned. "Yes, this planet will sell very well. Don't you agree, Nappa?"

"Yes, my Prince. Lord Frieza will be well pleased," Nappa simpered. It was disconcerting to see such a big man licking the boots of a midget, but sizes could be deceiving.

"Now, where are my subjects?" Vegeta wondered.

"Try behind you," I called out sarcastically. Man, ki blind people were, well, blind.

The two PTO Saiyans turned and regarded the whole of New Sadala, sans newborns and toddlers. The kids were safely locked away. My own kids were sat on a picnic blanket though. As far as my kids were concerned, this was their first live show if you don't count witnessing some of my workouts.

Vegeta grinned. "Ah, there you are. Now bow down to your rightful king!"

Bardock scoffed. "I see no king. Merely the slave of a tyrant and his loyal pet."

Nappa gaped. "You dare!" He threw an energy ball at my dad, whom caught it in his palm and crushed it like a fly. Nappa blinked and gulped. Vegeta merely appeared intrigued.

"Ah, Bardock, I remember my father speaking highly of you. So you speak for these Saiyans?"

"I'm the elected mayor of New Sadala, if that's what you mean," Bardock said neutrally.

"Then I make you this offer. Swear fealty to me, the Prince of all Saiyans, and I promise you clemency for your treason. Refuse, and face death at my hand. It is what you were born to do."

Radditz scoffed. "We're not afraid of you Vegeta. My brother is stronger than all the rest of us combined. He's taught us the meaning of true strength, not just power."

Bardock waved a hand at the stone-faced Saiyans behind him. "All of us here are reborn. Planet Vegeta died. Let the old order die with it. Here on Earth, we have no monarchy, no military. We have a peaceful society where your place is determined by the work of your own hands. We are New Sadala! And we will not bow to the likes of you!"

Vegeta got an ugly grin. "I was going to let you off with a beating. But for that little speech, I'm going to feed you your heart. In the meantime, one of you WILL lead me to the Dragon Balls. And I have no problem going through you one by one to find a willing guide."

Radditz cracked his knuckles. "You'll have to get through me first."

Nappa burst out laughing. "You? Even I could handle you no problem! And we are but pale reflections of Prince Vegeta's might!"

Radditz got a confident smirk on his face. "You sure about that?"

Scoffing, Nappa activated his Scouter. His eye went wide and then began to sweat as the number continued to climb. A circuit blew and the screen cracked before the figure finally stopped. "1.2 million?! That's impossible! You were a thousandth of that just a year ago! No one gets that much stronger that fast!"

"Like I said, I learned true strength from my little brother. He's the finest warrior to live and breathe, better even than Frieza, and that's a fact," Radditz said.

"Go, Uncle Radditz!" Goka cheered from the sidelines.

Vegeta went to check his own Scouter, when I removed it and returned to my spot fast as a wink. I held it up like a camera to face me. "Attention, Frieza. This is Son Goku and I'm not afraid of you. I know you're a coward, terrified of a bedtime story of the monkey that killed the frost demon. I know you're a liar, convincing an orphan his planet was destroyed by a meteor when I was really by your own hand. And I know you're weak. If you want to prove me wrong, come and find me."

Vegeta and Nappa gaped at me. And then a voice like a snake with blood of ice emerged from the Scouter. "You're dead, monkey. As of this moment, You. Are. Dead. I'll be stopping by to collect your corpse. And then I'll turn your planet to ash and dust."

"You're welcome to try," I replied before destroying the device. I turned to Radditz and gave him a pat on the shoulder. "Have fun making up for years of abuse, big bro."

"Thanks, Kakarot," Radditz said, powering up to maximum.


	6. Chapter 6

**Yes, I'm writing this again. Please read this and the previous chapter and tell me if it was worth dusting off the mothballs.**

* * *

"You're… you're all crazy!" Vegeta declared in a panic. "Nappa, kill these fools! The Scouter must have malfunctioned! No one has a Power Level over a million!"

I sighed and shook my head. "You poor, ignorant bastard."

"I'm going to enjoy watching this," Bardock grinned as Radditz stepped forward to confront his two former 'teammates'.

Nappa launched himself at Radditz. My brother caught the man's charge with one hand. With the other, he delivered an uppercut that sent Nappa into the lower reaches of the atmosphere with a sonic boom. The Saiyan eventually landed in his own crater, down for the count from one blow.

Radditz blew on his fist. "That was for 26 years of bullying, you arrogant prick."

Vegeta looked much less confident in Radditz's feebleness. But not for nothing was he the Prince of all Saiyans. He powered up to his respectable if relatively puny maximum of 18k. There were ordinary martial artists here on Earth that had surpassed that level. Vegeta had truly been a big fish in a little pond. I guess the Moon Ball was his trump card, but he daren't use it in front of a crowd of Saiyans. "Touch me, Radditz, and your punishment will be severe."

Radditz snorted. "You just heard my brother casually threaten Frieza himself. I've been training under him and my dad for over a year now. You think I'm scared of some two-bit PTO enforcer? You're not the strongest Saiyan here, Vegeta. Except for Nappa, you're the weakest. And that's including my adorable nieces and nephews over there."

Vegeta eyed where my seven kids and three heavily pregnant mates were sat. "You dare insult me like that? I'll show you weak!" With a roar, Vegeta sent a Gallick Gun at my family.

I didn't even blink. "Play Catch!" I commanded. My kids maneuvered themselves and Xylophone was the lucky one to catch and redirect Vegeta's blast. It was highly amusing to see Vegeta hit in the face with his own attack as sent by a 5 year old. When the smoke cleared, I gave the Prince a pitying smile. "Mess with the Son Family, and we'll mess back."

Vegeta began to panic as Radditz began to move forward. "This can't be happening! I will have obedience! I will have loyalty! I am the Saiyan Prince!"

"Saiyans have no Kings anymore," Radditz told him before socking him in the solar plexus. Vegeta vomited up bile and a little blood before collapsing to his knees. Radditz wiped his hands and walked back to us. "That was extremely satisfying."

"Boo!/ Too fast!" Boxa and Shorts protested.

"We still love you even if you're boring, Uncle Radditz," Goka spoke up.

"We love you, Uncle!" My second batch shouted.

Radditz was blushing despite himself. "I hope my and Tights' kid at least will love and worship me."

"Oh, you knocked her up?" I asked curiously.

"She's fine with the Saiyan definition of marriage. I declared her my mate last month. She's a couple months along, so it's a good thing I did it when I did," my big bro explained.

I nodded and went over to the unconscious forms of Vegeta and Nappa. "Now, to fix these guys' attitudes." I and a Multiform fed both of them a Sage Pill. As the two Saiyans woke up fully healed, and vastly stronger from the Zenkai boost, I used the Corruption Correction. I managed to blast both constructs with one Kamehameha. My kids gave rounds of applause at the fireworks even as Frieza's former enforcers woke up with positive mental health for once in their lives. Hours later, after giving the two the lay of the land, Vegeta made a declaration.

"I've decided. I'll leave the colony to Bardock. True nobility is in being superior to your former self, not others. I'll become stronger than even you, Kakarot, and earn my title as the ruler, and therefore greatest, Saiyan!" Vegeta vowed with fire in his eyes.

I grinned and gave him a fist bump, which he confusedly returned. "You're welcome to try, Vegeta. Just know you've got a lot of catching up to do. I've already cracked the trillions in PL, you have a long road ahead of you. But all that matters is you keep walking it, not how fast you move down it."

Nappa nodded. "And I will endeavor to live up to my former title of General. Bardock will be my rival as you will be Prince Vegeta's. I will be the shield of this community."

Bardock chuckled. "Most of us can take care of ourselves. But the thought is appreciated."

"Daddy? Are the bad men our new uncles?" Longjohn asked me, looking up at Vegeta and Nappa with wide innocent eyes.

"Yes, Longjohn. They're uncles the way Uncle Tien and Uncle Krillin are uncles even though we're not related." The boy had inherited his mother's intellect. He was certainly the brightest of my current seven, outshining even the First Four. Goka had the most body wisdom, and Xylophone had a tactical genius that made him excel at boardgames, but in terms of raw intellect, it was my sakura son. Not to say the others didn't shine in their own way. Boxa and Shorts could plan a bank heist and get off scot-free, not that I was necessarily proud of their criminal mastery. Goyi had a singing voice that made the birds stop to listen. And Flute was the most creative, loving all things to do with art. His paintings and drawings were genuine good work, not just scribbles of a child. And I'm sure the next three would have their own unique strengths.

Vegeta eyed my gaggle of family as they walked over to me. "You certainly make use of that harem of yours. What's a Namekian like?"

"Same as any woman, just with a really big, hard clit that we can use to double-team one of the women together with. I'm mostly straight, I'm just good with weird. It's kind of the air I breathe." I stopped covering Longjohn's ears and nudged him toward his waddling mother. "Ten kids in six years is a lot though, I won't deny. We're officially taking a break until the oldest batch is in their teens. The thing is, the magic of the Dragon Balls makes every resident of Earth effectively immortal. We'll never have to worry about menopause, so we can still be popping out newborns even when the First Four are having grandkids. Our family tree will be more of a bramble bush and bound to get more complicated, but I wouldn't trade it for anything," I told the alien prince.

Vegeta rubbed his breast. "You say each resident also has a tattoo that marks their soulmate."

"Or soulmates in my case. If I had to guess, I'd say you and Nappa will get yours within the week. That's how long it took to show on Radditz. The magic of the wishes only affects those that truly consider Earth home in their hearts. You homeless guys are so desperate for roots that you adjust faster than most," I reasoned.

Nappa grinned. "I wouldn't mind meeting a nice Saiyan girl and having a few sprogs."

"She doesn't have to be Saiyan. So long as she doesn't raise my heirs to be weaklings," Vegeta said imperiously.

I shrugged. "Well, fly to West City when your soul marks come in and we'll see if your girls are in the database."

My mates arrived then. "We're a week from our due dates, Mr. Son. We should be on bedrest, not witnessing gladiatorial smackdowns," Chi-Chi said disapprovingly. She would hopefully never be the shrew from canon but she had her moments.

"Lighten up, sister. It was fun. Gave us a warm-up for the WMAT in a few months," Bulma calmed her sister wife. She cradled her middle as baby number 4 gave a hard kick. We'd decided to be surprised by the genders and pick names off the tops of our heads.

"Hopefully we'll be able to find a babysitter so I and Goku can even compete," Piccolo mused, scratching his antennae. He was the tallest of us at over 7 feet, but he still deferred to my authority readily.

"The grandparents will contribute, hopefully. And Gine might chip in if Bardock chooses to fight too. We'll make it work. We wouldn't want Mr. Satan winning the tournament, would we?" I asked facetiously.

Vegeta tilted his head. "Who is this human you don't approve of?"

"A shameless braggart who takes credit for things he didn't do so he can be praised as a big shot," Bulma told the man who, in another life, would have been the cause of her baby bump. In this life, though, she was mine. And she was aware of said alternate reality, as were all my mates.

"He's not too bad. He just happens to let things go to his head. He won a few minor tournaments I didn't see the point of entering and now he's publically declared he's coming for my 'throne' as champion of the World Martial Arts Tournament." I shrugged. "I just hope Frieza doesn't arrive at the same time. That would make attending slightly difficult to arrange."

Nappa gulped. "You really think you can do that Corruption Correction on Frieza and win? You said he has forms even he isn't aware of. Are you sure you can match his full potential power?"

"No way to find out but to try," I said with boundless confidence. I was reasonably sure I could kick Beerus's ass without risking fatal injury. Frieza, even his Corruption with Golden Form's strength, should prove child's play. I might only have to use the Kaio-ken in order to overpower it.

Bardock tilted his head back to look at the sky. "Based on my visions, Frieza's mothership should arrive in roughly a month. You going to be ready by then?"

"I'll be sleep-deprived from having three wailing newborns on different schedules keeping me up all night, but I'll be ready to clean out Frieza's psyche. Then hopefully he can handle Cooler and King Cold on his own. Especially if we can convince him to actually train himself at full power instead of resting on his birth PL," I answered.

With that, I gathered my mates and offspring and we flew back to our Mansion in West City. Bardock, I presumed, found homes in New Sadala for Vegeta and Nappa.

A week later, my number of children cracked the double digits. Gong was born first, so named for his propensity to give singular, barking cries when he wanted something. Jockstrap, which I almost vetoed but couldn't think of a more palatable name in keeping with Bulma's family's naming convention, had purple hair like Trunks in the alternate history and was the biggest of our babies, at over 12 pounds. And Gozo seemed to have already gotten his uncle Radditz's hairstyle, born with a full head of hair thick as tar. I cuddled and cooed all three of them, joined by their fascinated older siblings. Boxa and Shorts seemed to feel threatened by the presence of babies in the Mansion, but I assured them they were still my favorite little princesses.

I went to the HTC when we called in a babysitter the second week. I had a trick I was working on I wanted to experiment with, and I didn't want the weakness of leaving a Multiform on the outside. "See you by this time tomorrow, Kami," I waved before entering the pocket dimension. Then I flew off until I felt like I was fighting the weight of a planet.

I went to Super Saiyan 3 as easy as breathing, the form long mastered. I shrugged my shoulders and figured in for a penny, in for a pound. I concentrated on the S-cells in my spine and resurged my body's energy through them.

I shifted gears upward, and distinctly felt a 'click' in my head. Whatever form I'd just discovered, it was the ceiling of the Super Saiyan transformation. I mentally reviewed my power level. "About double Super Saiyan Ape 2, so a 2000x multiplier. That's a 20000x multiplier if and when I apply this level to Ape. And I still haven't tried Mega yet, no idea what that's going to be like. Well, let's see what I look like." Using Matter Creation, I created a mirror in front of me.

I appeared to have dissolved into a humanoid form made of pure golden energy. My only distinctive marks were my glowing turquoise eyes and tail. I could feel the ki all but vibrating my cells apart, so saturated was I. I experienced the familiar high of first changing into a new form, but I'd grown immunized to the rush over the years.

Shifting back to base form and noting even my godly body was damaged from the strain of the form, I pulled out a capsule. The Ultimate Gravity Chamber plus the HTC's 10x natural gravity plus the Mass Magnifier, and I'd achieve forces that could strain even the muscles of Super Saiyan 4. Looks like I'd struggle from barely standing to balancing on my fingertips all over again. This was like the sixth time by now.

I emerged from the HTC with about a half mastery of Super Saiyan 4. I couldn't master it in time for Frieza even if I wanted, but then I wasn't really measuring my future by the Arcosian's arrival. As I made my goodbyes to Kami and Mr. Popo, I wondered what would come next after I purified the genocidal wackadoo. No Android or Cell arc, the Bio-Android program had democratized the next stage of human evolution, Dr. Gero was totally reformed, and Bulma had made a binding vow to never even look into time travel. If she never invented a time machine, bad guys from the future couldn't come to this time, and a whole bunch of future problems would be neatly avoided. After that, I wondered if we would wait for Yabidi to awaken Buu or just get a headstart on that. And after that, would we really have to wait until Bulma's 40th for Beerus to arrive on Earth? And once we were on Zen-Oh's radar, would I be able to reform the divine creature so it wouldn't commit universicide for fun?

Well, I'd find out how things would happen when things happened. Best to live in the now and enjoy the moment.

The next couple weeks passed quickly, and then the time came when I sensed a collection of reasonably-high Power Levels appear at the edge of the atmosphere. I gave all my mates and kids kisses and then flew up to the edge of the atmosphere to meet a galactic tyrant.

I floated in the empty air in front of Frieza's personal vessel. I waited, aware my divine ki made me invisible to any Scouter technology used to scan me. I waited a good five minutes before I decided to give them a nudge. "Oi! Frieza! Get your ass out here so I can kick it!"

A hatch opened in the front of the ship and Frieza in his First Form floated out in his antigravity throne. Bastard was so lazy he didn't even fly under his own power. I was thoroughly unimpressed.

"Goku, was it? So nice of you to present yourself for your slaughter," Frieza hissed at me.

I cricked my neck and cracked my knuckles. "Listen, just go to your true form. I'm simply not interested in dealing with your masks. When I pound you into next week, I want to do it to your naked, true body."

Frieza tilted his head. "So quick to invite your annihilation. Very well, if you insist." With a sound like cracking glass, his body warped and twisted behind a haze of power. With an explosion that almost sent his ship reeling, Frieza stood before me in the white and purple form that had haunted my dreams growing up. His throne had vaporized in the rush of energy. I didn't even blink. I was in the same league as Beerus, if not Whis at this point. I could handle this chump with one hand tied behind my back.

"Impressed?" Frieza asked, flexing and generally basking in his own magnificence.

I deliberately yawned. "Tell you what. I'll give you one free shot. After that, I beat you within an inch of your life to teach you some manners."

A vein popped out behind Frieza's eye. "You mock me even in my infinite glory?! Die, you insolent monkey!" With that, I sensed Frieza power up all the way to 120M and toss an energy ball at me. He probably thought he'd disintegrate me and go on to hit the Earth. I allowed the ball to hit me, doing no more than raising a thin layer of ki to cushion the blow. There was a big boom that obscured Frieza from my view. The high winds of this altitude blew the smoke away quickly and I was left looking at Frieza with an expression of utmost shock on his features.

"What the… how the… gah!" He sputtered.

"You know the legend of the Super Saiyan. But I bet you never heard about the Saiyan God. I made myself into an immortal through grit and work. I'm in the same weight class as Beerus now. You don't stand a chance against me," I told him plainly.

Frieza actually flinched. "You dare speak his name?"

I chuckled. "He's not Beetlejuice or anything. He should still be asleep for at least another ten years in his palace at the edge of the Universe. Anyway, knowing that your defeat is inevitable, I don't suppose you'd consider simply surrendering. I could be playing hide-and-seek with my kids right now."

"DIE!" Frieza shrieked, apparently snapping. He rained a barrage of energy blasts at me which barely even ruffled my nanoarmor clothes. "Die! Die! Die! Die! Die!"

I let him go until he exhausted himself. Then, when he was panting, I gave him a swift kick to the head, sending him soaring across the atmosphere. I caught up with him and then grabbed his tail and gave him a swing towards the ground, sensing we were above a deserted area. I went down to the oversized crater, thinking I might have overdone it. I picked Frieza up and slapped him a couple times. "Oi. Stay with me. The ass-kicking has just begun."

All the life seemed to have drained out of the Frost Demon. Faced with someone overwhelmingly stronger than him, he just didn't see the point in resisting, even for his pride. "Just get it over with. I'll see you in Hell later."

I shrugged. "If you insist." Then I used the Corruption Correction, shooting my ki into his eyes to gather up all the negativity in his soul. I flew back a couple feet and watched as the white lizardoid vomited up a black mass that coalesced into a black version of Frieza. And it had a power level in the trillions. Guess Golden Form was comparable to the Super Saiyan God in terms of sheer multiplier.

I cracked my knuckles. Technically, the negativity tumor outmatched my base form. "At last… a decent challenge. Kaio-ken x3!" I shouted, overclocking my body to triple its natural output, putting me slightly above the Power Level of Frieza's Corruption. Red aura flaring around me, I got into my preferred stance. "Bring it, dust bunny."

The Corruption gave a wordless roar and charged forward.

All told, it took me about 20 minutes to get the Corruption still long enough for me to blast it into the ether with a Kamehameha Wave. Those twenty minutes felt like what I'd been working towards my entire life. My blood sang, my heart pounded, and the sweetest high I ever knew, surpassing even phenomenal sex, buzzed in the grey matter of my brain. So this was what it was for a Saiyan to fight a good fight.

Once the Corruption was atomized, I returned to find Frieza all but comatose. "Yo, Frieza! You okay?" I asked, slightly concerned. This guy might be my new favorite sparring partner, after all, he was stronger than anyone else on the planet currently.

Frieza blinked. "I destroyed planets, wiped out billions of lives, just to watch them burn. I'm a monster."

"You were one. Past tense. Moving forward, well, you don't have to be a saint but you can at least attempt to be a decent sapient being," I comforted.

Frieza stood up straight and bowed at the waist. "Son Goku. I, Frieza, Prince of the PTO, hereby formally request that you take me as your apprentice. Teach me to be a better fighter, a better person, and a better man. Will you accept my request?"

I grinned and gave the space lizard a surprise hug. "No need to be so formal. Sure. You can stick around for a few months. We're having a global tournament in a little while, plenty of strong fighters showing up to test themselves. You'll be stronger than all of them by then if you follow my training regime, but it could still be fun. Plus give some of the Saiyans a way to air their grievances with you."

Frieza hung his head. "I killed Bardock. I abused Vegeta, Nappa, and Radditz horribly. I can't imagine I'll be easily forgiven."

"Maybe not, but nothing worth doing was ever easy," I dismissed. "Now, I think what you need is a healthy dose of innocence. I'm introducing you to my children."

And that's how my kids came to get their Uncle Frieza.

Frieza settled into life at the Briefs Mansion as a guest, his mothership parked in the expansive lawn. Dr. Briefs eagerly investigated the PTO technology, Frieza's various minions not touching the nosy human for fear of getting iced. The new benevolent kick their leader was on was like something too good to be true for most of them. They were constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. When Frieza actually said 'thank you' to Appule for fetching him a towel after one of our workouts, the purple alien honestly fainted.

"It occurs to me that, while seizing control from my father and keeping my brother in line will be simple after all our training, I might have trouble having my orders followed. Our entire command structure is built on fear, intimidation, and violence. Asking nicely might just be ignored," Frieza mused, cleaning his tail of dead scales with a special brush. He'd stayed in his true form since his arrival. I had convinced him it was more important to learn to be gentle and have control rather than just cram his power into a smaller, less threatening package.

"You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar," I quoted. "Your crew will adjust, and the new policy will trickle down through the rest of the organization."

Bulma showed up, dragging herself away from maternal duties. "Frieza? Your chemical bath is ready. You're sure you wanted that much arsenic?"

"It has health benefits for Frost Demons. My blood is a similar makeup to formaldehyde. We truly are a toxic, dangerous species," Frieza said. His depression was proving more challenging to face than his fitness goals.

I flicked his forehead. "No self-loathing! Your past is past and you should let it stay there."

"Yes, Master," Frieza said obediently before going inside to soak in the blend of chemicals he'd given as a list to my wife.

Training done for the day, I spent the rest of the night eating dinner and playing with my kids. I could outnumber them with Multiforms easy, but it was more fun for them to gang up on me. We were watched by my mates, hanging around the table and engaging in 'mom' talk, each clutching our newest additions.

The months leading up to the WMAT were an exciting time for the Son Family and the Dragon team. Tien and the Lapis/Lazuli twins were the lone humans I was aware of with a decent chance of not embarrassing themselves against us aliens that were competing. Krillin and Chiaotzu would just cheer their partners from the stands. Yamcha and Launch decided to come watch but the Wolf Fang Fist user turned 4th batter had no intention of fighting. Roshi would be a spectator too, always eager to see a good fight. As for the Saiyans of New Sadala, only Bardock, Radditz, and a rapidly progressing Vegeta decided to attend. Nappa was busy wooing Fasha, his mate. My dad's former team had acknowledged that the people of Earth were decent opponents and had gotten it out of their systems at the last tournament. Kami would observe from his Lookout, not willing to take the day off from his sacred duty. Piccolo and of course Frieza would be going, and me and the Frost Demon were likely to be the two strongest combatants there. And that was before we started transforming.

Frieza took to training like a fish to water. His body WANTED to be tried, tested, made better, he'd just languished in lazy arrogance his entire life. His PL skyrocketed, to the point where he went from 120M to almost 20B in the space of a few months. And he learned actual technique too, rather than just brawling and throwing around energy. I never felt more alive than when we sparred. At last, I had found an opponent worthy of me. I couldn't wait for Beerus and Whis to show up so I could try even tougher opponents. Maybe I'd go ahead and resurrect Majin Buu ahead of schedule after this.

In terms of my children, the First Four had all discovered the Super Saiyan transformation. I'd had lots of fun teaching them control as they flew circles around me. Grandpa Bardock, whom was working on mastering Super Saiyan 2, was torn between amusement and indignation that his 6 year old grandkids had accomplished something that took him over 30 years and a resurrection to attain. Vegeta all but lost his shit and threw himself headfirst into training, determined to crack the legendary transformation or die trying. The second batch had joined Family Fighting Fun-Time five days a week, and Gozo, Jockstrap, and Gong began to start sleeping through the night. They developed the adorable habit of flying in their sleep.

Finally, May began and we all packed up to make it to the new arena Bulma had been constructing for over half a decade.

I leaned back and whistled. "Damn, babe, what's the seating capacity on this thing?" I asked, surveying the massive colosseum-like structure.

"200k, and built-in cameras at every angle. We pulled some strings and got a full 17 satellites to broadcast. The whole planet can watch everything in live high-definition surround sound. And all made to be virtually indestructible to anything below a 1B PL impact. This baby was built to last," Bulma said proudly, looking on her company's project with almost motherly affection.

"Good thing I trained Frieza so much in control. You might just find a way to kill him if he caused any damage," I said half-jokingly.

"Damn straight!"

Frieza bowed to my bluenette mate. "I solemnly promise, on my word as de facto leader of the North Galaxy, to be careful not to damage the building or any of the spectators, Mrs. Son."

"You better not, or the PTO is footing the bill for the repairs," Bulma said imperiously.

My ten, including the three youngest who could walk unsupervised, were more focused on the crowds than the arena. "So many humans strong enough to be Saiyans. Guess they're not so weak as Grandpa Bardock makes them out to be," Xylophone mused. He was already starting to exhibit his Papa's height. He stood head and shoulders atop the rest of the Son brood.

Longjohn peered at the crowd. "About half the ones over 100k are from Uncle Tien and Uncle Chiaotzu's dojo. Guess they do good work."

"Man, I am so pumped that Mommy made a Junior Division. We are going to OWN it!" Gozo shouted, shadow-boxing to warm up.

Boxa and Shorts held forearms against each other. "Whoever wins/ We're still twins," they said solemnly.

Vegeta was getting a shoulder massage from his mate, Mai, as he psyched himself up for the tournament that had every chance of him facing Frieza or worse, me. Their soul marks were of a crowned gun. Their mutual checkered past gave them something to relate to, and Mai was more than happy to quit hanging around Pilaf and the mangy mutt to be the concubine of an alien prince. Vegeta's tail unconsciously curled around her waist whenever she was in reach, a sure sign of trust and affection.

Bardock had no illusions about who would win today; I was a literal God. But he hoped to at least give a decent showing. He patted a Radditz who was closely watching Tights and her baby bump on the shoulder, and kissed his two youngest for luck.

Tien cricked his neck. I had shown him the Kaio-ken, and he'd been practicing religiously. If he had the misfortune of facing a Saiyan and they went Super, he'd at least be able to keep up for a few minutes. But if he went up against me or my new pal Frieza, he'd just forfeit. That would be so one-sided it wasn't even funny.

Lapis and Lazuli were eyeing the competition. "They all seem so… puny," Lapis said flatly.

"Don't let the augments go to your head. Half the aliens could wipe the floor with us," Lazuli admonished.

Krillin leaned up to peck his fiance's cheek. "Don't worry babe. I'm sure you'll at least make it to the Quarterfinals."

"Oi, what about me?" Lapis protested.

Krillin deadpanned at his future in-law. "She's just as strong as you and a hell of a lot smarter. I had to play the odds, man."

I just smiled and prepared for a day of combat.

The hundreds of potential fighters filed into the stadium. To save time and prevent days being spent on preliminaries, the top 32 in both the Junior and Adult Divisions was determined by a punching bag test. If you weren't over 10k PL for adults and 1k for children, then you didn't even register on the machine. For those that were, the two preliminary rounds would be filled by the top of the brackets. I managed to restrain myself and get a maximum score possible without breaking the thing. I was pleased that Frieza did the same. The others all did their college best to max out their own scores. My First Four naturally got the highest scores out of all those under 18 years of age, a fact that had those over twice their age trembling. The fact they were my kids had leaked somehow, and half those who made it to the Junior prelims looked ready to quit just to avoid facing the fruit of my loins.

The Junior Division went first. Most of the kids were the children or personal apprentices of fighters in the Adult Division. I noticed my Goka eyeing a girl I was pretty sure was Videl with hearts in his eyes. Well, maybe it was fate that my firstborn son fall for Satan's daughter, regardless of whether the son was Gohan or not. Luckily, he didn't have to face her until the Quarterfinals, assuming both won their respective brackets. She'd at least get the dignity of being acknowledged by the Announcer before my son beat her without trying… unless he did some lovestruck thing like refuse to hit her or something, but I don't think he'd disrespect a fellow fighter that way.

The prelims progressed before the eyes of the captivated audience until it was down to the 8 strongest minors on the planet out of those who'd attended. Then the Announcer did his job. "Well, here it is folks! The Quarterfinals of the Junior Division of the 24th World Martial Arts Tournament! Brought to you by Capsule Corps. Don't be fooled by their size or youth, these fighters are the real deal. We fully expect to see some of them in the Adult Division in a few years. Let's go through our line-up:

"First off, daughter of the famed champion fighter Satan, it's Videl!" The young girl only a year older than Goka nodded solemnly to the camera. "Facing her right off the bat, it's the son of an even more famed champion, give it up for our reigning victor Son Goku's firstborn, it's Son Goka!" Goka chuckled and rubbed a finger under his nose. "Also descended from the legendary Goku, is this bad luck or destiny, it's the twins Son Boxa and Son Shorts!" They mirrored each other in waving to the crowd. "Here we have two fighters so generic and forgettable the author felt they just weren't worth the effort of creating backstories." Two nameless, faceless combatants bowed to the audience. "And finally, we have Whaler of the Orin Temple facing off against Son Xylophone!" My tallest son grinned modestly at the applause while it clearly went to his opponent's head. "Now let's get this show on the road! Will all fighters besides Videl and Goka please leave the stage?"

Goka and Videl faced each other. Their words were broadcasted throughout the stadium.

Goka rubbed the back of his head. "So… this is awkward. Doesn't your dad kind of hate my dad?"

Videl shook her head. "Daddy doesn't hate Mr. Goku. He just wants to prove he's stronger than him."

My son burst out laughing. "Good luck with that! My dad's the strongest in the Universe!"

Videl turned red as a tomato. "Don't laugh at my Daddy!"

Goka managed to stop his humor to turn serious. "Sorry, sorry. It's just… my dad has been training since he was three. He's a member of the Saiyan race. He's forgotten more about fighting than I've ever known. I've felt his power when he goes all out training. And I sensed your dad when he was doing the qualifying test. Unless your dad was hiding his power level to throw people off, my dad has more power in his pinky toe than your dad has in his whole body. No offense, it's just the truth."

A vein was throbbing in Videl's forehead. "Start the match," she ground out at the referee.

The uniformed man raised his hand. "Ready? Fight!"

Videl charged forward and unleashed an impressive series of blows at Goka… all of which missed by a mile. Goka was so fast he could casually dodge her every move without trying. After a solid minute of Videl's assault, Goka blocked a punch to his face with just his index finger.

Videl's rage had transitioned to horror. "H-how?"

Goka shrugged. "Like I said, my dad is crazy super ridiculous strong. I was bound to inherit some of that. Also, he's been training me and my siblings since we turned 3. Or, if you want the cheap answer, I'm not human."

"Then what are you?" She grunted, putting all her weight behind her fist and not even making Goka flex.

"A Saiyan." And with that simple reply, he picked her up and carried her over to the edge of the stage and set her down out of bounds before she could blink.

The Announcer spoke up from the safety of the relative bunker that was the observation booth. "And there you have it folks! Goka has made Videl look like barely even a warm-up! Are all Goku's progeny so skilled? Let's find out! Will Boxa and Shorts please report to the stage?"

Videl began to dejectedly walk towards the tunnels that led to the stands, but Goka caught up with her. "Wait up! Friends?" He asked holding out his hand.

Videl looked at his radiant grin and caved. "Fine. But one day, I WILL beat you in a fight."

"Looking forward to it!" Goka said cheerily, with every confidence she'd fulfill her promise.

I chuckled and turned from regarding my son and his love interest to my daughters. They wore identical battle dresses and had matching smirks on their faces. They elected not to engage in pre-match banter. The referee called the start of the fight and both immediately went Super Saiyan.

The Announcer latched onto the phenomenon. "What's this? Both the sisters have suddenly changed hair and eye color! Could this be the same transformation their grandfather Bardock underwent at the end of the last Tournament? Wait… I've just been informed by our analysts that their Power Levels, already staggering for their age, have increased fifty-fold! What an amazingly powerful technique! Could this be some Son Family secret? Or perhaps some facet of Saiyan biology? In either case, this fight has just been upgraded to the next level!"

Boxa and Shorts vanished from sight. Shockwaves began to shake the stadium, the audience protected by the latest in force field technology. For a split-second at a time, they would reappear as one caught the blow of the other. And then they'd vanish again, moving too fast for anyone without a 9-digit PL to follow.

Frieza next to me looked vaguely terrified. "They're 6 years old. They're already stronger than I was for most of my life. No wonder my ancestor warned us of the Super Saiyan. Not only can you become monsters, your offspring are born monsters."

I shrugged. "Should I apologize for having super sperm? Besides, they didn't come out this strong. I made them work hard to better themselves."

"My point still stands."

Vegeta turned to Mai. "Woman, we are not having my heir until I master Super Saiyan 3 like Kakarot did before having his first batch. I refuse for my child to start off on a weaker foot than his did."

"That is not a problem. You take your time. I'm in no hurry to have some benign parasite grow inside me before shooting out my hoo-ha," she said with all seriousness.

Roshi came over to where me and my family were standing. "Is it just me, or is this fight getting… repetitive?"

I nodded. "No, you're right. They're too similar. They have the exact same moveset and they can practically read each other's minds. There's only a finite combination of moves they can go through, and they did that in the first 60 seconds. Now they're just recycling them until one of them slips and makes a mistake."

Bulma looked up from breastfeeding Jockstrap, something Roshi seemed inordinately interested in. "So who do you think will win?"

"Flip a coin, it has as much chance of being right as I do," I shrugged. Then Gong pulled on my leg and I lifted him up to make funny faces at him. I kept an eye on my twins' fight though.

It finally ended when both went for a flying kick to the face. Both made contact and were sent flying towards the ground. As shown by instant replay, they both made craters at exactly the same moment. The referee nodded into his headset and declared "Double knockout! Neither fighter shall proceed to the next round!"

Boxa and Shorts dusted themselves off, had a hug that the audience and Announcer loved, and then walked off to the tunnels leading up to our section of the stands. By the time they reached us, the third match was over.

"Hey girls! You're just in time to cheer on Xylophone," I said brightly.

They rolled their eyes in sync. "He's going to win/ Why bother watching?"

I loved them to death, but I couldn't deny that my twins would be utter bitches when they became teenagers.

True to his sisters' expectations, Xylophone ended up winning. He used telekinesis to pluck a wriggling Whaler up and plop him out of bounds. Then his next opponent forfeited outright. So in no time, Goka and Xylophone where facing each other for the championship match.

Goka punched his palm. "Prepare yourself, bro. This ain't our usual afternoon spar. This is for 3 years' worth of bragging rights!"

Xylophone shrugged. "Win, lose, what matters is what we have isn't damaged."

Goka rolled his eyes. "Drop the zen thing, man. I'll love you either way. I'm just saying, make this good!"

Xylophone smirked and got into his stance. "In that case, bring it on little brother."

"Oi! I'm older than you by almost a week!"

The Announcer spoke up. "Isn't this heartwarming, folks? Though they may have different mothers, their shared blood makes them family! A clash between brothers, how intense!"

Much like the twins, the two transformed the second the referee called the start. Unlike their sisters, the two had distinctly different styles. Goka favored his tail as a third arm or leg, and Xylophone had both longer reach and better proficiency at ki attacks. It was a long, blistering fight that most couldn't keep track of. It finally ended when Goka took a punch to the gut to launch a surprise ki beam from the end of his tail. Xylophone was sent crashing into the arena wall and touched the ground before he could remember to fly. Goka was declared winner by the referee.

Xylophone picked himself up, walked over to Goka, and raised his arm with his own to signify his brother's victory. The Announcer went nuts. "Look at that! Not even crushing defeat can break their brotherly bond. Goku is clearly not just an exceptional fighter but a wonderful father to raise such upstanding young men! Give both of them a hand folks!"

An official came out to take Goka's picture and hand him the Junior Division trophy. Then an hour-long intermission was called before the Adult Division prelims would start. Goka and Xylophone flew up to our VIP section and set down to raucous cheers.

"Look at this thing! It's almost as tall as me," Goka bragged about his trophy.

Xylophone paused in sipping a Sage Water to look at his brother. "By the way, where'd you get the idea to throw ki out your tail?"

"I don't think any other Saiyan in history had that idea," Radditz mused.

Goka blushed. "I dunno. I just figured I can do it out my hands and feet, so why not?"

"Big bro was so cool!" Goyi gushed with stars in her eyes. She loved all her siblings, but she had a special spot in her heart for Goka.

I rubbed both boys on the head and turned to the twins. "You all did awesome today! You really proved you're ready for more intense training. Starting tomorrow, it's going to be twice as hard, but twice as good. Ready?"

"Yes, Daddy!" The First Four said eagerly.

And then Longjohn derailed the entire conversation. "Where do babies come from?"

Words a parent never wants to hear. The four of us looked at each other in panic.

"Good luck, son," Bardock patted my shoulder before grabbing Gine, Parnip, and Turip and going for the concession stand. Radditz and Vegeta with their mates joined him. The Dragon Team was suddenly all in deep conversation or fascinated with their phones. Me and my family were left to ourselves. The older seven had all turned to look at us for an answer to the question.

I gulped and decided to play it cool. "Why do you ask, Longjohn?"

"The Announcer guy was talking about how Goka and Xylophone have different moms, and I realized I didn't know how that works, so I asked," our smartest child explained.

"Well… babies come from girls' bellies. Remember how Gozo, Jockstrap and Gong came out of Mama, Mommy, and Papa?"

Longjohn turned from his younger siblings to Piccolo. "So… Papa is a girl? I thought he was a boy."

Piccolo cleared his throat. "Remember how I and Grandpa Kami are Namekians? Well, Namekians are boys and girls at the same time."

"Really?" Goyi asked liked she'd been told the moon was made of cheese.

Chi-Chi nodded. "Yes, dear. So even though Papa looks and dresses like a boy, he can make babies like me and Mommy."

Boxa and Shorts tilted their heads. "But how does the baby/ Get in the belly to start with?"

Bulma rolled her eyes. "Enough! Let's just get this out of the way. Kids, boys and girls have different parts between their legs. Boys have a pole called a penis. Girls have a hole called a vagina. When boys and girls grow into men and women, the penis can get hard and shoot these little white things called sperm. And vaginas start laying teeny tiny eggs on the inside. When a penis goes into a vagina and a sperm touches an egg, the egg turns into a baby. The baby grows for 9 months inside the girl before coming out the vagina. Making a baby is called sex. Daddy had sex with me and made Boxa, Shorts, Longjohn, and Jockstrap. He had sex with Mama and made Goka, Goyi, and Gozo. And he had sex with Papa to make Xylophone, Flute, and Gong. Does that answer all your questions?"

I admired her ability to be clinical and detached while explaining the facts of life to our children. The lot had expressions ranging from amazed to disturbed to nauseous.

"Daddy went to the bathroom inside you?" Goka asked, decidedly green and leaning on his trophy to stand up.

I shook my head. "Shooting sperm and peeing are two different things. They come out the same hole at the top but sperm aren't dirty like pee. Okay?" I tried to comfort him.

Xylophone rubbed his chin. "So, because I came from a Saiyan sperm, I can go Super Saiyan. And because I came from a Namekian egg, I have a penis AND vagina. Is that how it works?"

"Just about, son," Piccolo nodded.

Boxa and Shorts looked at their crotches. "A whole baby/ Comes out THERE?"

Bulma kissed their brows. "I won't lie, girls. It hurts. But it's worth it to hold that beautiful baby in your arms. Trust me."

Flute raised his hand like a schoolchild. "Um… we were all made with Daddy's sperm. Will we have a baby one day made with Papa's sperm?"

Chi-Chi blushed scarlet alongside Piccolo. "Maybe one day, sweetie. It just hasn't happened yet."

Goyi rapped a knuckle on her forehead. "So Uncle Radditz had sex with Aunt Tights and that's why she's so big? That's the baby growing inside her? Like Mama, Mommy, and Papa got big before the little three got here?"

"Uh-huh. That's right," I told her.

Longjohn seemed to process all this. "So… when can we start having sex?"

I swallowed my instinctive reply of "NEVER!" and lectured "Not until you grow up and get your soul marks. You don't have to do it only with your soul mate, but you should only do it with a boy or girl you love enough to make a baby with them. Is that understood?"

"Yes, Daddy," came the obedient reply.

Goka blinked. "Wait… what about Uncle Tien and Uncle Chiaotzu? They're soulmates but they're both boys. What's up with that?"

I wasn't having the gay talk right after the sex talk. "Some soulmates aren't meant to have kids. That's how two boys or two girls can be together. What matters is they love each other and make each other happy."

"Okay, Daddy," my firstborn acknowledged.

That ordeal handled, we chatted about other topics until the call came for the Adult Division preliminaries contestants to report to the arena floor.

I went up against a couple members of the New Crane School. The first was scared stiff, the second was a bit of a fanboy. Lapis had the misfortune of facing Frieza, but the Arcosian at least let the Bio-Android air out his frustrations. Radditz and Vegeta had a rematch; my brother had been distracted by Tights' pregnancy and Vegeta was only slightly less manic about training than me. Suffice to say Vegeta won. The others all faced generic opponents. The Quarterfinals lineup came down to Frieza vs. Piccolo, Tien vs. Lazuli, Bardock vs. Vegeta, and yours truly vs. Satan.

The Announcer did his job. "This is it folks! The top 8 of the Adult Division of the 24th World Martial Arts Tournament! Brought to you by Capsule Corps. Let's take a look at our contestants. Hailing from a far-off planet, let's give him a warm Earth welcome, Frieza!" Frieza handled the adoring crowds with familiarity. "Semifinalist at the last Tournament and spouse of our champion, here's Son Piccolo!" My husband blushed as his fanclub started a chant. "Another Semifinalist from 7 years ago, co-leader of the New Crane School, Tien Shinhan!" Most of his students bowed in unison throughout the stadium. "The first in a new wave of human evolution, Volunteer # 18 in the Bio-Android Program, it's Lazuli!" The blonde did not deign to acknowledge her cheers. "Runner-up from the last Tournament, and the father of our three-time winner, can we hear it for Bardock?" Dad got particularly loud applause. "Vegeta, a Saiyan with something to prove, let's give him some noise!" The Prince ate up the applause like it was candy. "This man needs no introduction. Back for the fourth time running, SON GOKU!" I honestly almost covered my ears, it got so loud. Man, I was popular. "And finally, the man who publically declared he's coming for Goku's throne, let's wish him luck, Satan!" The afroed man trembled but put on a brave face for the cameras.

Six of us retreated to the observation booth alongside the Announcer, while Frieza and Piccolo faced each other. Frieza tilted his head. "I know that look in your eye. You intend to honestly fight me. Yet you know better than most the full scope of my power. Are you hungry for a beating or do you have some secret weapon?"

Piccolo chuckled and threw his weighted turban and cloak off the stage to make craters. "I'm no masochist. But I finally got a trick down that should put me in the same league as you."

Frieza waved a hand. "Then by all means, show me. I'm quite curious."

"Ready? Fight!" The referee called.

Piccolo went into a power stance. "Super Namekian God!" He bellowed, before a familiar ruby aura surrounded my green lover.

I smiled proudly even as the others beside me gaped. "Knew he'd get the knack eventually."

Frieza clapped unironically. "Impressive! You've discovered Goku's method of converting your mortal ki to divine ki. But your efficiency must be low, if I'm sensing right then you're not even over 100B."

"Give me a break, I've had less than 30 days to work on this," Piccolo grumbled.

"Then I suppose this will be a race, between your ability to hold that form and my ability to do this: Kaio-ken x5!" A slightly different red aura surrounded Frieza. And then the two vanished.

My kids fighting? That was nothing. If the stadium weren't the sturdiest building in the solar system, it would have shaken to pieces from the ripples of Frieza and Piccolo colliding. Even through the force fields, the audience felt gusts of wind and waves of impact. I alone was able to keep up with their fight. Frieza had the edge in power, Piccolo in technique. But Piccolo had the more draining form. They battled for five minutes, a subjective eternity at the speeds they were moving, before my husband appeared on the stage with his hand raised. "I forfeit," he said simply, before spitting out a blood clot.

The Announcer seemed to be in shock. "Un… UNBELIEVABLE! They moved so fast that not even our cameras could keep up! Is this what the upper tier of fighting looks like? Frieza will go on, but let's hear some love for both these amazing fighters!"

Medics handed Piccolo and a slightly less battered Frieza Sage Pills. Piccolo flew up into the stands while Frieza went into the observation booth just as Tien and Lazuli were leaving. The two humans faced each other on the stage.

Lazuli twirled her hair. "Look, we both know I'm, like, over a dozen times stronger than you. Sure you want to embarrass yourself in front of your students?"

Tien rolled all three eyes. "I've been training to handle a freaking Super Saiyan. A Bio-Android doesn't scare me."

Lazuli shrugged. "Your beatdown."

Her arrogance proved her downfall. The moment the match was called, Tien used Instant Transmission to appear behind Lazuli. Going Kaio-ken x100 in an instant, he'd dipped his hand into her flesh like it was butter to pull out her power core. Her augments rendered offline, she was nothing more than an ordinary woman with expensive implants and a hole in her back.

Fortunately, Dr. Gero himself had attended the tournament. A few minutes of surgery and a Sage Pill and Lazuli was right as rain. Humbled and reminded there was always a bigger fish, she nodded at Tien before joining Krillin in the stands.

Bardock and Vegeta didn't bother with words for their fight. Both just went Super Saiyan and attacked almost before the referee was done starting the match. Bardock let Vegeta get some good experience, before escalating to Super Saiyan 2. At that point, the fight was a foregone conclusion. Vegeta at least kept his head high after he woke up from getting knocked out for a minute.

And then it was my turn. I smiled at Satan, who looked ready to piss himself. He was over 1M, but that wasn't saying much compared to the rest of us on the Dragon team. "Yo, if you want to get strong as me, I'd be happy to take you on as a student or something. I think our kids will be hanging out anyway, might as well have our own bonding time."

He blinked, before unexpectedly turning red. "How… how dare you? I declared you my rival! I'm not taking lessons from you!" Ah, male pride.

I shrugged. "Well, offer's on the table." Then, the second the match started, I gave him a flick to the forehead that launched him out onto the grass out of bounds.

The Semifinals were practically non-existent. Tien surrendered to Frieza almost before the match started and Bardock just chuckled and walked off the stage when our fight was called. So in a very short amount of time, I was facing my apprentice for the title of best fighter on Earth. Though come to think of it, we'd had contestants from the outer colonies too, so maybe it was really best in the solar system.

We bowed to each other and I said "Standard spar rules. No transformations, no Kaio-ken above x10, ten minutes max. We can have a REAL fight in the HTC or outer space if we want. Agreed?"

"Agreed, master," Frieza complied.

What followed was twice as bad as Frieza and Piccolo's match. Frieza pushed himself to almost a fifth of a trillion in PL, maybe we should just switch to killi as an easier metric. I matched him and focused on winning with technique and actual martial arts. Frieza had been learning a total of 5 months whereas I'd been absorbing distilled fighting experience since I was a toddler. I finally managed to get him in a lock and pin him to the stage. The Announcer remembered his job and counted up to 10, leaving me the winner.

"Incredible! Son Goku has done it again! How long will this streak continue?! Forever perhaps? All I know is I can't wait for the day someone provides an honest challenge to our champion!" The Announcer cheered even as confetti fell from the rafters and I held up the Adult Division trophy for the crowd.

I gathered up my kids and family, wished everyone else a good day, and used Instant Transmission to take us all back to the Mansion.

A week later, I was flying up to Kami's Lookout. The Super Namekian looked up from meditating. "Ah, Goku. Do you need me to babysit? I have a cell phone, you know."

I chuckled. "Nope, here for the HTC. I have a big transformation I want to try and I don't want any chance it'll attract the wrong kind of attention."

Kami perked up. "Is this the combination of all three? The one I believe you've named Super Saiyan Mega?"

"Yep! Going to see if I'll explode or not when I mix the Oozaru enzyme with S-cells and divine ki," I joked, though my possible death was a serious concern. Mixing all that power into one form could prove dangerous. Still, it was worth the risk. I needed to be strong enough to defy Zen-Oh itself.

"Well, you know where the door is," Kami waved towards the temple.

I nodded and went in to the golden double doors. I let myself in and stepped out of my dimension. I walked out into the empty void of the room until the temple was out of view. Then I knelt to meditate.

I ruminated on the three transformations. Oozaru was like fire, my inner animal roaring, every instinct to harm and destroy cranked up to 11, burning through my every cell. The Super Saiyan was lightning, pure energy, tingling every cell into a hyperactive state until I felt high and invincible. The God transformation, for all it's firey aura, was like ice, crystalizing my body into a higher form worthy of the energy of the gods. Fire and Lightning mixed to make Ape, Lightning and Ice made Blue, and Fire and Ice made Oozaru God. I'd mastered those three different forms to my sky-high standards already.

Now it was time to see what the trinity formed when all were mixed simultaneously.

I stood up, calm and serene, in perfect control of my power. I knew from past experience that going into one form and adding another on top of it didn't work. Best to try and access all three at once. I took a deep, preparatory breath, and reached for all three of my transformations at the same time.

There was a flash of unspeakable pain, as if I'd violated some rule my body was never meant to break. And then FREEDOM. I felt light as air, as if my body were weightless or so filled with power that even lifting a building would only take a finger. I grinned, and pulled out a probe from my pocket. I had it scan me and then checked the results.

I basically looked like Super Saiyan Ape, just with silver fur and snow-white hair. And my multiplier was 10,000x my base form. That was an odd facet I noticed: God did not like Super Saiyan. My multiplier as Blue was a mere 1000x, but then again that was on top of the godly conversion. Anyway, I was curious, years from now when I mastered Super Saiyan Mega, what the multipliers would be when I cranked up the gears on the Super Saiyan aspect.

I reverted, and almost immediately went for a Sage Pill. I felt like I had internal bleeding. Mega was hard on a godly body, I could only imagine what it would have done to my mortal body if I'd attempted the transformation before mastering God form.

I was all set to pull out the Ultimate Gravity Chamber and get to work when I heard a knocking throughout the room. I turned and, curious, went to open the door. Kami's panicked face met me.

"What is it, Kami?" I asked.

"You sent out a ripple! The transformation made a shockwave that I could feel from out here! And if I could feel it from out here, then someone could feel it from out THERE!"

I grasped what he meant instantly. "Crap."

Looks like I'd be meeting Beerus and Whis a decade early.


	7. Chapter 7

Kami and I were out on the courtyard of the Lookout. I was pacing back and forth. We were attempting to discuss rationally what to do if my transformation to Super Saiyan Mega and the resultant ki shockwave woke up the God of Destruction ahead of schedule. Well, I was being rational, Kami was just about losing his shit.

"Think, think, think… I could use the Dragon Balls, wish that he stays asleep," I threw out there.

"Shenron MIGHT have the power, but he's terrified of Beerus like every other being weaker than you. He might refuse to cast magic in his general direction."

"Damn. Okay… I could go to his palace! He doesn't have to come here, never has to find out Earth exists!"

"And be kidnapped as his eternal training partner? You'd never see your family again," Kami said, all but chewing on his antennae.

I blew out a breath. "Fuck… just let him come? They're both epicureans, we could bribe them with food to not destroy the planet. And even if they try, there's me and Shenron's magic in between them and Earth."

Kami whimpered. "I wish I could come up with a better idea, but I can't. They'll trace the ripple to here anyway. They'll come to investigate out of boredom if nothing else."

"How long do we have?" I asked. I was obscenely stronger than him, but the older Namekian had better ki sensitivity.

Kami closed his eyes. "The ripple will reach them sometime tomorrow. From all I've heard of the Angels, they make lightspeed seem like a sloth. They could be here within a couple hours of Beerus waking up."

I nodded. "Add a couple hours for him to do his wake-up routine. So tomorrow afternoon? And will they trace it all the way to the Lookout or just to this planet?"

"I don't know," Kami said helplessly.

"Okay. If he comes here, point them in my direction. I'll get on Chi-Chi and Bulma to get a feast set up." I gave my father-in-law a supportive hug and then I flew back to West City.

I touched down and got mobbed by my oldest seven children. "Daddy! We thought you were gone until tomorrow," Xylophone said, already up to my elbow at the tender age of 6.

"So did I. But… did you guys sense a sort of wave a few minutes ago on your ki senses?"

Boxa and Shorts nodded. "Yeah. We thought/ It was you," they said in sync to the syllable.

I nodded. "It was. The problem is, it broke the wish keeping ki from this solar system from escaping. So now a very scary person named Beerus is going to wake up when he feels that shockwave. And he's going to come looking to see where it came from."

Goka tilted his head. "What makes this Beerus guy so scary? He's not stronger than you, is he?"

I sighed but I couldn't lie to them just to shelter them. "I don't know how strong he is, he might be. And he once destroyed a planet like Uncle Frieza used to do just because he didn't like some food he ate there."

Goyi trembled. "This scary guy is coming here?"

I hugged my daughter close. "I'll do everything I can to make sure he doesn't want to fight. And if he does anyway, I'll do everything I can to protect you guys."

"Is there anything we can do?" Longjohn asked, always practical. The boy was 3 going on 30.

"When he and his friend Whis get here, stay out of the way. He doesn't like kids, I don't think."

Flute offered my leg a hug. "We love and trust you, Daddy. You'll protect us from the bad man."

I felt ten feet tall that my son had such faith in me. "Thanks, Flute. I promise to do my best."

"That's all you can do," Bulma spoke up. She, Chi-Chi, Piccolo and Frieza were gathered nearby and listening in. They'd come with the kids in the initial rush to greet me and absorbed the news as I'd talked to my offspring. "What do you need?"

"We need a party here tomorrow. And it has to have the best food in the world. I mean that literally. The survival of the planet might depend on this guy deciding Earth food is too yummy to destroy," I said in all seriousness.

Chi-Chi reached into her pocket and tied her hair back with a kerchief. "Mama is going to work on Son home cooking. Bulma can find whatever caterer will take a last minute contract. Piccolo and you and Frieza, do what you can to train. You're our three strongest fighters, you'll be our first line of defense if things turn violent." With that, she stalked inside toward the industrial kitchen.

Bulma whipped out her cell phone. "What are their tastes?"

"Beerus looks like an anthro Sphinx cat. Not sure if he has a taste for fish or if it's just cosmetic. And Whis eats anything as long as it's tasty," I said, relying on my future memories as much as I dared.

"Sushi it is." Bulma began to prove billionaires always, ALWAYS got their way. She barked orders at the poor receptionist on the other end of the phone.

I turned to Piccolo and Frieza. "You need to work on God and Golden Form. If he takes me out, you two have to step up."

Both nodded solemnly.

We worked through the night, popping Sage Pills like candy as we pushed and broke limits. We finally passed out around 5:00 am. We woke at noon to mouthwatering smells and the clamor of dozens of support staff setting up the party space in the lawn of the Briefs Mansion. My kids were all staying in their rooms, dutifully keeping out of the way. The youngest three were under the firm eye of their grandparents, Briefs and Panchy happy to have the day to take care of the little ones. The Dragon team and the Saiyans of New Sadala had been alerted by Bulma to the situation. Most were coming just to see the literal God of Destruction in the flesh. Vegeta alone wanted to stay far away. He figured if the planet were destroyed, he'd rather it be a surprise than see it inexorably coming and unable to stop it. He'd be spending the day with Mai.

At 3:00 pm, as we were awkwardly loitering around the party, I felt it. Two divine presences entering the atmosphere. Both were cloaked, not at full power, but I had gotten very good at sensing one's potential. Beerus was about 10Qa, and Whis was at least 1Qi. Mind-blowingly high, but possible for me to face with all my mastered transformations and the power of the Kaio-ken. Well, Beerus probably. Whis… I'd rather not find out. Give me another decade to prepare.

I braced myself, and flew up into the atmosphere to meet them.

I paused at the edge of the oxygen layer, and regarded the God of Destruction and Angel for Universe 7. Whis was exactly as I 'remembered': blue skin, white hair, elaborate gold and black robes, and a staff with a crystal orb or gem at the top. Beerus… was notably different.

I bowed. "Greetings, Lord Beerus, Lord Whis. Forgive me, but wasn't Lord Beerus a man?"

The undeniably female anthro cat tsked and picked her teeth with a claw. Below her mantle, a simple cloth band bound small but shapely breasts. "I got bored of being male. I had Whis change me with his magic. Now who the hell are you?"

I mentally shrugged. Genderbent Beerus, didn't make him/her any less deadly. "Well then, Lady Beerus, I'm Son Goku. I'm the Super Saiyan God."

Whis lit up. "Ooh! Like the Oracle Fish foretold! Fifteen years ahead of schedule, but still. This could be the man you've been looking for, Lady Beerus."

Beerus hummed, supremely unconcerned. "That little ripple, was that you? How'd you do that?"

"Saiyans have three different transformations. The Oozaru, the Super Saiyan, and the God transformation. I mastered the God transformation, which permanently changed my mortal ki to divine ki. Yesterday, I combined all three to create Super Saiyan Mega. Apparently, it was strong enough to make a shockwave powerful enough to wake you up," I explained obediently. I could swallow my pride for the sake of my family's safety.

"Eh, lucky for you, I was waking up anyway. Bad dream. So… got any food?" Beerus asked, licking her chops. "Whis forgot to pack lunch."

"Now, now, Lady Beerus, you were in such a hurry to find the source of the disturbance you didn't allow me to pack one," her mentor and de facto babysitter chided.

I grinned and tried not to let them see me sweat. "My family knew you were coming. We've prepared a small party just for you two. Please, follow me."

I flew down back to the Mansion, trailed by two of the most powerful beings in the Universe. We touched down on the grass in the middle of the city, and I announced "Everyone! This is Lady Beerus, God of Destruction, and Lord Whis, her Angel attendent. Please show them all due respect."

"Welcome!" The gathered guests called out.

Whis and Beerus were sniffing like hounds. "So many enticing aromas… this planet's cuisine must be scrumptious!" Whis exclaimed.

Beerus licked her lips to catch the leaking drool. "What would you recommend, Goku?"

I grinned and waved at a booth that held the finest sushi chef in the city. "Sushi. Fresh-cut fish prepared with rice and seaweed and other ingredients. If you have a feline palate, it should be delicious."

Both perked up like I'd just offered free gold and they rushed over to the booth. Five minutes later, they both had their first taste of a sushi sampler platter.

"Tasty!" Beerus declared with an orgasmic expression on her face. I was struck by the thought she was quite cute actually… if it weren't for the fact she was an amoral diety whose life purpose was destroying planets.

"Such a delicate yet rich flavor… I'm in Heaven!" Whis shouted with closed eyes, smiling around his bite.

The chef bowed to them. "Thank you for your kind words."

The two visitors went through the gauntlet of food. When they reached the feast my Chi-Chi had prepared, they went nuts. "Would the chef who cooked this consider moving to my palace?" Beerus asked in all seriousness.

I chuckled and shrugged. "It was my wife Chi-Chi. You can ask but she'll probably say no unless she could visit Earth daily to see our children."

Whis tilted his head. "You're married and have children already? But you're barely 30! You should still be in a playpen."

"We grow up fast on Earth," I demurred. "I have three spouses and ten children."

Beerus whistled. "Damn. You must fuck like rabbits."

"I try to find the energy each night to let them know I love them. And we don't believe in birth control. Somehow, all three seem to get pregnant at the same time. We've had three batches, and Bulma had twins the first time. We're taking a break on the risk days now though until the oldest batch can help babysit. So about another 6 or 7 years before we go for lucky 13."

Beerus looked around. "Are they out here? I'd like to meet them. Kids are cute. Annoying but cute."

I fought down a paternal urge to keep my kids far away from a walking extinction-level event, but what Beerus wanted, Beerus got. I whistled at the house. My ten scrambled out the door and assembled into a line in order of birth. "Yes, Daddy!" They called out.

I smiled and waved at Beerus and Whis. "Kids, this is Lady Beerus, the God of Destruction. And Whis, an Angel and her friend. Please treat them nicely."

The older seven turned and bowed to the two visitors. "Very nice to meet you," they chorused.

"Oh, how adorable," Whis said, clapping like he was presented with trained dogs.

Beerus leaned in to sniff in my kids' direction and turned to regard the other guests. "These brats are stronger than most of the adults here. They born strong or you train them hard?"

"Both," I said simply. "My Goka actually won a tournament for all the planet's youth last week."

Goka blushed and scratched his cheek. "I won with tournament rules. If Xylophone and I actually fought, it might have gone differently."

"Don't sell yourself short. That trick with your tail was genius," my tallest son argued.

Goyi raised a hand. "Daddy? Didn't you say Beerus was a boy?"

I gulped and hoped Beerus wasn't insulted. "Sweetie, there are ways for boys and girls to switch which one they are. Beerus decided to be a girl, so now she's a girl."

"Okay!" My toddler said brightly.

Beerus was scratching her ear. "You know… the food here is pretty good. I could move here just for that. But there's one thing I need to see for myself. The Oracle Fish said the Super Saiyan God would be my perfect match. So let's see how you measure up."

I sighed but nodded. We both flew up into the atmosphere, until we were facing each other with the planet at our feet. I had plenty of Sage Pills on my person, so I should be able to keep on coming. The question was how much and how long was needed to exhaust a literal God. Then again, I was a God too.

Beerus cracked her knuckles. "So, I'm guessing these transformations you talked about make you stronger? Because right now you're less than a thousandth of my power."

I was actually at about 4T in base form, but compared to a woman in the quadrillions, that was nothing. I grit my teeth and hoped I wouldn't regret this. I knew Mega was too harsh and untested to sustain. So I'd have to experiment with something. Luckily, if even old Goku could do it, then I probably could. "Super Saiyan Blue! Kaio-ken x3!" I exclaimed.

My hair turned blue, and a red aura surrounded me. My PL kicked up to around 12Qa, which unless Beerus knew a power-increasing technique, put me slightly above her.

Her eyes widened. "Oh, my…" she drawled. She powered up to her maximum, a purple aura surrounding her as she came up to 10Qa. We both got in our preferred stance.

And then we fought.

For the first time in my life since I fought Grandpa Gohan as a kid, I had the uncomfortable realization that I was up against someone with a better mastery of martial arts than me. I'd heard she wasn't the best student, but she'd still had millions of years to be trained by Whis. For all my manic training, I had been training just a few decades, not even three full ones. She was outmaneuvering me even though I had the edge in speed and strength. At least she was using her arms and legs and not just a finger.

We raced all over the atmosphere, and I don't know if it were by accident or design, but none of her energy blasts went towards the planet. I didn't pause to thank her for her consideration, just continued trying to beat her to a pulp.

It took a couple of hours, during which time I got a dislocated shoulder, broke my kneecap, cracked at least three ribs, and probably ruptured my spleen. But I managed to fake her out with an Afterimage/Multiform combination that tricked her so I could get a hand around her neck. I choked her out ruthlessly, and she went limp in my arms. Popping a Sage Pill after dropping my transformation, I picked her body up bridal style. Then I used Instant Transmission to get to the Briefs Mansion.

Everyone looked up as I appeared from thin air, carrying Beerus unconscious in my arms.

"Daddy won!" Goka declared in a cheer.

I gently set Beerus on the ground and smiled at my son. "Was there ever any doubt?"

"Oh, a great deal," Whis said nonchalantly. "You may be the first person born mortal in this Universe that has surpassed the God of Destruction. I should learn to take the Oracle Fish at his word. You really are the perfect match for Lady Beerus."

I shrugged and got a Sage Pill into her mouth. I massaged her throat and she swallowed. She sat up suddenly. She looked up at me incredulous. "Did… did I just _lose_?"

I chuckled. "If it helps, that was the toughest fight of my life."

"Of course it was, it was with me," she said with the casual arrogance of Gods and cats. "Well, that does it. This planet has delicious food and you're the training partner I always wanted. Whis, we're moving here!" She said imperiously.

"Of course, Lady Beerus," the Angel said before trying some takoyaki. "Sublime!"

At that moment, I felt a burning on my left pectoral. I blinked and stared at Beerus. A very familiar tattoo was appearing on her left breast above the cloth band. I gaped. "Huh. So I'm THAT kind of perfect match," I mused dumbly.

"What the hell is this thing?" Beerus demanded.

"Soul marks. Residents of Earth get matching tattoos with the person or people they're meant to spend their lives with," I answered even as my three other mates rushed over.

Longjohn, who'd been watching the whole while, blinked. "Does this mean Daddy is going to marry Lady Beerus too?"

Beerus shot to her feet. "Whoa, whoa, whoa! Marriage? We just met!"

I sighed and pulled aside my gi to show my own tattoo, which now had a purple cat head on the fourth orbit. "We don't have to get married today. But you wouldn't have this if you wouldn't ultimately be most happy settling down with me and my family."

Whis clapped his hands. "What a delightful concept! And weren't you saying just a few decades ago how lonely you were and how you wanted a good, strong man to grab you by the neck and-"

"Okay, Whis, there's kids present!" Bulma cut off. "Anyway, I prepared suites for both of you. Beerus is of course welcome to join the four of us if she wants, but that's up to her."

Deciding to ignore the implications of the soul mark, Beerus and Whis decided to keep eating until they'd tried everything multiple times. They weren't finished until the sun went down. I thought Saiyans had big appetites.

The party over, the two visitors came into the Mansion to witness the craziness of a night in the Son household. Chi-Chi cooked a 'small' dinner for us all, and then I volunteered to entertain the older seven while my mates clutched the babies and discussed 'mom' topics. Beerus laughed until she cried when I played pony for Goyi. I was immune to embarrassment; anything for my kids.

Then it was bathtime, and that was always a circus. The First Four cleaned themselves in the shower under a watchful eye from one of us before going to soak in the pool-sized tub. Then Piccolo and I would scrub the middle three while Bulma and Chi-Chi wrangled the youngest into baby baths. Then the babies would be dried and tucked in, the middle batch got 1 hour before bedtime, and the oldest ones got 2. Only then could we parents enjoy a nice bath.

Piccolo and Chi-Chi shucked their clothes without thought and went for the shower. I had just taken off my gi when I heard Bulma open the door. "Aren't you going to join us? We won't touch you and you don't have to touch. Unless you want." I could practically hear the flirty wink. I turned, and saw Beerus slip into our massive bathroom with a nervous expression. I grinned and took off my pants. I think she gasped when she saw my ass, but I just waved my tail in her direction and focused on joining my other mates.

Bulma joined us shortly, and after a minute of just staring at our naked forms, Beerus slid out of her own clothes. We all smiled and greeted her warmly into the shower. She had a perfect hourglass figure, I'm convinced the muscles for her tail inflated her ass, and her pussy was hairless and perfect. I got some lead in my pencil showering with a new, sexy woman, but I fought it down. No need to give off the wrong impression. This was about bonding, not sex.

"So, Beerus, good food and a good fight every day. That's the key to keeping you happy?" I asked to clarify.

She sniffed the body wash we handed her and deemed it acceptable. "Pretty much. Throw in good sex and that's me content. I haven't had all three in one day in millenia."

Chi-Chi chuckled. "Well, I'm sure our Goku won't disappoint."

Beerus and I both blushed.

"Do you have a process for destroying planets to recycle the elements or is it just at random?" Bulma asked, no judgment, pure curiosity.

"Not completely random. I try their food if they have life. If I like it, I spare the planet." Beerus was utterly nonchalant about the whole thing.

I felt Piccolo reach out a tendril of ki and link it to mine. "What would happen if you used the Corruption Correction on her?" He asked me telepathically.

"I doubt anything would come up. She's not evil, just apathetic. She isn't cruel, she just honestly doesn't value mortal life. She thinks no more of wiping out a civilization than you would of squashing an ant."

"What are you two whispering about over there?" Beerus asked, because of course she sensed our ki exchange.

"We're discussing a technique I use to clean my enemies' minds. I used it on Frieza, that's why he was so polite," I said easily.

"So that WAS Frieza! I thought I recognized him. Huh, powerful technique, if it got the stick out that guy's ass," Beerus snapped her fingers.

We transitioned to the steaming hot bathtub. We all sighed as we relaxed into the water. Beerus slid down until her jaw touched the surface. "So, Goku, how'd you get so strong? From all I hear, you were self-taught. How'd you beat me when I had Whis and a few million years' head start?"

I debated how to answer and figured the truth might be best. "You ever hear of a Replacement Reincarnation?"

She slipped underwater and stood up, sputtering. I was distracted by the way her breasts swayed with her movements. She sat down and stared at me like I was, well, an extradimensional being. "I know they involve powers above even Lord Zen-Oh's pay grade. So, what, you're a transmigrant with a cheat sheet?"

"Pretty much," I shrugged. "I mean, I don't remember my old life. For all intents and purposes, I'm Son Goku. I just happened to get 43 years' worth of memories of an alternate version of me when I first woke up. I knew you existed when I was 3. And every day since, I've been striving to surpass you, Whis, even the Supreme Angel. Can't protect my loved ones from you if I can't beat you."

Beerus blinked before throwing back her head and laughing. "Beat the Supreme Angel! That's a good one! You realize he's the literal BEST in the Multiverse?"

I shrugged. "Give me a few more years. We'll see."

Beerus chuckled and traced the soul mark. "You know… now that I think about it, you're exactly what I would want in a husband or wife. Strong and set to get stronger. Heart of gold. Come with a free cook. Drop dead gorgeous. If you're good in bed, it's like I wished for you with the Dragon Balls."

Chi-Chi perked up. "You know about the Dragon Balls?"

Beerus returned her stare blankly. "You do? Where do you people get your information?"

"A magical computer with all the knowledge in the Universe. But let me clear this up. Chi-Chi, Beerus means the original, Ultimate Dragon Balls hidden throughout the Universes. They're the size of planets and summon Zalama, not Shenron. Our Dragon Balls here on Earth are a pale reflection of their power," I lectured.

Beerus gaped. "You have your own discount Dragon Balls?"

Piccolo frowned. "My father worked hard on them, you know."

"Well, come on! I have a wish that needs fulfilling ASAP! And I don't think Whis would give me this one!" She dried off with a flare of ki and almost forgot to put her clothes back on in her haste. We all sighed but followed after her. What Beerus wanted, Beerus got.

We led her to the Inner Sanctum, Beerus seeming to find all the security quaint. We showed her the Dragon Balls and she immediately gathered them up and set them on the floor. "So? What's the activation spell?" She asked, tapping her foot.

Rolling my eyes at her impatience, I said "I am a friend," in Namekian before switching to Standard and saying "Arise, Shenron, and grant me a wish!"

There was the usual thunder and lightning, even in an enclosed room. Then the twisting form of Shenron emerged from the light of the glowing jewels. " **You who have summoned me, I will grant you- Lady Beerus!** " My mates and I got the rare honor of seeing a dragon cower. " **W-w-what are you doing here**?" Asked the terrified wish granter.

"I got a wish for you. Think you're up for it?" Beerus asked unimpressed.

" **I'll do my best!** " Shenron vowed.

"In the main bedroom of this house, I wish the bed were replaced with the comfiest bed with the comfiest pillows in the Universe, reinforced to withstand two Gods having rough sex on it without breaking. Can you manage that?"

Shenron's eyes glowed briefly. " **Your wish is granted.** "

"Good… shouldn't he be dispelling by now?" Beerus asked us after a minute.

"Not as powerful as Zalama but with more stamina. Shenron grants three wishes at a time," I explained.

Beerus' face lit up like a little girl told Yule had come early. "Really? Then I wish for a jar, no a jug, no no, a pot of the finest, tastiest catnip jelly in the Universe!"

A glass pot filled with light purple gel appeared on the ground at her feet. " **Your wish is granted**."

Beerus turned bright eyes on us. "I'm so happy, you take the last one!"

I grinned and scrounged my brain for a useful wish. "I wish the Earth's moon would stop emitting Blutz waves." There, no more worrying that one of the kids would look up at the full moon despite our warnings.

" **Your wish is granted**." With that, he vanished and the balls rose into the air. I caught them all within a second of them being sent to the corners of the world. No need for them to blow holes in the walls.

Beerus was sniffing the jelly like a connoisseur. "Just the smell of this is making me drool! I could eat the whole thing right now… but I won't. This treat deserves to be savored. This baby needs to last at least a year. That's how long the Dragon Balls take to recharge, right?"

"Yeah," I said, tucking the stone orbs into their safe and locking it with a quick 8-digit combination and iris scan. Bulma didn't joke when it came to security. That done, I came up behind Beerus and gently removed the pot from her hands to set it on the ground. Then I wrapped the goddess in my arms.

She froze as she felt my muscled form against her back. I leaned in to whisper in her ear. "So, any plans to test out OUR new bed?"

She regained her confidence and began to subtly grind against my front. "Like I said, good food, good fight, good sex. I've only had two so far, need all three to make the day perfect."

I winked at my other mates and then used Instant Transmission to teleport me and Beerus to the bedroom. I idly noted our new bed was twice the size of our old one, which had already been enormous. I focused more on the woman in my arms though. I kissed her neck and began to disrobe her, my sure fingers handling her simple clothes to leave her naked in my grasp. I knelt to worship that callipygian ass, kissing and nuzzling it. Banking on our tails being similar, I reached up a finger to scratch the underside near the base.

She tensed up in a bad way. "Yeow! Too much too soon! Save that for when I'm near the edge."

"Sorry," I apologized, standing up and turning her to face me. She had the smallest breasts of my female mates, but they were undeniably perky and had the perfect amount of bounce. I grinned and slid out of my own clothes, leaving us naked as the day we were born. She admired me much as she subtly had in the shower, licking her lips when she saw my hard and leaking cock. "Well-hung too. You really are my perfect match."

"Out of curiosity, how would this have worked if you'd stayed male?" I asked, wondering.

"Probably would have made Whis turn you female without your permission," she said unabashed. "I don't mind gay stuff, but I don't bottom and I get the sense you're a total top."

"Well, I let Bulma and Piccolo fuck me every now and again. Chi-Chi was never interested," I said honestly.

Beerus' eyes lit up. "So considerate. Maybe one day I'll change back and give you a ride for a night. Otherwise, I'm staying female. I like having breasts, and multiple orgasms rock!"

I chuckled. "Whatever you want, m'lady."

Beerus grinned wide. "You know, when you say it, it doesn't sound respectful… it sounds sexy."

"My Lady Beerus," I drawled, leaning in close to kiss her.

We made out for a while, grinding as I pushed my weeping dick against her belly. Her long tongue explored my mouth like I was just another dish for her to savor. Then she pulled back and said "Let's get this show on the road!" With that, she jumped back onto the bed. She blinked, and then leaned back to luxuriate on it. "That dragon does good work!"

I crawled into the bed myself. I noted it was fluffy as a cloud and yet supportive in all the right ways. Truly the comfiest bed in the Universe, evidently. But my attention was mainly on the God I intended to claim as my woman. I boldly grabbed one of her tits and gave a firm squeeze. She undeniably purred.

We wound up trading oral sex. She savored my meat like it was a rare sausage, and lapped up my 'cream' with obvious relish. Determined to repay the favor, I went down on her until my tongue was numb and my face was glazed like a donut. Her nectar was an interesting flavor, distinct from any of my other mates. When I finally sat back up, she was mad with lust. She pulled back her knees to expose herself and cried "Get in here before I cut it off and stick it in myself!"

Eager to comply, I laid down on top of her at the right angle and plunged my manhood into her soaking pussy.

It occured to me as we fucked that I'd never made love to someone stronger than me. Even as I thrust in and out of Beerus, I couldn't help but compare her to my other mates. Bulma and Chi-Chi were delicate flowers I constantly had to restrain myself from breaking. Pleasurable to be with, immensely so, but fragile. Piccolo was made of sterner stuff. I could cut loose with him, but only to a certain degree. I still had to hold back a bit lest a careless thrust break his pelvis. But with Beerus, it was the opposite problem. I had to transform to overpower her. I could feel her greater strength in every muscle, from her arms around my shoulders to her inner walls trying to squeeze my prick off. If I DIDN'T go all out, she might not even feel me. So, for the first time ever, I let go and tried to pound my partner into a pulp with nothing held back.

I was above average in length and girth downstairs, I had stamina in buckets, I had tons of experience with three different lovers of distinct tastes and preferences, and I had boundless enthusiasm to please my partner. I didn't hesitate to think of myself as one of the best lovers on Earth. Beerus certainly had no complaints, based on the total 'ahegao' expression on her face. I humped her through two climaxes and managed to synch up a third with me tumbling over the edge to unload my balls at the gates of her womb. I laid on her soft yet firm warrior body like a pillow as I caught my breath. She cradled me, nuzzling my head with her nose. Our tails entertwined below us.

"Well, guess that proves the bed's reinforced," Bulma said dryly from the side. We turned to face the door and saw my spouses naked and watching the show. I recognized the sated look in my women's eyes and the glistening on Piccolo's third 'antenna'. Guess they'd REALLY enjoyed watching me and Beerus.

"Hey, guys. What happened after we left?" I asked, unashamed to be seen still inside a woman I'd met just that day in front of my wives and husband. The soul mark guaranteed it was forever, Beerus just hadn't grasped that yet but we had.

"We put the jelly in its own spot in the Sanctum, tucked the middle three into bed, made sure the First Four weren't burning down their rooms, and then we came here to watch a God of Destruction and a Saiyan God get busy," Chi-Chi said with a naughty grin. She'd come a long way from the blushing virgin of our wedding day.

Beerus rolled her eyes. "I only go into heat once a decade. I'm a couple years away from even the chance of popping out a kitten. Now get in here. If I'm joining this group marriage thing, I want to enjoy a proper cuddle pile."

The other three all got on the bed, Piccolo spooning Chi-Chi as she cuddled up to Beerus while I slid out of her to spoon her, Bulma molding to my back.

"Good night, my loves," I said tenderly.

"Night-night, Goku-woku," Chi-Chi mumbled, already half-asleep with her face in Beerus' chest.

"Sweet dreams," Piccolo wished before closing his eyes.

"The first of many perfect days," Beerus purred before passing out.

Bulma whispered in my ear after five minutes of silence. "Think we can have a quick romp without waking them?"

The mattress turned out to be VERY shock absorbent.

The next day, most of us were woken by the clock radio that played an upbeat classical music piece to coax us out of bed. We all got dressed and turned to regard Beerus, who was sleeping like the dead.

"Should we get a bucket of water?" Chi-Chi asked after ten minutes of shaking and name-calling didn't work.

"She uses gigaton bombs as alarm clocks, not sure she'd even feel it," I mused.

"Should we get Whis?" Bulma wondered.

Piccolo rubbed his chin. "Breakfast!" He called out in full voice.

"Where?" Beerus demanded, up and scouring the room with her eyes.

We all chuckled. "Sorry. Just trying to wake you up. Chi-Chi is about to go cook breakfast though. What do you like in your omelette?"

"I feel like pork and dairy this morning," Beerus mused, rubbing her gummy eyes and heedless of her nudity.

"Ham and cheese it is," Chi-Chi mused as she left for the kitchen. She had a small army of assistants to help her cook the meals each day, but she put her personal touch of Mama love into every dish.

"I'll go check in on Whis," Bulma volunteered, leaving after her sister-wife.

"That leaves me to wake up the kids," Piccolo shrugged before leaving.

"Take a Multiform!" I called after him as I made the ki clone and sent it in his wake.

Beerus paused in putting on her harem pants. "You can make copies of yourself?"

"Yes, but I split my strength between all of them. So a gangbang from me would feel like two or three weaker versions of what you got last night," I explained to my newest lover.

Beerus paused. "Any chance you could transform while we're getting nasty?"

"That would make it more work than fun to me, but if you insist," I allowed.

She shrugged. "I suppose the solution is to make you stronger in your base form so you can afford to split your strength. Now, food!"

I chuckled and led Beerus down to the dining room. My future wife was a woman of simple taste.

"Morning, Son Family," I called as I took my place at the head of the table, Beerus taking Bulma's preferred spot to my right.

"Morning, Daddy!" Called seven little voices. The littlest three managed to babble something, so they at least recognized the greeting.

Flute came up to Beerus with a piece of paper in his hand. "Lady Beerus? I drew a picture of you."

"Oh? Let me see," the goddess commanded, taking the paper. She blinked at the high quality given it was sketched by a 3 year old. It was Beerus, holding a bouquet of water lilies and dressed in a wedding dress in the same theme as her usual vestments, reminiscent of ancient desert kingdoms. I particularly liked the gentle smile on her lips. "What's this?"

"That's you when you marry Daddy like Mommy, Mama, and Papa did. What do you want us to call you when you join the family?" Flute asked without any guile.

Beerus blinked suddenly watery eyes. She shook her head and handed the picture back. "Call me Lady Beerus until then. But after the wedding… you all can call me Mima."

"Okay, Lady Beerus," my gentlest child said before returning to his seat.

Whis chuckled. "I had no idea you could be so sentimental, Lady Beerus."

"Shut up, Whis!" Beerus roared loud enough to rattle the cutlery.

I left the pair who'd been together longer than mankind had a history to their bickering while I engaged in morning conversation with my kids and spouses. This would probably become the new normal. Then Chi-Chi and the help (I tried to learn their names but gave up since we had such high turnover; most couldn't handle our crazy household) brought out 13 individualized 10-egg omelettes and three baby meals for the weaning three. Gozo and Gong liked solid food, but Jockstrap refused anything but Bulma's breast some days. We figured it was separation anxiety more than a food preference, no way he was getting enough calories at his size from just milk.

We all enjoyed our tasty breakfast, and then I clapped my hands when all our plates were cleared. "Okay, everyone! Here's the plan for the day. Kids, Family Fighting Fun-Time is at 3:00, play with the nanny, Mama and each other until then. Whis, Beerus and I will be in the Gravity Chamber until then. Piccolo, I want you to cover Frieza's training until he leaves, okay? And Bulma, if Whis can magic you the materials, I want you to rough out a design for an even stronger Gravity Chamber. We need to shift a weight class or two up for Beerus to get any benefit."

Beerus rose a brow. "You want me to get even stronger?"

"I want everyone I love to do their absolute best. If this is your full potential, then good for you for getting here. But I'm willing to bet you can climb higher," I said with a grin.

Beerus blushed but nodded.

We all left the table to do our assigned tasks. I led the two newcomers to the Ultimate Gravity Chamber and let them in, explaining its function. "We can go as high as 10,000x Earth's natural gravity."

Beerus nodded, impressed just a bit. "I might actually feel that."

"Your wife must be a genius to invent something like this," Whis complimented.

"She's a wonder, alright. So, here's what I was thinking. I'll take the form that made the ripple that brought you here. Then we fight at max gravity. Every half hour or so, we can take a break and Whis can give us constructive criticism. Sound good?"

Beerus cricked her neck. "Sure. If it's stronger than that form you took yesterday, this could be the most excitement I've had this eon."

I nodded, and then I focused. Hoping this would hurt less this time, I went Super Saiyan Mega. I blinked as the white aura surrounded me and my body shifted into a more simian shape.

Whis blinked. "Ooh! How interesting! You're four times stronger than Lady Beerus like this! And you look so intimidating!"

Beerus was drooling. "Sure you won't fuck me outside base form?"

I scratched my head. "MAYBE when I master this form and I don't even feel it. I fucked Bulma as a Super Saiyan once. We could try Super Saiyan Ape, I got that down years ago. It's a lot weaker and the coloring's different, but my body's the same."

"We'll discuss this later. Now crank up the power for this room and let's see if I can't win this rematch." Beerus eyed me like I was a mouse or fish she would love to pounce on.

I shrugged and hit the right buttons on the control panel.

At 40Qa, max gravity was akin to 2x or 3x when I first started out back when I was 13. It was a bit harder to move, but nothing debilitating. I turned to Beerus and got into my stance.

I don't know if she just didn't take me seriously yesterday or if I'd lit a fire under her sculpted ass, but even with my overwhelming power advantage, Beerus gave me trouble. I managed to hit her, but it took two or three tries for each point of contact and she got just as many counterblows. She was slippery as an eel and seemed to know my next three moves before I made them, outmaneuvering me like a chess master. It was maddening, but also undeniably thrilling. I was practically aroused, my physical excitement was so high.

"Time!" Whis called, measuring time down to the attosecond no doubt with his magic staff. "Goku, you're doing remarkably well for someone who hasn't endured angelic training. But you're aiming for where Lady Beerus is, not where she will be. Lady Beerus, you're still overthinking your movements. Your body must move without your conscious command."

"You're talking about Ultra Instinct, right?" I asked, deactivating the gravity, dropping Mega and popping a Sage Pill. I offered one to Beerus, who took it with curiosity and seemed amazed at the result when she swallowed.

Whis clapped. "You're very well informed! The Archive truly must know everything. Anyway, yes. To achieve Ultra Instinct, your every muscle must be trained to do what it must without needing instruction from your brain. Your fighting technique must become as ingrained as reflex. When you can sleepwalk untouched through a warzone, you will have come close to achieving this state of ultimate battle readiness."

I nodded. "Cool. Anyway, we can't crank the gravity any higher, but there's a technique to increase personal gravity. We should use that."

I taught Beerus the Mass Magnifier, and she proved to have a very intuitive understanding of ki techniques. I transformed again, reactivated the gravity, and quintupled the load on my shoulders. She did the same and we clashed again.

We fought in half hour increments until lunch, Whis offering simple but insightful advice on how to improve our styles. At lunchtime, I led them back to the dining room. Chi-Chi had made her usual sandwich buffet complete with sides. If Beerus and I were a bit ripe, no one felt the need to comment. As we sat down to eat, Beerus turned to Frieza, whom had slipped quietly in along with Piccolo.

"So, Frieza, what's it like being a good guy?"

Frieza swallowed his bite and answered very respectfully. "I struggle with my shame and guilt from my actions prior to Goku purifying me constantly. But otherwise, I'm much happier and more productive, and my underlings seem to appreciate my change in behavior. I only hope that when I report to my father and take his throne from him, I won't have to kill him."

Goka tilted his head. "I thought the PTO was just a business like Capsule Corps. How come it has a throne?"

Frieza grinned at my son. "The PTO was founded by my ancestor, who was also the king of Arcos, my home planet. Overtime, the CEO position and the crown merged into one office. So my father, King Cold, is not just the head of the PTO, but the reigning monarch of Arcos."

Longjohn looked up from his food. "Uncle Frieza, are you a boy or a girl? You don't wear clothes but you don't have boy or girl parts. How's that work?"

Frieza blushed. "Um, you know how your Papa is a boy and a girl at the same time? Well, Frost Demons are neither. We're asexual, which means we don't need to be a boy or a girl."

"Then how do you guys have kids?" Xylophone asked.

"We lay eggs which hatch into clones which we call 'sons' just because, while we're neither male or female, we have a more masculine shape."

Bulma furrowed her brow. "If you're clones, why aren't you identical to your father? Why is your brother different?"

Frieza seemed uncomfortable discussing his race's reproductive process, but he answered. "Something I didn't mention is that we lay our eggs in dying stars. The energy from the supernova mutates us as we hatch. I was laid in a very large star, hence my record-breaking Power Level at birth."

I blinked. "Wow. That's a hell of a way to be born, in the ashes of a stellar explosion. And are you born a baby like us mammals or are you full formed at birth?"

"Our brains and bodies are fully grown once we hatch, we need a few weeks to absorb information so we transition from dumb animals to sapient beings. I was… quite unruly as a child. I vaporized my first dozen instructors before my father took over personally," Frieza admitted.

Chi-Chi nodded before turning to our other guests. "Whis, Beerus? Why do you and the other Angels and Gods of Destruction have alcohol themed names?"

Beerus shrugged as she swallowed half a tuna salad sandwich with one chew. "Lord Zen-Oh had drinks on its mind when it made us? No idea, I've never really thought about it."

Whis giggled to himself. "Naming conventions are so funny. Like Frieza's family's references to cold or Bulma's family's references to undergarments. Such a silly idea. Now, this is called a BLT?"

"Yes, for the three ingredients: bacon, lettuce, and tomato. Well, not counting the bread and mayonnaise," Piccolo answered.

"So simple and yet such a potent combination!" the Angel exclaimed.

Boxa and Shorts paused in having some coleslaw. "Daddy? Can we/ Become Gods like you?"

I swallowed and nodded. "Of course, sweethearts. You can learn my and Papa's trick of converting your ki. Or, there's enough of us that we can do it the old-fashioned way and do the Super Saiyan God ritual. I don't want you trying until you're 18 though. I don't know if you'd stop aging or not once you're not mortal anymore, and I don't think any of you want to be stuck as kids for the rest of your life."

My oldest seven all stuck out their tongues at the thought. I laughed out loud. They were all my joy.

Beerus and I gave it a half hour to digest and then we resumed training. At 3:00 on the dot, I cancelled the fight and let in my oldest seven. Beerus and Whis decided to watch as I set the gravity at a simple 100x and had the First Four spar under a Multiform's supervision while I led the middle three through calisthenic drills. Family Fighting Fun-Time lasted four hours, and every other hour was spent meditating rather than fighting. The First Four meditated while in Super Saiyan so they could master the form. I figured once they got the hang of it I'd try to teach them Oozaru rather than going straight to Super Saiyan 2. I could handle their Oozaru forms in base form easy, even splitting into a Multiform for each one. I fully desired them to master all their transformations the same way I was.

I led the troops to dinner, and we discovered Chi-Chi had decided on pasta tonight. We all customized our plates with sauces and toppings of spaghetti for the main course, with lasagne and mac and cheese for sides. And salad, of course, had to have those veggies. Bulma talked shop with Whis, inquiring as to the strength of the materials he could conjure with magic. Chi-Chi soaked up the familial bliss of all of us sharing a meal. Piccolo reported that Frieza was picking up martial arts at an impressive rate, and might 'graduate' from training in a few more weeks. He'd be nowhere near his maximum power, but he'd have a solid foundation of fighting skills and the know-how on how to properly train in the future.

Beerus regarded it all after trying everything and having foodgasms with each new dish. "Yeah… I could see myself as part of this family. Might have to leave on day trips to break a planet or two now and again for my job, but otherwise… I would be happy if every day was like today."

I grinned around a mouthful of carbonara and kissed her cheek, getting tickled by her whiskers. "Happy to have you, babe. Feel free to move your palace here if you want, we can find some space for it."

Beerus shrugged. "I have a bed and food, that's me good. That palace is really more for Whis. For a glorified butler, he sure is snobby."

"I heard that, Lady Beerus," Whis said.

"Well, I said it loud," she fired back.

After dinner, we all went to the home theater and settled in for our regular movie night. I cuddled Gozo and Gong in my lap while Bulma dealt with a fussing Jockstrap. The other kids and my mates just enjoyed the film alongside our newest additions. I wasn't sure what to think of Whis, but he seemed to be making himself comfortable. Afterwards, it was bathtime chaos. Beerus was much more tactile with me in the shower and insisted on sitting on my lap in the bath.

"So, Beerus. You spent millions of years with Whis as the only man around. Did you ever…" Bulma trailed off leadingly.

Beerus heaved like she was going to puke. "I'd rather fuck my brother Champa. I'm no racist but he's an ANGEL. They're the first race ever made after Zen-Oh willed itself into existence. I have no idea how much older than me he is, not that I'm an ageist either, but my point is he's my teacher. And besides that, he's 'other'. He's fundamentally different from me on too many levels. He's my assistant-slash-supervisor, never a fuck buddy. I tolerate him, probably love him the way you love that one annoying friend you can't get rid of, but I don't even want to see him naked, let alone let him inside me."

"The feeling's mutual, Lady Beerus!" Whis called through the wall, because of course his senses were that sharp.

Chi-Chi scratched her head. "Question. The Angels aren't asexual like Frieza, they're distinctly male or female. But they're all related. Where's their mother? Can they have kids with other species?"

Whis appeared in a flash of light, not even blinking at intruding our privacy. "To answer your question, Mrs. Son, my father was personally made by Lord Zen-Oh. Then Lord Zen-Oh created my siblings according to my father's designs. In a way, I suppose Lord Zen-Oh is my mother. As for my family's reproductive urges, we have none. Sex is a pleasurable but unnecessary pasttime. And we're all sterile by design, so that we cannot be distracted from our duty by children. One of my sisters is in a long-term relationship with her charge, but otherwise I don't believe any of my siblings dabble in romance."

I got over the oddness of a stranger seeing me and my mates in the bath and asked "What happened to the Angels for the Universes Zen-Oh destroyed?"

Whis gave an enigmatic smile. "They were reassigned."

Piccolo nodded. "Thanks for answering. Now kindly get the hell out of our bathroom."

Whis chuckled to himself and disappeared the same way he arrived.

Beerus turned to Bulma. "See what I mean?"

"I'm getting an inkling."

We dried off then went to bed. Where I made a Multiform for all four of them and did my college best to send us all into pleasure comas. Beerus was actually tired out from sparring half the day, so she was done about the same time as the others were. I reabsorbed my clones, settled down in the middle of the bed, and wrapped all of them in my long arms.

The next year passed with days that were almost identical to that first one. Three meals a day, training myself, Beerus, and my kids, nightly lovemaking to my gorgeous mates except the few days they were ovulating. Once a week we took an off day to rest, since not even Gods could work 24/7 and not burn out. We treated Whis and Beerus to the wonders of Earth, including an annual food festival that offered free samples of some of the best chefs in the world's cooking. I slowly but surely mastered Super Saiyan Mega until I could walk around at a PL of 10 while transformed. I'd anticipated taking much longer to master it, but using it almost daily in spars with Beerus and occasionally Whis helped my control much more than just exercising and sparring myself. My PL at base form had more than doubled to 10T, and Beerus had gone up from 10Qa to 25Qa. I was still 4x stronger than her when I transformed, but she'd picked up the Kaio-ken easy. She could overpower me so long as I didn't use the same technique.

I'd gotten a more accurate read of Whis from fighting him a few times. His PL was approximately 7Qi, and I KNEW he wasn't the strongest of the Angels. I still had a long way to go if I wanted to take the Supreme Angel's title as strongest full stop.

In other news, Frieza had indeed returned to his father about a month after Beerus arrived. He returned 3 months later with the news he'd had to kill his brother, had made his father cower at his feet, and had made the executive decision to move PTO headquarters to Earth. He bought a skyscraper in West City and everything. He spent most of his days running a galactic empire and his home planet simultaneously. He took the time to visit the kids and have a spar with me every now and then.

Piccolo mastered God form, to the point he had his own apotheosis. He was half my power at 5T, and I was unspeakably proud of him for joining me as a divine being. For variety's sake, Beerus deigned to spar Piccolo about once a month. Bulma postulated that my and Piccolo's next baby could be born stronger than the First Four combined with two trillionaires for parents.

Bulma, in an interesting twist, volunteered for the Bio-Android program. She said that not only would it be good for PR, one of the founders of the program participating, but she wanted to stop feeling like a china doll next to titans like me and Beerus. She was around 500M with the latest generation of upgrades, which was still tiny in divine terms but a hell of a lot better than a measly 2. Chi-Chi was perfectly fine staying a simple, organic human. In a way, I appreciated that. She kept things in perspective for me at 10 PL.

The kids grew wonderfully. At age 7, Xylophone was tall as Chi-Chi, and was projected to be tall even for a Namekian. Boxa and Shorts gave up the unison talk and started to show separate interests, growing individually out of the mold of identical twins. Goka had play dates with Videl once a month, and the puppy love was obvious. Goyi started to write her own songs, dazzling us with concerts whenever she finished a project. Longjohn read books almost as tall as he was and could probably skip elementary school entirely at the age of 4. Flute's work actually sold when Bulma anonymously put it on the market, and Flute was very proud that his talent was valued. And the babies started learning how to talk and do basic tasks like feeding themselves, and flew as often as they walked.

Outside our family, Krillin and Lazuli had a beautiful wedding. I don't think Marron would be conceived for a while, though, both focusing on their careers. Tien and Chiaotzu adopted an orphan left on their doorstep, another Triclops they named Lipin, meaning 'gift'. Yamcha and Launch were still living together, though I understood they had an open arrangement. Roshi made another video specifically about ki and meditation, which was a worldwide bestseller. Bardock mastered Super Saiyan 2 and started working on 3. Vegeta cracked 2 and promptly went nuts trying to master it even faster than Bardock. Radditz and Tights welcomed Shallot to the world, and my nephew was perfectly healthy and growing remarkably. Gine raised Parnip and Turip her own way, Bardock having little input past training his third son every day. And the grandparents were all happily living life as normal.

A year to the day Beerus arrived, we all woke up and made preparations. After dressing the sleeping feline in a nightshirt, we let the kids in. When we were ready, I put a dab of her beloved catnip jelly on her nose. She sniffed in her sleep before swiping the purple goo off her nose with her tongue. She shot up and gave a full-body shudder. "Whoo! That's a great way to wake up! What's the occasion?"

"Happy birthday, Beerus!" The whole family cheered.

She blinked. "Wait, what?"

I leaned in to give her a birthday kiss. "It's the anniversary of the day you arrived. Since that's the day your life on Earth started, we decided to make it your birthday! And birthday girls get breakfast in bed."

Chi-Chi laid down a tray laden with Beerus' favorites: Eggs Benedict with prosciutto-wrapped asparagus, sashimi, pistachio pancakes, and a glass of sparkling blood orange juice. Beerus had wide eyes with water at the edge.

"Lady Beerus! Lady Beerus!" My kids called. The God of Destruction looked up and saw the kids all had cat ears and whiskers painted on their smiling faces. "We're cats like you today!" Goyi announced brightly.

Beerus covered her mouth as she lost the fight against crying.

Xylophone hunched his shoulders. "Happy tears?" He asked hopefully.

"Happy tears," Beerus confirmed as she blinked away streams of saline. "This is the sweetest thing anyone's ever done for me."

Whis pursed his lips. "What about the time I-"

"Whatever it was, this tops it," Beerus said flatly.

Whis sighed. "This is a thankless job."

Piccolo grinned knowingly. "I think I see something at the bottom of your glass."

Beerus wiped her eyes and sucked down the juice. She peered at the bottom of the flute. Her jaw dropped when she saw the round cut 9-carat diamond ring laying at the bottom.

"I figured a goddess deserves a big rock. One carat for all 9 lives," I joked.

"I don't know what to say," she said faintly.

"Say yes! We want you as our Mima!" Flute spoke up, a cherubic grin on his green face.

Beerus got a blinding grin and slid the ring on her left finger. "Yes I'll be your wife, Goku, and Mima to your horde of kittens."

"Yay!" The children cheered, all of us smiling at their happiness.

Bulma went to the closet and pulled out a wedding dress identical to the one Flute had drawn last year. "Come on. I've got an officiant to do the ceremony and a notary to add you to our marriage certificate. I've been planning this wedding brunch for a month, get moving!"

We all got dressed for a morning wedding. I was pleased to discover my wedding tux still fit like a glove. Beerus looked like a queen in her dress. The others went for fancy but casual; neither the bride nor the groom cared whether the guests were dressed to the nines. I offered Beerus my arm and led her through the house and out the door onto the lawn, where a white carpet led up to an arch, all those we cared about in the world standing on either side of the aisle. Bulma quickly handed Beerus her bouquet.

All told, it took 15 minutes to make Beerus my wife. I repeated the vows I made at my first wedding, fully sincere. Beerus promised to love me "more than food, more than air, whatever shape or form we take. I exist to destroy, but with you I'll create something wonderful." We kissed, spent a minute with the notary, and like that Beerus was part of the Son Family.

The brunch was the love child of Chi-Chi and the Capsule Corps executive chef. It was a massive buffet, and Beerus ate kilos of food without getting so much as a crumb on her dress. When everyone was full, Whis and Beerus taking the longest, Beerus decided we should open the wedding gifts right then and there. Knowing her taste, most of the gifts were food or drink. Though the kids got her a handmade card welcoming Beerus to the family, and Yamcha and Puar had the bright idea of getting her a gift certificate for a spa day. Bulma won by dint of revealing she'd analyzed the molecular composition of Shenron's catnip jelly and could produce it without limit going forward. Beerus outright kissed her new sister-wife for that. And Frieza came in a close second by gifting a dead planet for her to destroy at her leisure.

After one last toast, we wished everyone goodbye, I swept Beerus off her feet, and flew into the sky.

"So, what're we doing for our honeymoon?" Beerus asked, nibbling my ear distractingly.

"We deserve some one-on-one time, but we can't fuck off for weeks at a time. Plus training is a bonding activity for us. So we're spending a day in the Hyperbolic Time Chamber."

Beerus snuggled into my grip. "Great! A whole year of fighting and fucking! I'll miss Chi-Chi's cooking but we'll survive." She got a broody look in her eyes. "I'm less than a year from going on heat. If you pump me full enough of your thick Saiyan seed, I might be pregnant tomorrow when we get home."

I felt my heart fill to bursting with love even as my zipper almost broke. "All in due time, my Lady."

I landed on the Lookout and a very congratulatory Kami personally escorted us to the HTC. "I restocked it this morning. Have fun in there!"

"We will," we said in unison before the door closed behind us.


	8. Chapter 8

Beerus made the executive decision that we'd spend the entire 365 days naked. So we disrobed from our wedding outfits to walk skyclad out into the endless white expanse of the HTC. I was bouncing the capsule containing the Mega Gravity Chamber. Whis had kindly provided Bulma with Kachi Katchin, the literal strongest material in the Multiverse. The MGC could go to a whopping 250,000x the ambient gravity. In the 10x Earth gravity of the HTC, along with the Mass Magnifier, we could achieve weights that would make even an Angel beg for mercy. We were going to make a LOT of progress during our honeymoon.

"So, you going to work on Super Saiyan Mega 2?" Beerus asked as I tossed the capsule.

"In the interest of being thorough, I'm going to master Blue 2 and Ape 4 first before going for Mega 2. Every time I master a different form, the ceiling on my base form rises. I figure I should master the weaker forms even though I'll probably go straight to Mega if it comes to a real fight."

"Sounds reasonable." Beerus got a frown. "Do you think we have 15 years before Champa comes looking for me like in your vision, or did me waking up early move up the timetable?"

I shrugged and hugged her close, enjoying the skin-on-skin contact. "I don't know, babe. But whenever he shows up, we'll be ready. Okay?"

We entered the Mega Gravity Chamber and the honeymoon began in earnest. We almost literally spent half our time sparring or training and the other half trying to kill each other via orgasm. Brief breaks to eat, sleep, and bathe kept us sane (and as Gods we needed those less than mortals), but otherwise it was constant physical exertion of one form or another. The days and weeks and months flew by, the two of us getting stronger and closer together as we enjoyed our year-long vacation.

One day, about three weeks before we were scheduled to leave, I woke up to find Beerus writhing and sweating and emitting a scent that had my tail standing on end and my cock hard as Katchin. "You're on heat."

"No shit, genius," she snarled, so horny she was irritable.

I wasn't having that kind of talk from my wife. I flipped and pinned her to the bed with her face mushed into the pillow. I licked her big ear. "Now is that any way to treat the only man who can make you feel better, pussycat?"

She arched up into me and she whined. "I need it, Goku! I need it so bad!"

"Don't worry. I'm going to make you feel better. I'm going to fill you so full of seed you'll be bulging. I'm going to knock you up with a whole litter of kittens," I whispered hotly before shoving myself balls-deep inside her steaming snatch.

We didn't end up training that day. Or sleeping. I scraped the bottom of the barrel of my legendary endurance, but I kept myself hard and pumping in and out of my ovulating mate for a full 24 hours. When my exhausted flesh finally gave up the ghost, I slid out and flopped onto my back. My little soldier retreated inwards in pure self-preservation. My balls felt like I'd been kicked by Whis in them. But it was all worth it, to see Beerus looking almost intoxicated with pleasure and rubbing her distended tummy. It wasn't our child, I'd simply unloaded just that much semen inside her womb, sucked up by her own orgasms that I'd expertly coaxed out.

I talked once I got my wind back. "Satisfied?"

"Never more so," she purred like a kitten. "I do believe you're the best lay I've had, male or female, in all my life. If I were male, I think I'd even let you top me."

"We've had anal before, what's the difference?"

"It's a male dominance thing. I don't like not being top cat. When I'm a woman I'm more fluid about the sexual power dynamic thing."

"Out of curiosity, you ever going to make love to the others?" I asked.

She shrugged. "Sure, just to be fair. Piccolo is a bit stronger than you were our first time, he probably wouldn't disappoint. And I can use my tail as a dildo for all three of them. You're who I'll go to each heat, though."

"Fair enough."

We cuddled together. Beerus eventually asked "Ever worry you won't be able to remember all your grandchildrens' names?"

"We'll use nametags," I joked. "The First Four are not even at puberty yet, grandbabies are years down the line."

We talked a bit more, then Beerus had to make an urgent and long trip to the toilet to leak out all my seed. Then we cuddled until bedtime.

Beerus was so obscenely powerful, her body so resilient, that she could train and not risk the pregnancy so long as I avoided gut shots. So we finished off the honeymoon the exact same way we'd spent the rest of it. The day we had to leave, we used Matter Creation to make our usual outfits, gathered our stored wedding clothes, and walked out hand in hand.

Kami looked up from training with Mr. Popo. I still wasn't sure exactly what the djinn was and had zero interest in finding out. "Welcome back, you two! Enjoy the honeymoon?"

"Oh, it was the best," Beerus said, hand unconsciously laid over her lower belly.

Kami could detect microbes, he could pick up a zygote. "Congratulations are in order, I see. I hope I'll be asked to babysit my new grandchild or grandchildren at some point."

I grinned easily. "Of course. The kids love you, this one will love Grandpa Kami too." I held up a hand for Instant Transmission. "See ya!" And then I popped us away.

We appeared in the lawn that had hosted our wedding a relative day ago. The kids sensed us and came pouring out the woodwork. "Daddy! Mima!" They surrounded us in a group hug.

It might have only been 24 hours for them, but for me it had been a year. A hedonistic year, but a year without my kids. I hugged and kissed every one of them. "Hey, guys! What happened while we were gone?"

Xylophone began to count on his fingers. "I figured out how to do a Kamehameha one-handed. Boxa and Shorts want different colored highlights to tell them apart. Goka is writing poetry for Videl but he keeps tossing his drafts. Goyi signed up for a ballet class. I'm pretty sure Longjohn anonymously solved some famous calculus problem online. Flute gave sculpting a try. Gozo learned how to say 'potty'. Jockstrap is officially banned from breast milk, Mommy put her foot down. And Gong is constipated."

I picked up my and Piccolo's youngest child and rubbed his belly. "Aw, sorry buddy. And I'm so proud of the rest of you it hurts."

Longjohn scratched his nose. "It wasn't a HARD problem."

"I want blue," Boxa said while Shorts said "I want pink," the second her sister finished.

"Love stinks," Goka grumbled with a blush.

"I want to be a superstar! I need to be able to sing AND dance!" Goyi chirped.

"Clay is messy," Flute stated.

Gozo held up his hands so I'd pick him up like I had his brother. And now that I looked, Jockstrap seemed a bit grumpy.

I grinned at my blood and announced "Sorry about this, but you'll have to keep track of at least one more sibling come January. Mima is pregnant!"

"Yay!" Was the universal response from the older seven. Beerus endured hugs and kisses and ears pressed to her stomach with an indulgent grin.

Longjohn pulled on my pantleg. "Do all married people have sex on their honeymoon?"

"If they don't, there's usually a problem," I answered.

"Is sex fun or something? Because I did a few Zoogle searches and people seem obsessed with it. Apparently people do it even when they don't want babies."

Reminding myself to have Bulma check the parental controls on the computers, I nonetheless stuck to my policy of unfiltered honesty with my kids. "Once you grow up, sex is a lot of fun. Some people even pay people to let them have sex with them. But remember, good boys and girls wait to do it with someone they love enough to raise a kid with. Got it?"

"Yes, Daddy." Longjohn waited a beat. "How do two boys or two girls have sex?"

This kid would either be an erotica author or a porn addict later in life. "For two boys, one boy puts his penis in the other's butt since boys don't have a vagina. Two girls mostly kiss and cuddle unless one uses a fake penis on the other."

Longjohn didn't even blink. He took all information calmly and processed it in his own damn time. "Thanks, Daddy."

I dismissed the kids to their daily distractions; they weren't just stronger than 99.9% of the planet, they were also the richest kids in the solar system. As for education, the First Four started being tutored by Chi-Chi and a private teacher last year. We had plans of letting them go to a private middle school and high school in the city to help their social skills and so they could get the 'normal' kid experience. College would be up to them.

I took Beerus and led her indoors. We found our co-spouses watching a split-screen of different news channels on our wall-sized 8K TV. Whis was sat on the couch, enjoying a plate of nachos.

"Well, well, well, the newlyweds are back!" Chi-Chi clapped.

Piccolo rose both brows. "100T? Really, Goku? You went up an order of magnitude in one year? When'd you stop to knock up your new bride?"

I shrugged. "Turns out the multiplier for Mega goes up by a factor of 10 with each level. When I mastered it, my base form reflected the boost."

"When he masters Mega 4, he'll be as strong in base form as I was when I first got here," declared Beerus proudly. She made no mention of the fact she'd quadrupled her power to 100Qa.

"Don't forget about Blue 3 and 4. Not to mention Ultra Instinct," Bulma chimed in.

Beerus rolled her eyes. "That's not even a transformation, it's just a state of mind, a minor form of omniscience. There's no power boost."

"Damn useful, though, making exactly the right move without having to even think," I mused.

Whis only just seemed to notice we were there, he must have been really into his cheesy snack. "Ah, Lady Beerus! Congratulations on your wedding and my sincerest wishes you enjoyed your honeymoon." He blinked and covered his mouth. "Oh, my! I expected you to come back pregnant, but I hardly expected you to be quite this pregnant."

We all turned to the Angel. "We're not you, Whis. They're too small for us to sense. How many are there?" Beerus growled.

"Isn't it customary for some parents to be surprised at the birth?"

Bulma held out a hand to stop Beerus from leaping on Whis. "Where ki fails, science may prevail." Bulma scanned Beerus with her built-in tricorder, the augment measuring and analyzing the God's vitals and feeding the information to Bulma's cerebral implant. My first wife blinked. "Oh, wow. You really are cat-like."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Beerus demanded.

I had a guess. "I'm going to love and hate this answer. It really is a litter, isn't it?"

"Six, assuming none die in utero," Bulma said clinically.

Beerus almost collapsed against me. "Six? Zen-Oh, think of the shit! Think of the feedings! Think of the crying! I can't even think of six baby names!"

"Ale, Lager, Pils, Stout, Hops, Cerveza," I rattled off the top of my head. "There, six gender-neutral names in keeping with your naming convention. Lady, relax. We have me and my Multiforms, three co-parents, eight grandparents, and Whis, not to mention a legion of nannies, to help. We can handle divine sextuplets, I promise."

Beerus took a few deep breaths and stood back up. "I want catnip so bad right now. But it'd be bad for the babies."

"See? You're already thinking like a mom!" Chi-Chi cheered.

We all processed the news and then Beerus and I relaxed for the rest of the day. At lunch, the kids took the news our family would reach 21 next year fairly well. Boxa and Shorts seemed to share Beerus' horror at the coming noise and odor. Flute called painting the nursery. Goka made the observation that each successive batch of kids in the Son Family was getting stronger and stronger. He seemed eager for the day the Super Six, as we'd already nicknamed them, would join Family Fighting Fun-Time.

That night, I 'reconnected' with my other mates while Beerus just lapped at some warm milk and watched. When I finished rendering them all into piles of sore but blissed out goo, I leaned back against the headboard and soaked up the male pride in the sure knowledge I was a stud.

"You got better. Which I didn't think was possible," Bulma said around her drool.

"You can thank me for that. He's weaker in base form than me, so he can't rely on overwhelming power. So he compensated with technique. And we all know his work ethic when it comes to self-improvement," Beerus said, taking off her clothes and climbing into bed.

"I'm so lucky it's not even funny. I married the most perfect man in the Universe, if not the Multiverse," Chi-Chi mused.

"Love you too, sweetheart," I said, kissing her hair.

Piccolo had recovered fastest and was tracing his soul mark. "If we didn't have these… would we all even be together? I mean, you wouldn't have even thought of touching Beerus or me if we hadn't gotten this tattoo."

"No point wasting energy on what-ifs," I asserted. "What matters is Bulma did make the wish for soul marks, and now we're all together. Us and our 16 children."

Beerus snorted as she cuddled up against my side. "Six of them are still in the oven, buddy. Don't count your chickens before they hatch."

"I have faith they'll all come out healthy and beautiful as their mother," I said smiling.

"Geez, guys, we married a total sap. Hard to believe he's the strongest thing this side of the Angels."

"We know," my original three mates said in unison.

I rolled my eyes. "Good night, baby mamas."

"Night, baby daddy," they replied.

With my vow to King Kai not to go near Majin Buu, and for all we knew the events of Dragon Ball Super still slated for Age 778 or thereabouts, I had nothing but free time on my hands. About the only thing I had to look forward to was the birth of the Super Six and training for future tournaments or for my maximum potential.

Life in the real world was an adjustment from the bubble of the HTC, but Beerus and I quickly adapted. We still sparred, just for a quarter of the day rather than half or more. And now we had Whis back to teach and guide us, however much he deigned to do so. Then Family Fighting Fun-Time would take over the Mega Gravity Chamber. The First Four were still mastering Super Saiyan, but they were all getting close, and their base PLs were nearing 8-digits. The Second Three found Super Saiyan even faster than their older siblings, given their higher PL at birth so they had less of a distance to climb before crossing the necessary threshold. And the Third Three were still very much infants, just fully physically capable and absurdly strong.

As the months passed, the Super Six proved to be a relatively gentle pregnancy. The kicking kept Beerus up all night, and she proved to be a true terror without a full night's sleep. She took to, pardon the pun, catnaps during the day. The morning sickness was brief, only a few weeks. The cravings are what almost drove us insane. I'd never recover from the sight of Beerus eating a giant marshmallow covered in honey mustard, caviar, and kiwi chunks. Some of the kids threw up at the smell of some of the concoctions Beerus forced Chi-Chi or the hired chefs to cook. Whis, if anything, seemed curious to try each one himself just to see what the flavor was like.

One day I took off to visit New Sadala and bond with my fellow Saiyans. I landed and was pleased to see what had started as a small colony of less than 100 had boomed to almost 500, most of the Saiyans finding their soul mates both among each other and Earth's population. And having at least one kid was almost universal for those couples. The aliens had converted unused houses into businesses, circulating Zeni through the community and allowing the cottage economy of homemade goods the Saiyans crafted to reach the market.

"Morning, Goku!" Called one of the older tykes, whom had probably seen me at the WMAT on TV. I waved back with a grin. I walked through the town, and was reminded I was even more of a celebrity in this community than in West City. So easy to forget that I was partly responsible for most of them coming back from the dead.

"Kakarot!" Radditz called. He walked up to me, looking adorable with Shallot in a baby harness strapped to his front. Tights, whom had clearly taken after Panchy the way Bulma took after Briefs, trotted after her mate and baby. "How are you? How's Lady Beerus? And all the rest?"

"Everyone's just fine. What about you? You remembering to train or is fatherhood zapping all your energy?" I asked.

Radditz shrugged. "I get in an hour or two every morning. But really, what's the point? I can think of half a dozen people stronger than me who can handle any villain or threat that shows up. And I'm not like you, I'm perfectly fine settling for a 12M PL rather than reaching for the quadrillions and beyond."

I nodded. "That's fair. If you don't want to master every form and achieve all you potentially could, that's up to you. I wish you, Tights, and little Shallot all the best. Do you know where Dad is?"

"It's Town Hall Day, he's hearing grievances and cases in the middle of town. Should be done in an hour, unless Vegeta bitches and moans about something forever and a day." Radditz helpfully pointed. Sure, I could have used ki sense, but sometimes one just got lazy.

I walked over to the center of town, which had Town Hall located on one side of the square courtyard. There was indeed a small line leading up to a desk, where my dad was sat behind armed with a gavel and a book of laws for New Sadala.

"I rule this case to indeed be larceny. Tamanegi, I fine you 5,000 Zeni to be paid in reparations to Pepp. Next!" Bardock ruled with a hit of the wooden hammer. A rather chubby Saiyan walked defeated away while a man I recognized as the local restauranteur grinned in triumph.

I crossed my arms and stood to the side, meditating with my eyes open as the people of New Sadala presented their cases and my dad ruled one way or the other. At the end, Bardock ordered an underling to take the desk back inside and walked over to me.

"Hey, son. Need something?"

"Not really. Just wanted to remind myself of my roots. I'm almost bored back home. You don't really get tired of being happy, but when you get so predictable you can set your clock to it, you need a day off."

Bardock nodded. "I can relate. Parnip and Turip do something new every day, but work gets repetitive as all hell. Take Tamanegi, that's the 8th time he's dined and dashed! I'd put him in stocks for a day if I thought it would work. And yeah, the whole inhumane thing."

I shrugged. "Some people take advantage of the mercy of others. But it's important not to sink to their level. Anyway, Mom okay?"

"Happy as a clam. And pregnant again, actually. She says it feels like another boy, Turip was a fluke she thinks."

"Congrats! Any name ideas?"

"I like Iceberg, as in the lettuce. It's original but still vaguely a vegetable so he won't be ostracized for having a 'weird' name at the school."

"Oh, you finished building it?"

"Yep. First class is next month."

"Cool. How's your training going?"

Bardock grinned ferally. "Super Saiyan 3 is a real rush. Real bitch to control, though. I can barely maintain it an hour."

Just to show off, I went Super Saiyan 3 without my PL even fluctuating. "It's worth it to keep doing it. Once you master it, you're in a good place to go for Ape. And once you master _that_ , I'll personally teach you how to do the God transformation."

Bardock chuckled. "You honestly aren't threatened by me, are you? You don't even hesitate to offer me power, more than our ancestors could ever imagine."

I eyed him with a tilted head. "Um, you're my Dad? Of course I'm not threatened by you. We're blood, family, I want you to be the best version of yourself. I think every Saiyan has the right to master Super Saiyan Mega 4 if they're willing to put in the work."

Bardock shook his head. "Super Saiyan Mega 4… I remember a time when I thought just Super Saiyan was a mystical bedtime story."

"Funny how things turn out, huh?" I reverted to base form.

"Kakarot!" I heard behind me.

I turned and nodded at Vegeta as he touched down from flying over. "Hey, Vegeta. How's Super Saiyan 2 going?"

Vegeta grit his teeth. "I have managed to double my endurance since last we talked, and I am able to nearly half my Power Level while maintaining it."

"Good, you're about a third of the way through the process," I said, going on my own memories of mastering SS2.

Vegeta crossed his arms. "I heard what you said to Bardock. Will you make the same offer to me?"

"Teaching you God if you master 3 and Ape? Sure!"

Vegeta grinned in a way that was just slightly demented. "Excellent."

"So how's Mai?"

Vegeta frowned. "She's unhappy with this 'small town' lifestyle. I'm thinking of moving us to West City. That way she gets her urban living and I can train with you more easily."

"Bulma can find you an apartment. And how's Nappa?"

"He and Fasha have an… interesting relationship. I'm convinced they have screaming matches just so they can make up with mating."

I shrugged. "Some couples are like that." Yamcha and Launch sprang to mind.

I talked with my dad and self-proclaimed rival for an hour, and then I just wandered the town and made conversation with passersby. I made it home in time for dinner with a smile on my face.

"Good visit to Grandpa Bardock?" Chi-Chi asked.

"Yep yep. Nice to see them all doing so well. And kids! You're getting another uncle next year."

Xylophone perked up. "Oh, cool. Uncle Niptur can have a little brother for real instead of me."

Longjohn paused in eating his spinach. "Why do people babies take 9 months to grow? Don't other animals have shorter times?"

"Because Zen-Oh said so," Beerus said simply. "Well, more accurately, because whatever Kai made your species said so."

I snapped my fingers. "That reminds me! We should visit the Supreme Kai. The Old Kai is still trapped in that sword you stuck him in."

Beerus blinked. "You know, I completely forgot about that. Whis, how long ago was that?"

"75 million years, give or take a few millenia," Whis answered with his mouth full.

Bulma, who was the master of trivia given her daily research into the Archive, asked "What happens if a man and a woman both put on a pair of Potara earrings? I'm thinking of the Old Kai and that witch."

Beerus shrugged. "The stronger determines the sex of the fusion. On the off chance they're both equal in power, I suppose the fusion would be a hermaphrodite like Piccolo."

I rubbed my chin. "If you had to, if you HAD to be fused with someone, who would you pick?"

"You," Beerus said without blinking. "We could use our tail for self-love."

Bulma grinned. "Dr. Gero. We'd be the smartest being in existence!"

Chi-Chi shrugged. "Bulma. We'd be a housewife that could kick ass."

"My dad. We can fuse anyway if we really wanted to," Piccolo stated.

Whis patted his mouth with a napkin. "One of my siblings. I suppose I'm closest with Vados."

"I'm torn between my dad and Vegeta… you know what, make it Frieza. I don't want to be married to my mom and Vegeta's attitude would pollute the fusion," I thought aloud.

"What are Potara earrings?" Xylophone asked, confused by the adult's conversation.

"Magical earrings that Gods make that force the two people who put them on to fuse into one person," Bulma answered promptly.

"Oh. Then I pick Uncle Parnip."

"Each other," Boxa and Shorts said at the same time.

Goka blushed. "Videl. Not the way I want to get together but still."

Goyi raised her hand. "Aunt Lazuli. I like her hair color."

Longjohn shrugged. "Grandpa Briefs. Same reason as Mommy."

Flute tapped his chin. "I suppose Uncle Chiaotzu. I could paint my face every day."

The babies neither understood the question nor were capable of answering.

Later that night, I was talking to Beerus' bump. I wanted the Super Six to know their Daddy's voice. "I love you Ale. I love you Lager. I love you Pils. I love you Stout. I love you Hops. I love you Cerveza. I love you all so much. Yes, I do. Yes, I do. And we all can't wait for you to be born. So please don't vaporize any of us when you come out."

Beerus rolled her eyes. "It's not like they understand you. You're a hum through a thick wall while underwater to them."

"You don't know that. You were born fully cognizant, maybe they inherited that. They could be listening to every word we say," I argued back.

Bulma paused in unhooking her bra. "He has a point. I'm picking up an abnormally high amount of brain activity."

"Well, if you kittens can hear me, don't expect any of Mima's milk. You're getting Mama's formula and nothing else," Beerus aimed at her uterus.

"I promise all your brothers and sisters loved it," Chi-Chi added.

Piccolo rubbed his chin. "Let's test this. If you understand us, all of you kick once at the same time."

Beerus jumped. "Whoa. That was spooky."

I rubbed my cheek against the bump. "Thank you, kittens. We'll start reading to you so you can be smart and know how the world works. And in case you haven't heard before, I'm Daddy. I'm the one with the brown tail. Mommy has blue hair, she's very smart. Mama has black hair, she's an amazing cook. Papa is green with pink patches. Mima is who you're growing inside and she's a purple cat like you are." I proceeded to describe all their siblings, grandparents, and aunts, uncles, and cousins. "And all of us are going to love you and take care of you when you're ready to come out." I kissed Beerus' popped-out bellybutton. Maybe it was a coincidence, but one of them kicked my lips at the same time.

The rest of the pregnancy ran its course, Beerus officially giving up training by the last week of November because her mobility was so disabled. The kids took the news the Super Six might come out talking coherently with excitement. It meant they wouldn't have to wait 2 or 3 years for them to become interesting. December consisted of the Second Three's birthday parties and our annual Yule bash. Frieza surprised everyone by showing up to the holiday party with another Frost Demon. And it wasn't his father.

"Everyone. I would like to introduce my son," Frieza said proudly, nudging the other Arcosian forward.

"Hello. My name is Kuriza. It is very nice to meet you," the clone of Frieza said, bowing. He was identical to his father except for the color of their gems, Frieza being purple and Kuriza being red.

Bulma shrugged and came forward to shake the newborn's hand. "Nice to know that supernova last month served a purpose. Hi, I'm Bulma. I'm your father's master's brain."

"It's true, she is," I said as I hugged my kids' newest cousin. "And congrats! You beat your dad's record. By, like, 50 times. 6B is very respectable."

Kuriza scratched his cheek. "For a mortal, sure. I'm still nothing compared to you or father or Lady Beerus or Uncle Piccolo or especially Lord Whis."

I patted his shoulder. "Tell you what. Prove you're a good guy and I'll teach you how to become a God. In fact, I'll teach you and your dad at the same time."

The reptilian aliens gaped. "Master… we are not worthy," Frieza protested.

I waved my hand. "Pish posh. It's my trick, I'll share it how I want. Hell, it's Yule, consider it a gift. Now come on! Mama Son made her suckling pig."

It was a great Yule. Beerus drank an entire bowl of eggnog, thankfully virgin. Tien and Chiaotzu anxiously watched as Lipin played with the Third Three and Shallot under the watchful eyes of the grandparents. Krillin lost an arm-wrestling match with Lapis and, if I recognized the grin on Lazuli's face, he was going to lose something else later that night. I wished his ass luck. Yamcha and Launch brought separate dates; whatever worked for them, none of my business. Roshi brought a pair of twins he was banging that worked for him, who actually turned out to be lovely, intelligent women. My parents and my younger siblings just mingled and enjoyed the substantial spread. Radditz was caught fingering Tights with his tail. Bulma yelled for a minute before laughing it off; after all, she'd just had a quickie with Piccolo. The kids had to leave early for bedtime, but they played good hosts for Uncle Jiji and Videl. Satan just nursed his drink in the corner and wondered why he came. Vegeta and Mai had thrown their own party the same night and couldn't attend. Puar and Oolong had a Shapeshifting contest. And Whis just sampled every dish and admired the tree.

Three weeks later, on January 15th of Age 765, I was just putting the finishing touches on Super Saiyan Blue 3 in the Mega Gravity Chamber when I heard Beerus scream in pain. I'm pretty sure I went superluminal in rushing to my wife's side. "Beerus! What's wrong! Is it the babies?"

The God of Destruction was as bent over as her beach ball belly would allow. I noticed a wet spot on her crotch. "Contractions… hurt more…than a kick from Whis," she panted.

My other mates were only slightly slower than me in joining us. "Are you in labor? When did your water break?" Chi-Chi asked concerned.

"Five minutes ago. That was the first cramp just now. Not fun," Beerus grit out.

Bulma assumed her self-assigned role as midwife, scanning Beerus. "Less than a centimeter dilated, to be expected after only one contraction. All six are in birthing position and no cords are tangled. It should be like a log flume ride when them start coming out."

"While you're looking, what are the sexes?" Piccolo inquired.

Bulma turned to Beerus. "Do we want to know?"

"We'll find out in a few hours anyway and they're being named by birth order. Just tell us." Beerus sank onto the couch.

"Even split. Three boys, three girls."

The kids came filing into the living room where we all were. "Babies come?" Gong asked. The little hybrid seemed immune to the terrible two's, staying sweet as an angel. Jockstrap on the other hand was a nightmare. Gozo just sulked for hours rather than throwing full-blown tantrums when he didn't get his way.

"Yes, Gong, your baby brothers and sisters are coming," I answered my son, rubbing his head the way he liked.

"Is Mima having them here or at the hospital?" Longjohn asked practically.

"I am not standing up again until my womb is empty. That answer your question?" Beerus snarked.

Goka tilted his head. "Womb? What's that?"

Chi-Chi answered our firstborn "Its a spot above the vagina where the baby grows inside the mother."

Xylophone nodded. "Okay. But what stops the baby from falling out the womb and vagina?"

Bulma sighed. "Okay. Time for Sex Ed lesson #2." She held up her smartwatch and mentally ordered it to project a hologram of a female anatomy chart, complete with fetus. "Here's how sex and pregnancy works. Ovaries grow and drop eggs. Eggs travel through and meet sperm in Fallopian tubes. Egg attaches to wall of the womb and grows into a baby. Baby is fed by something called the placenta, attached to the baby by the umbilical cord. This muscle called a cervix keeps the baby from falling out. During labor, like Mima is going through right now, the cervix slowly and unfortunately painfully opens to 10 centimeters. Baby and placenta slides through cervix and out the vagina. Doctor cuts the umbilical cord, and that makes the bellybutton. Then the cervix closes until the next labor. Questions?"

Boxa peered at the diagram. "What's that little bump above the vagina on the outside?"

"It feels weird when we touch ours," Shorts added.

"That's the clitoris. It actually extends under the skin in a ring around the pelvis. There's a little bump on the top wall of the vagina called the G-spot as well. So far as we can tell, their only purpose is to make sex feel good. But they don't work properly until you hit puberty, so no playing with them," Bulma lectured.

Flute tilted his head. "Mommy, do I have a really big clitoris or a penis and no clitoris?"

"The second one, son," Piccolo spoke up.

Goyi raised her hand. "Mommy, can you show us boy and Namekian insides too?"

"Sure, honey." The hologram changed to a cross-section of the male pelvic region. "The testes, these two balls, are covered by a sac called the scrotum and make the sperm. During sex, sperm go up this tube call the vas deferens. Vas deferens goes through this walnut-shaped thing called the prostate. Prostate adds seminal fluid to sperm to make semen. Semen go into the urethra, the tube from the bladder to the end of the penis. Semen goes out urethra, into vagina, through cervix and up Fallopian tubes to reach the egg. Sperm in the semen die before reaching the ovaries, which is why you don't get pregnant every time you have sex." She switched to a Namekian chart. "For Namekians, clitoris turns into penis and testes merge inside with the ovaries to produce eggs AND sperm. That's about it."

Beerus screamed again, interrupting the biology lesson. Piccolo and I manfully offered our hands for her to crush. When the pain had abated, Bulma scanned her again. "You're at half a centimeter. If they're all that strong and far apart, this'll take about 7 hours, probably less."

"Fan-freaking-tastic." Beerus was definitely not enjoying labor.

"Anyway, anymore questions about sex, pregnancy, or boy and girl parts?" Bulma put to the floor.

"Why'd Mima's chest get bigger?" Goka asked.

"Because before people got smart and invented formula, the only way to feed a baby was breast milk. My boobs got bigger because they're filled with enough milk for six babies," Beerus said matter-of-factly.

"Mammary tissue only exists in girls. It turns some of the food we eat into milk when we're pregnant. The milk comes out a tiny hole in the nipple." Bulma pulled up the relevant hologram.

Longjohn no doubt had a dozen questions, but he picked the one that was most interesting to him. "I saw something on Zoogle for something called birth control. What's that?"

Bulma frowned. "We're discussing your internet history later, young man. But anyway, birth control is basically any method of stopping the sperm from reaching the egg or the baby being born. The simplest is abstinence, just don't have sex. Then there's condoms, wrappers that go over the penis to catch the semen when it comes out. There's pills, which stop the ovaries from releasing an egg. There's spermicides, chemicals that kill the sperm before they reach the egg. There's devices called IUDs that stop the baby from attaching to the womb. There's sterilization, which is permanent; basically a doctor cuts the vas deferens or Fallopian tubes to stop the sperm or egg from touching. And then there's the worst way: abortion. A doctor makes the baby come out before it can survive."

The kids looked aghast. "People kill their babies?" Boxa said horrified.

"Why would anyone even think of doing that?" Shorts demanded.

"There's a law that says doctors can't do it if the baby's grown enough to feel pain. But there's lots of reasons. There's rape, where a bad man forces a girl to have sex with him. She shouldn't have to have her attacker's baby if she doesn't want to. There's girls who just can't afford a baby or aren't capable of raising one due to a disease or circumstances. Sometimes the egg attaches somewhere besides the womb and could kill the mom. And then there's miscarriage, where the baby for some reason dies before it's finished growing. Not every pregnancy is wanted or successful," I tried to comfort and educate my kids simultaneously.

Whis had wandered in at some point, and felt the need to chip in. "Most pregnancies are accidental. It's not as common as you'd think for the baby to be conceived on purpose and deliberately. Usually a couple or trio or whatever just has unprotected sex for fun and nature takes its course."

Longjohn nodded. "That explains a lot of what I read. Just so we know, were any of us accidents?"

Beerus had another contraction and we all comforted her until she shooed us away. Picking the conversation back up, I told my pink-haired progeny "You, Goyi, and Flute were happy surprises. For the rest of you, we timed the sex so my sperm would touch the eggs."

"Do girls lay an egg every day?" Goka asked.

Chi-Chi shook her head. "No, dear. The ovaries drop an egg once every 28 days, give or take. The womb builds up blood to help grow the baby and placenta. If the egg doesn't touch a sperm, it doesn't attach to the womb. Then the womb leaks all that extra blood out the vagina. It's called a period or menstruation. Most women learn they're pregnant when they miss their period."

"Though I knew a girl in school who didn't realize she was pregnant for 4 months. I forgot, another form of birth control is the depo provera shot, which like the pills stops the egg from being laid. She didn't realize her shot had run out before she had sex with her boyfriend. She found out when she felt the baby kick," Bulma elaborated.

Flute turned to Piccolo. "Papa, what would happen if I put my penis in my vagina and my sperm touched my egg when I grow up?"

Piccolo pursed his lips. "You know what, I really have no idea. My guess is either the baby would die because it only has one parent, or you'd give birth to your twin 9 months later."

Goyi regarded her older sisters. "How do twins happen?"

Bulma grinned at our musical daughter. "There's two ways there can be more than one baby per pregnancy. The first is that the egg splits into two, three, or even four pieces. Each grows into basically the same baby. We call these kinds of multiples identical, like Boxa and Shorts. Then there's what happened with Mima. Her ovaries dropped six eggs, and six different sperm from Daddy touched each egg. We call these multiples fraternal or sororital."

Xylophone scratched his antennae. "Do the testes ever run out of sperm or the ovaries out of eggs?"

"The testes make sperm from puberty until death. Ovaries used to run out in a woman's 40s and 50s. Then we wished everyone immortal and the eggs began to grow back magically."

Longjohn was counting on his fingers. "Daddy got all of you pregnant at the same time. So one man can have babies with multiple women. Can a woman have babies with more than one man?"

I used my tail to scratch my head. "If you mean separately, sure. A woman can have sex with a different man each pregnancy and the brothers or sisters would have different fathers. We call that kind of thing half siblings. For example, Xylophone is your full brother but Goka is your half-brother. If you mean at the same time, that's tricky. They'd have to either mix the eggs and different sperm in a petri dish and implant the babies in the womb to grow, or a woman would have to have sex with two or more men the same night and the different sperm would have to touch two different eggs. It's possible for Mama, Mommy, or Mima to get pregnant from me AND Papa at the same time, it's just really unlikely."

Whis tapped his staff on the ground. "I actually have a question. Why do you seem determined to have as many children as possible? The average is less than 3, you have 16 as of tomorrow."

Cue contraction. Afterwards, I shrugged. "The short answer is I love my wives and husband, I love making love to them, and our children are the inevitable result of that love. I could argue there's less than 500 Saiyans alive and we need to repopulate our way out of extinction. But the real reason is I love being a dad, and I want as many kids as I can keep track of. We'll stop before we hit 100, let's leave it at that."

Boxa and Shorts paled. "Daddy, we love all our siblings," Boxa began.

"But we can't handle 97 little brothers and sisters and Goka," Shorts asserted.

"Don't worry, sweeties, neither could I. I'd have to tattoo your names to your forehead," I joked half seriously.

Longjohn clicked his tongue, which he did when he was thinking. "I read in a history book about this ancient king who had 4,000 wives. Even if he only had one baby with half of them, that's 2,000 kids. How'd he manage it?"

Bulma ran her fingers through his sakura locks. "Darling, not every father is as considerate and loving as Daddy or Papa. That king probably picked one or two favorites and ignored the rest."

"That's horrible!" Goyi gasped.

"That's life, kid. Most people are too selfish to care about anyone past themselves and a handful of others. Hearts as big as Daddy's are one in a million," Beerus dropped the hammer.

Flute came up to Beerus' bump. "Our Daddy is the best. Don't be mean to him," he instructed firmly.

"One last question. Papa was born from Grandpa Kami spitting up an egg. Will Papa ever do that?" Xylophone questioned.

Piccolo shook his head. "No. I like making babies with Daddy, and maybe I'll make a baby with one of your mothers someday. No eggs for us."

We talked about other topics after that, someone putting on the cooking channel to distract Beerus. Every 10 minutes like clockwork, she had a contraction and her cervix dilated another quarter centimeter. About halfway through, Beerus cracked and begged Whis to just magic them out. The Angel grinned and said "Consider this pain tolerance training." Beerus came THIS close to blasting him past Pluto. The Super Six seemed to want to keep Mima happy, not kicking or wriggling at all. We ordered pizza, wings, cheesy bread and soda to treat Beerus and so Chi-Chi wouldn't have to leave her co-wife's side. Around 10:00, Bulma cleared the area in front of the couch and laid down layers of soft, heated towels. "10 centimeters. Here they come. Quiet, everyone. Beerus, push with the next contraction."

Beerus nodded, already biting down on a towel. She'd disrobed for comfort, unconcerned if her own family saw her naked. She was fully effaced, her tummy looking like she'd swallowed a giant watermelon. With her next contraction, she screamed through her gritted teeth and bore down. Guess her pelvic muscles were as strong as the rest of her, because Ale crowned and slid out with one push. Bulma used her laser eyes to slice and cauterize the cord and cradled our son gently. I looked down with pride and adoration on the first of my sextuplets. He opened yellow eyes and blinked up at me and Bulma. "Mommy? Daddy?" He asked coherently, revealing a mouth full of teeth.

I smiled and nodded, taking Ale into my hands. "Yes, Ale. I'm your Daddy." I held him close to my heart and kissed his brow. I was so happy I could cry.

Ale turned to regard the rest of the room's population. "Family?" he asked.

Goka grinned and flew up to look down on his newest brother. "Hi! I'm Goka. I'm the oldest, so I'm in charge when the parents aren't around."

"No, that's the nanny or Whis or your grandparents," Chi-Chi corrected, offering Ale a finger to play with.

In succession over the next hour, Lager (boy), Pils (girl), Stout (boy), Hops (girl), and Cerveza (girl) were born. Each was a purple cat like their Mima, though they had Saiyan hair and tails. Each was cuddled by one of their parents or their siblings, and each proved to be around the same conversational level as the Third Three. Bulma caught the six placentas on the towels on the floor. "You want to save these for stem cells? Eat them? Toss them?"

"Blend them into a smoothie. I'm parched," Beerus said hoarsely.

At the sound of their Mima's voice, the Super Six looked up and flew over to Beerus. They cuddled and mewled as they nuzzled her belly. Beerus had a blinding smile as she cried happy tears and wrapped our kittens in her arms.

We eventually got each of the babies diapered and in pajama onesies. The kids were sent to bed, only allowed to stay up because of the special occasion. The Super Six, by Beerus' insistence, were laid together in an extra-large cradle rather than each getting their own. We all slid naked into bed and just listened to them breathe.

"Hate to spoil the moment, but we'll be adding another crib in September," Bulma confessed.

I nodded, unsurprised. I was so in tune to her ki after all these years I'd sensed the change right away. "Must be Piccolo's. That romp you had at Yule. Any ideas for a name that fits both your naming schemes?"

"G-String springs to mind," Chi-Chi suggested.

Beerus yawned so wide her jaw cracked. "I gave birth to a litter tonight. Do not wake me until the deluxe feast of a lunch tomorrow." With that, she concked out.

Miracle of miracles, all of the sextuplets kept to the same schedule. Me and my Multiforms heated up the formula, fed, burped, and tucked back to sleep each baby 4 hours after their birth. I idly took the time to use ki sense. Each was 5Qa, give or take a few trillion. Powerful little baby Gods.

I could survive on an hour of sleep a week, I handled the second feeding as well as changing the Super Six. In fact, while I was at it I went ahead and gave them a dawn bath. I talked to each of them individually as well as addressing them as a group, using my infallible ki sense to tell them apart.

I decided to test my mastery of Super Saiyan Blue 3 by spending 24 hours in that form and keeping my PL in the double digits. The Super Six seemed fascinated with Daddy's waist-length cyan hairdo. I dressed them in gender-appropriate (well, I assumed. It could be years before one or more came out as transgender) day clothes. Then I whistled loud while they flew after me like a line of ducklings at my mates.

Bulma woke up like flipping a switch, because there was literally a switch in her cerebral implant to control sleep. "Morning, Daddy. Gero, Dad, and I are working on the self-replicating nanobots today."

"I'll be on call to blast the grey goo if it gets out of control," I said in all seriousness. I trusted her, but nanotechnology had the potential to wipe out the planet if done wrong.

Chi-Chi slid out of bed and came to kiss each kitten on the cheek. "Today is Sunday. Know what that means?"

"Pancake Palooza?" I answered with a bit of drool leaking. Nothing like a buttery, syrupy stack of Mama Son's pancakes.

"I'll mix in the whey powder for your batch myself," she promised.

Piccolo idly pumped his morning wood before sitting up and going for the closet with a wave at the Super Six. "I invited Frieza and Kuriza over today. We'll be in the Mega Gravity Chamber all day."

I nodded, and admired that tight green ass as it vanished into our walk-in wardrobe. Beerus had a legit snot bubble as she snored. I chuckled and whispered to the Super Six. "Mima loves to sleep. Never wake her up unless it's with food or she'll tell at you."

"Okay, Daddy," they chorused.

I led them downstairs, and the kids were already sat at the table. They didn't blink at seeing me in Blue 3. "Morning!" I called out.

"Morning," they answered back. There was seriously nothing that warmed my heart like the sound of my children's voices.

I peered over Flute's shoulder at his latest sketch, listening to Goyi hum to herself. I felt my blood freeze when I recognized the being my son was coloring in. "Flute? Did Whis show you a picture of this person?"

"No, Daddy. I saw him in a dream I had last night. He was playing pool with planets while he sat on a throne. It was a bit scary. But he's colorful so I wanted to draw him."

Foresight was a thing, Bardock and the race he eradicated were proof of that. Maybe Flute had inherited some of Grandpa Kami's magic. "That's Zen-Oh. It's an it, not a he, but the Angels call him Lord. It's the first being to exist and the creator of all 12 Universes."

The kids all came over to regard their brother's drawing. "It's tiny. It's really the most powerful thing in the Multiverse?" Goka asked skeptically.

"Uncles Vegeta and Frieza are small too, doesn't make them any less powerful," Xylophone countered.

Longjohn looked up at me. "Could you beat it in a fight if you mastered Mega 4?"

I frowned. "It doesn't really fight. It just uses its power to make its will happen. Let's say I'm a program running on Universe 7 software. Zen-Oh is the user making the programs, and can edit the code whenever and however it wants."

Longjohn, who might actually have a career in computers he loved them so much, gulped. "Wow. Hard to go up against something that can hack reality."

"Maybe if I reached maximum potential power, I could become immune to its power. But I honestly don't know and I'm in no hurry to find out." I shrugged. "Anyway, this is too heavy for breakfast talk. Any ideas for how to play with your baby brothers and sisters today?"

"We'll do what we/ Normally do." Boxa and Shorts said sleepily. Before they were fully awake, they slipped back into their old habit of unison speech.

Goyi, who carried a different stuffed animal from the menagerie in her bedroom each morning, offered the baby shark to Cerveza. Her little sister cuddled the plush as big as she was with a considerate "Thank you, Goyi."

At that moment, I sensed no less than 8 divine beings appear outside. I would have powered up to defend my family, except the strongest among them was weaker than even the Third Three. I told my kids to stay in the dining room and went outside. I blinked. "Um, hello. Welcome to my home. Why are all the Kai in this Universe here on Earth?"

The East Kai walked up to me. "We all have come to pay our respects to Lady Beerus and yourself for your new arrivals." There was an undeniable worshipful fear to his whole bearing.

I rolled my eyes. "East Kai, come on. You've known me for years. You really think I'd vaporize you for crashing my family's breakfast?"

"Never hurts to be cautious," the cricket man shot back, though he did get a small grin.

I turned to the other Kai. "Feel free to join us for our morning meal. Beerus won't wake up until lunch, so save the ass-kissing and boot-licking until then. And if any of you even look at my kids or mates wrong, you're getting a halo above your head."

Kibito, the Supreme Kai's assistant, seemed offended. Old Kai was amused, but then he liked me after I freed him from the sword. The North, West, South, and King Kai just nodded respectfully and said "Yes, Lord Goku."

Lord Goku. Huh. What had I turned myself into in my quest for power? That would be bothering me all day.

Chi-Chi made extra for our guests, and the 7 Gods of Creation and Kibito were introduced to some of the best food on Earth, which according to Beerus and Whis was easily in the top 5 for the whole of Universe 7. They didn't seem able to decide whether to coo over the Super Six or genuflect. And they were only slightly less worshipful of my mortal children or Piccolo.

I greeted Frieza and Kuriza when they arrived, made introductions between them and the Kai, and then gave the Kai a tour of the Mansion. At lunchtime, which Chi-Chi turned into a feast of Beerus' favorites, we woke her up with the catnip jelly trick.

Beerus grinned and leaned up for a kiss after she'd finished waking up and savoring her treat. "Morning, tomcat," she purred.

"It's afternoon, actually. Little thing. All the Kai came to visit the babies."

She rolled her eyes. "You'd think they'd have better things to do."

We dressed her in casual clothes, she ran a paw through my blue mane with ideas in her eyes, and we made our way downstairs. We were just about to enter the dining room when, for the second time today, divine presences suddenly appeared on my radar. One was easily in the freaking sextillions in terms of PL. The other… was infinity crammed into a 50 lb package. I think I had a heart attack.

Exchanging panicked glances, Beerus and I rushed to our mates and children. The kids, including the Super Six, were frozen like deer in headlights. Piccolo was almost white. A trembling Chi-Chi was in an equally shaky Bulma's arms. Frieza and Kuriza were curled into balls on the floor. And the Kai were sweating buckets and possibly pissing themselves.

Whis alone seemed at ease. "My, my. When I reported the birth to my father, I hardly expected this response."

"Whis, Lord Zen-Oh itself is outside my fucking house. This is not the time to test me. I will kick your ass at Kaio-ken x100," Beerus snarled, tail lashing.

I grabbed and massaged her shoulders. "Everyone remain calm. So long as we don't annoy or insult it, it's harmless. For all its power and age, it's basically an autistic child. If we make it like us, it'll think twice before erasing us all."

Flute raised a hand. "Would it help if I showed it my picture?" He asked, hiding his terror only partially.

I put on a reassuring smile and nodded. "I'm sure it will, Flute."

The adults and Kai made for the front door and out onto the lawn. We got to attach bodies to the staggering ki signatures we'd sensed.

The Grand Priest was maybe 5'2, with a baby face and slicked back hair, wearing robes even more elaborate than Whis'. Zen-Oh was tiny, maybe as tall as Jockstrap, with a blue and purple face and pink, gold, and white robes. Both wore smiles that didn't reach their ancient eyes. The Kai immediately began to kowtow, not that either of the two strongest beings in the Multiverse paid attention.

"Greetings. Thank you for coming out to meet us," the Grand Priest, or as I'd nicknamed him the Supreme Angel, said genially.

Whis waved. "What a pleasant surprise, Father. I haven't seen you in eons."

"Well, when Lord Zen-Oh heard the news you relayed to me, it felt the need to come see for itself," the Angel said to his son.

"Hi," Zen-Oh said, in a voice like a child on helium. I could practically feel ripples in space-time in the wake of its sheer presence.

I found my balls and walked forward to meet them. "Welcome to Earth. I'm Son Goku, Beerus' husband and the father of the babies. It's an honor to have you here." I held out my hand to shake. The Lord of All eyed my hand for a minute but deigned to take it. I carefully did not lift it like clueless Goku had.

Zen-Oh smiled, but it was mechanical. Like it knew it should but didn't understand the emotion behind the gesture. "You didn't do anything wrong, right? But you're the first to have a baby with a God of Destruction, right? So I came to see for myself. That's okay, right?"

There was something disturbing about its verbal tic. "Sure. They're just inside. You can even join us for lunch."

"Lord Zen-Oh doesn't eat," the Grand Priest said, not unkindly.

"Well, have you ever tried?"

Zen-Oh tilted its head. "No."

"Well, if you were going to, my other wife Chi-Chi makes the best food in the galaxy." I waved my hand and led it and its bodyguard towards the Mansion.

Zen-Oh stopped when we reached Beerus and looked up at her. "You're happy, right? I like you happy," it said simply. Beerus, sweating buckets, nodded to acknowledge her creator's words. Then Zen-Oh continued its tiny strides after me towards the dining room where the kids were waiting.

Zen-Oh started off by looking at the Super Six, lined up obediently before him, and saying "They're cute, right?" Then it patted each of them on the head before hopping into my usual seat at the head of the table. I made no objection. We ate a tense, very quiet lunch as Zen-Oh was fascinated by its hamburger and curly fries and milkshake. Flute broke the ice by offering the God of Gods his drawing. Zen-Oh started at it before grinning genuinely for possibly the first time ever. "I like it. I can keep it, right?" Flute nodded of course, and after that the tension abated.

After lunch, Zen-Oh got along with my kids like a house on fire. It spent hours talking to and playing with all of them. The Grand Priest watched with bemused fascination as his charge played hide-and-seek with my brood, giggling all the while. I sidled up next to the man whose PL I hoped to eclipse one day. "Spending millions of years alone with just you was bad for it. Why didn't it make friends or even more servants?"

The Grand Priest sighed. "I know it better than anyone living or dead today. Yet I cannot pretend to understand its mind, why it does what it does. I simply follow my duty. But I will say that this is the happiest I have ever seen my Lord. Mayhaps you and your family will be good for it, which is good for the Multiverse."

"Tell it it has blanket access. Visit anytime, night or day. We're happy to have it."

The divine guests ended up staying for dinner, and the kids almost talked Zen-Oh into a sleepover. But the Grand Priest insisted they return to their palace in its own pocket dimension. Zen-Oh clutched its picture as it grabbed into the Grand Priest's leg. Then they vanished in a flash of light. The other Kai all let out a sigh of relief and left for their own respective planets.

"That was actually rather pleasant," Bulma mused.

"That poor dear. I just wanted to wrap it in a blanket and feed it cookies," Chi-Chi told us.

"Don't forget that poor dear could rip us into quarks with a stray thought," Piccolo cautioned.

Beerus wiped her brow. "We're still alive, that's what counts."

I wrapped them all in a hug. "What do you say we get the kids clean, tuck them in, and have thank-Gods-we-survived sex until my cock falls off?"

The kids were asleep by 9:00. We didn't pass out until 3:00.


End file.
